“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
This quote is by Carl Gustav Jung who was a Swiss psychiatrist and psychotherapist who lived from 1875 to 1961. He founded the school of analytical psychology based in large part on his extensive clinical work with clients and his own inner work. He was also knowledgeable about many cultures, and that knowledge along with his travels to various areas of the world contributed to his understanding of the human psyche.
One area that Jung studied and wrote about was the concept of projection, and the quotation I’ve chosen relates to that. Projection occurs when we attribute to another person or group characteristics that might be a reflection of something about ourselves of which we are not aware. We project positive as well as negative attributes, but according to what I’ve read about projection, there tends to be more projection of negative aspects. It is an unconscious phenomenon and therefore is not something we are able to cause to happen. But we can try to notice when it does occur and to learn about ourselves from it. As Jung says, it can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.
Having a strong emotional reaction to someone is often a sign that projection has taken place. In the quotation I chose, Jung refers to that which irritates us about others. Many behaviors can cause us to feel irritated. They include when people are self-righteous, have angry outbursts, or lack empathy for others. When someone says something and/or acts in a way that reflects any of these and we have a strong emotional reaction to him or her as a result, we can ask ourselves what might my reaction be telling me about myself. This doesn’t mean it’s acceptable for people to act in those ways—ideally they will change. But by checking in with ourselves, we can see where we might have a degree of the characteristic that bothers us. And when we realize and acknowledge that we do, there is a better possibility of our making changes, being more humble (a valuable quality to have), and being less judgmental of the person whose behavior or words irritated us.
I’m thankful that many years ago I learned about the phenomenon of projection. Although I readily acknowledge that I don’t recognize it every time it occurs, I try to be watchful of when it might have happened and through that to better understand myself. I encourage all of us to do the same and thus to live a more authentic life, a life that aligns our thoughts and our actions with our values.