Month: January 2022

As a child I was taught from an early age that being angry is wrong.  I’m sure my parents were taught that as children as were their parents.  I’m also sure my parents believed good Christians didn’t get angry.

It wasn’t until I was a young adult that I started to realize that being angry is a natural human emotion.  That became especially clear when I was attending a support group when I was in my 20s.  A woman who was then in her 50s shared with those of us in the group that when she was a young adult several male clergy used her for sexual gratification.  After hearing about her experience, I found myself feeling anger that those men took advantage of her vulnerability, and then I felt some guilt about being angry.  We talked about our reactions in the group, and the psychotherapist who was facilitating said the anger that I and others were expressing was totally appropriate.

Anger is one of the many emotions that we as human beings feel.  Just as we experience sadness, joy, fear, and contentment, there are also times when we are angry.  A person who doesn’t feel emotions is limited in her or his ability to have empathy for and relate to others and is limited in experiencing life more fully in general.

It isn’t being angry that’s the problem.  It is how we act and react when something happens that causes that emotion in us.  It’s important to take a step back and ask ourselves what is the cause of how we’re feeling.  One reason it’s helpful to know about psychological projection is to ask ourselves when we’re feeling a strong emotion about another person or group, including anger toward them, whether we might be projecting something about ourselves onto them and then exploring that.

There are times, however, when our feelings of anger are not projection.  They are a healthy response to something that should not have happened or be happening, a response to something that is intrinsically wrong.  At those times, anger can be a kind of energy that can be used in a positive way.  The anger that those of us in the support group felt and expressed showed the woman who had shared how she had been treated that we cared about her.  Similarly, anger about any forms of injustice and cruelty can be the impetus for doing our part and living in a way that counteracts injustice and cruelty.

When that happens, our “appropriate anger” is a response of hope.

“Generosity is the most natural outward expression of an inner attitude of compassion and loving-kindness.”

This quote is by the Dalai Lama.  Compassion and loving-kindness are two of the themes about which he often speaks and writes, emphasizing that those qualities are essential for us to have in order to make our world a better place.

There are tangible and intangible forms of generosity, both of which matter very much.  For any decisions we make, we should always try to discern the guidance of our inner voice, including as to the forms of generosity we are called to do.

Some tangible forms of generosity are donating money to help support charitable organizations, the performing arts, and causes we believe in.  We can also donate clothing and household items to organizations that make them available to people in need.  Volunteering our time, energy, and skills is another tangible form of generosity.

Some examples of intangible forms of generosity are being nonjudgmental, having empathy, expressing concern, and treating others with respect.  We are also generous when we listen to others, giving them our full attention.

We can become more generous people in the sense the Dalai Lama refers to by trying to be aware of prejudices we might have and by taking note of the degree of our self-centeredness.  Gaining this awareness is the first step toward making changes.

The more of us who make those changes, the better our world will be.  And this will result in more people being the recipients of compassion and loving-kindness, which is as it should be.