Month: April 2024

“The capacity for empathy leads to a genuine encounter—we have to progress toward this culture of encounter—in which heart speaks to heart.”

This quote is by Pope Francis, the present Pope of the Roman Catholic Church.

Empathy is one of the most valuable qualities each of us can possess.  A basic definition of empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.  Pope Francis adds depth to this definition, particularly with his words “genuine encounter” and “heart speaks to heart.”

Being empathic is a gift we give to others.  When people share with us something they are struggling with, our ability to communicate our empathy is the most helpful thing we can do.  We do this by listening to them without distraction and by sensing from what they have told us what it must be like to experience what they are sharing.  This is the genuine encounter of which Pope Francis speaks.

A friend once told me about an experience she had that illustrates empathy.  She was feeling sadness and disappointment because she hadn’t been hired for a job for which she was highly qualified and for which she had been one of the candidates called back for a second interview.  When she shared with friends that she hadn’t been offered the job, some had responded by saying perhaps it was for the best or that she would most likely eventually get a job she liked just as well.  She told me she knew her friends meant well and that these statements might be true, but at the time they weren’t helpful.  Then she told me about another friend whose reaction was to spontaneously say “damn it” with great emphasis.  My friend told me that this friend’s heart-felt reaction caused her to feel understood, supported, and cared for.  It was an example of heart speaking to heart.

Having the ability to be empathic is not only essential to being present with people we know and care about, it also can extend more broadly to others.  The more that people have empathy about the life situations of other people in our world, the greater is the possibility that positive change can occur.  There would be less racism, sexism, ageism, and intolerance of every kind if more of us made the effort to put ourselves in other people’s places.  When I read Pope Francis’ words that we have to progress toward a culture of encounter, I thought about this more expansive effect of empathy.

Each of us should try our best to have empathy for others.  By doing so, we help people we know and care about and we also add to that which is positive in our world.

“Have patience with all things.  But, first of all with yourself.”

This quote is by Saint Francis de Sales who lived in the 15th and 16th Centuries and was a Catholic prelate and the Bishop of Geneva.  He was also known for his writing about religious and spiritual topics.

Patience is one of those qualities that can be hard to come by and, therefore, that we should work at developing.  We tend to want to have quick solutions to problems and to complete tasks or projects so they’re off our minds.  But the reality is that quick solutions and fast completion of projects are often not possible, and we need to be more accepting of that reality.

There are frequently times when we need to be patient with other people.  When we find ourselves having difficulty being patient, it can be helpful to put ourselves in the other person’s place and treat her or him as we would want to be treated.  I think about an older person driving more slowly than we think they should but who needs to do that in order to drive safely.  Or a store clerk who isn’t checking out our order as fast as we want them to but who might be new at the job.  We can never know the full picture of other people’s situations, and they deserve to be given the benefit of the doubt.

Being patient is especially important when dealing with children.  We need to keep in mind children’s developmental levels and to not have expectations for them to respond or act in ways that they are not able to until they’ve reached certain developmental levels.

And, as Saint Francis points out, we need to be patient with ourselves.  Part of being human is that there will be times when we will make mistakes and have regrets.  Thankfully, we can learn from our mistakes and, where possible, address regrets, such as by apologizing to someone we realize we inadvertently hurt or by explaining a misunderstanding.  We also need to be patient with ourselves as we try to make positive changes, to grow in consciousness, and to listen to our inner voice.  Remember to take things a step at a time and recognize that there will be times when we will need to repeat a step.

People’s impatience not only causes them stress, which is unhealthy for them, but it also is hurtful to others.  If we truly believe in the importance of fairness and caring about the wellbeing of others, we need to notice when we are being impatient, to not give ourselves excuses for that, to take a deep breath or two, and to remind ourselves to be calm.  And then to be patient with and forgive ourselves.  Everyone with whom we interact and each of us will benefit from our efforts.