Month: October 2024

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Showing Up

In his book A Life of Meaning, Dr. James Hollis shares the mantra he says each morning as he’s heading to his work as a Jungian analyst:  “Shut up, suit up, show up.”  Just six words that say a lot.

In addition to being a Jungian analyst, Hollis is a teacher, writer, and presenter.  He has written many books, some of which are available as audiobooks, and I recommend them to you.

I think most (or more likely all) of us have times when we could benefit from telling ourselves to shut up, suit up, and show up.  I remind myself of these words when thoughts intrude about minor irritations and inconveniences.  When this happens, I tell myself it’s fine to acknowledge how I feel but then to put those irritations into perspective.  For it doesn’t take much comparing to see how fortunate I am.  I have a nice place to live, compared to the many people in our country and the world who are homeless or who live in areas where there is a lot of crime.  I have nutritious food readily available to me, and many people do not.  I have work that I like for the most part and that provides me sufficient income for my needs and wants, and many people not only have trouble finding work and/or keeping jobs for various reasons, including mental health issues, and many people dislike the jobs they do have.  I have good health, and many people deal with various physical and mental health issues.  It’s important to keep these and other aspects of life in perspective, which is a daily self-reminder from which all of us can benefit.

And then we need to do our best to keep our focus on what matters each day.  For the majority of us, this too is a daily effort.

Hollis’ mantra is yet another way of saying it matters that we endeavor each day to do what needs to be done, such as taking care of our children, going to our jobs, etc., and also that we do our best to follow the guidance of our inner voice in the many decisions and choices we make.  The mantra reminds us that, by shutting up, we stop wasting time and energy complaining and feeling sorry for ourselves and instead are thankful for the many blessings we have; by suiting up, we prepare for where we need to be and what we need to do; and by showing up we put forth the effort required to do what needs to be done that day.

Every choice we make and every action we do matters.  At the end of each day, by having tried our best to do what we needed to do, we not only fulfilled our responsibilities and used the abilities we’ve been given, we receive the additional benefit of feeling good about having spent time well.  And we added to that which is positive in our world.

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What It Means to Be Truly Healthy

“To be healthy, then, has nothing to do with serenity, and less to do with adjustment: to be healthy means to become whole.  We can perhaps say that the truly healthy person is the person who is involved in the lifelong process of individuation.”

This quote is by John A. Sanford from his book Healing and Wholeness.  Dr. Sanford was a Jungian analyst, Episcopal priest, writer, and presenter.  I have read many of his books, and I highly recommend Healing and Wholeness to you as well as his other books.

When reading this quote, one might question why Sanford would say to be healthy has nothing to do with serenity.  As he says in his book, he is referring to the idea that some people put forth that having serenity every day should be one’s goal and that feeling that way corresponds to being healthy.  Although serenity occurs from time to time for most of us, and is welcome when it does, it is unrealistic to expect to feel that way all or even much of the time.  If that were possible, it would mean we wouldn’t experience the many other emotions that are naturally part of being a human being who has feelings, for life includes happenings that cause us to feel various emotions.  It is natural that at times we will feel anxiety, fear, grief, and other difficult emotions.  And it is also natural that at times we will feel peaceful, content, and joyful.

When we feel grief, anxiety, fear, and other difficult emotions, they are often related to specific life experiences, such as grieving the loss of a loved one, fearing we will not succeed at something that means a lot to us, and feeling anxious when people we care about are struggling and we are limited in how we can help them.  Feeling what I’m referring to as difficult emotions not only is part of living life more fully, but also our dealing with whatever is happening that is causing those emotions leads to developing qualities such as perseverance, courage, patience, and empathy.  Such experiences are part of the individuation process to which Sanford refers:  the lifelong process of becoming the person we were created to be, of becoming whole.

Sanford also discusses how adjustment does not lead to a healthy life.  In Healing and Wholeness, he refers to the fact that many people adjust by wanting to fit in and by going along with whatever is expected by the culture they are a part of.  The concern here is that the messages to approach life in that way come from certain people in our lives, the media, the internet, etc., rather than from our inner voice.  Societal messages lead to sameness rather than to uniqueness, and we were all created to be unique human beings, each of us having our individual life journeys.  Also, Sanford points out that there is much about society that is not healthy, so to have adjustment as our goal is to make choices that are limiting and the opposite of health.

Trying to do that which is necessary in order to individuate by following our spiritual path—in other words, taking steps toward becoming the person we were created to be—is not easy.  In doing so, there are times when we will feel alone and have doubts.  And yet making the effort is often accompanied by a sense of reassurance that we are on our path even as we are going through challenging times, and also by times of genuine joy.

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Life’s Blessings and Life’s Lessons

“Some people come in our life as blessings.  Some come in your life as lessons.”

This quote is by Mother Teresa, who devoted her life to helping people in need, including by founding charitable organizations.  She and others in those organizations provided care to people dying from terminal illnesses, helped people who were living in poverty, and in many other ways endeavored to treat people in need with dignity.

When I think of people coming into our lives as blessings, I think of individuals who have influenced us in positive ways, who we looked up to because their words and actions reflected their positive qualities, and who added joy to our lives.

When I think of people coming into our lives as lessons, I think of individuals who, as a result of our having interacted in some way, made it possible for us to learn something about ourselves or our world.  Although I can’t know with certainty whether Mother Teresa was suggesting this, my impression from her quote is that those interactions had an element to difficulty or sadness from which we learned.

Mother Teresa’s referring to people coming in our lives as lessons caused me to think about an unexpected and sad situation I experienced and learned from.  About 15 years ago a member of my family of origin decided to end all communication with me and would not talk to me about the reasons for doing so and therefore blocked any chance for reconciliation.  Although I had heard and read about estrangements in families, I never expected that it would happen in my family.  In addition to my experiencing the grief that goes along with the loss of a family member, the difficulty and sadness was added to by my wondering what I might have said or done that led to this.  I’ll admit I might have said or done something that upset the person, but if so it was not done purposely to cause hurt and certainly not to lead to estrangement.

As with most grieving, time passing has decreased the hurt and questioning.  Some of the lessons I’ve learned from this unexpected experience are there are things we cannot be in control of despite our good intentions, we cannot change other people, there are times when we need to accept that we will never know the answers to questions we have, and it’s important to value the good relationships and friendships we do have.  These are all helpful life lessons that have assisted me when I’ve needed to deal with other situations that have come my way.

Mother Teresa’s referring to people coming in our lives as blessings made me think immediately of my daughter who is now an adult.  I’m thankful that I was given the gift of being a mother, and from the time she was born to the present, she has added much joy to my life.  And of course I learned much about life in my role as a parent when raising her and I continue to learn from our relationship as adults now.  Another person who came in my life as a blessing is the Jungian psychotherapist I sought out many years ago for help with some issues I was dealing with.  He not only helped me with the difficulties for which I initially saw him, but through our therapeutic work and through books he recommended, I learned about growing in  consciousness, dream work,  projections, synchronicities, doing our best to follow inner guidance—knowledge that has led to my having a meaningful and purposeful life.

There have been many other people who have been blessings in my life and many who have fit more the category of being lessons.  It’s part of life that there will be both.  Despite how difficult some of life’s lessons can be, they too are part of our personal journeys as we grow in consciousness that enables us to develop positive qualities.  And ideally those positive qualities will make it possible for us to be blessings in the lives of other people.

I often quote Mother Theresa’s words of wisdom and I’m grateful for how her words, and my contemplating them, help me to grow in wisdom as well.  For those who are reading this post, I’m thankful they help you to grow in wisdom also.