Month: June 2019

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Precious Moments

I visited my elderly mother at her assisted living apartment after work today, something I usually do several times a week. She has late-onset Alzheimer’s disease. Thankfully, it didn’t start until she was 96 years old. I’m also thankful that she knows who I am and always gives me a big smile when I arrive. I have friends whose parents had Alzheimer’s disease and who no longer recognized them. As much as we all need to accept such changes, it can be distressing when that happens.

A pattern my mother has is to tell me how much she likes the outfit I’m wearing and that it is pretty. It’s often one of the first things she says, and she usually says it at least six times during our hour-long visit. She compliments clothing she has seen many times but she doesn’t remember having seen before. I respond each time, thanking her for the compliment or telling her I like it too.

I feel gratitude both for her and for me that she seems basically content despite having memory issues. She always thanks me for helping her and for visiting her. And I thank her for all she did for me throughout the years, including taking care of me when I was a child, cooking delicious meals, and encouraging me to go to college even though our family was not well off financially.

Visiting my mother and seeing the other people who live on the floor where she lives remind me both to count my blessings for all the abilities I have and to try to live each day well, because they certainly pass by quickly.

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Wisdom

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” This prayer, known as the Serenity Prayer, was written by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr. It is a well-known prayer in part because it was adopted by Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step programs.

The Serenity Prayer helps me to put things in perspective. As I have mentioned in some of my posts, I find myself wondering why there is so much that is wrong in our world, in particular the cruel things people do to each other, such as child, elder, and intimate partner abuse, hate crimes, and war. I feel for the innocent people who just want to live their lives in peace but happen to have been born in a war-torn country or a place where cruel acts based on racial or ethnic prejudice are common. And there are also the less obvious but too prevalent forms of cruelty such as people being involved in scams that steal money from vulnerable adults. Not only do I wonder why such cruelty exists, I also feel very limited in my ability to help people in those situations.

The Serenity Prayer helps me to accept that there are things I cannot directly change. Just as important, however, it also helps me to focus on and put energy toward doing the things I do have the ability to accomplish, or to work toward accomplishing, that help to make our world a better place. These include endeavoring to treat people with respect, to be patient, and to be fair. And to have humility, remembering that any positive qualities I have and any of my accomplishments are gifts from the Creator.

The Serenity Prayer also reminds me of the Jungian concept of individuation, the inner process where a person grows in consciousness and becomes more whole. Where the prayer refers to courage, I’m reminded that it takes courage to try to follow the direction we receive from our inner voice. And where the prayer refers to wisdom, I’m reminded of the wisdom of our inner voice that both gives us direction and also gives us the ability to try to follow that direction.

Many of the Jungian authors I have read believe that each person who becomes more conscious, who works toward individuation, helps our world. I pray and I believe that this is true.