Month: January 2020

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Dealing with Anxiety

In my work as a crisis line counselor, people sometimes call because they are feeling anxious and are looking for help to deal with those feelings. Some people experience anxiety daily or almost daily, including having panic attacks. Many people who have this level of anxiety see a therapist and/or a psychiatrist and they often take prescribed medication.

For others, the anxiety is more situational. Many life events can cause stress. Perhaps they’re worried they won’t meet an upcoming deadline, perhaps someone they care about is going through a difficult time and they feel limited in their ability to help that person, perhaps there is a disagreement where resolution doesn’t seem possible—these are just a few of the life happenings that can lead to feelings of anxiety.

I am fortunate that I don’t have chronic anxiety, but there have been times when I’ve felt anxious. One of those times was when my father was seriously ill and receiving hospice care. He was often on my mind, and sometimes I would wake up at night feeling on edge and would have trouble falling asleep again. I also found myself worrying about my mother, being concerned about how she was coping during that sad and difficult period.

Crisis line counselors are trained to try to help callers to do what they are able to in the moment. In assessing callers’ needs based on what they have shared with us, we may ask if they have considered seeing a therapist, for therapists are the professionals who can assist when longer term help is indicated. In the moment, trying coping techniques is what is possible. Some coping skills that often help people to be calmer are doing breathing techniques, listening to music, writing in a journal, drawing or coloring, and exercising. Some people are able to “distract” from thoughts that are adding to the anxiety by watching a lighthearted video or doing a household chore.

What matters is being willing to try some of these self-care approaches. Many people have told me they didn’t think doing any of the coping techniques would help and were surprised that they did help. Even if the anxiety doesn’t totally diminish, by taking some steps people were able to decrease the intensity of their anxious feelings. And to feel good about their ability to do so.

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Authentic Human Connection

“By setting aside time every day, we can leave the pixelated wilds and rest at least for a little while in a place of unplugged, authentic human connection.” This quote from author Meghan Cox Gurdon’s book The Enchanted Hour: The Miraculous Power of Reading Aloud in the Age of Distraction, is referring to setting aside time to read to children. As I wrote in a recent post, Ms. Cox Gurdon’s book presents many compelling reasons to make this commitment.

This quote also reminds me of how “unplugged, authentic human connection” is important in all relationships. Too often we see, such as in a restaurant, a family or a couple sitting together but each person, adults as well as children, is looking at his or her phone. There is no interaction among them. There are also many times when children try to get a parent’s attention, but the parent continues looking at the phone and ignoring the children or telling them to wait. These are just two of the many examples of people choosing technology over human connection.

I want to be clear that I’m truly amazed at and appreciative of advances in technology. I value the many useful features of smart phones, computers, and the internet and the way they have improved our lives. And I understand there are times when people need to check if they’ve received an email or voicemail message that needs a response. But I am concerned about the negative consequences when people spend so much time using technology that they don’t realize it is at the cost of not having genuine connections with people. I’m not alone in having this concern; many articles have been written about this topic.

When I think of authenticity, I also think of the Jungian concept of individuation. Individuation is the life-long process of becoming the unique persons we were each created to be by growing in consciousness. As people become more conscious and centered, they become more genuine and trustworthy and therefore more authentic. These are qualities that matter in interactions with the people we know and love and also with everyone with whom we interact.

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Giving Children the Gift of Reading

I have been enjoying reading author Meghan Cox Gurdon’s book The Enchanted Hour: The Miraculous Power of Reading Aloud in the Age of Distraction.

As a parent, I knew intuitively that reading to my daughter when she was a child would be an expression of my love and a way to show her that she mattered. I also knew it would help her to become a better reader and improve her ability to express herself. By being introduced through stories to people, places, and experiences outside of her day-to-day surroundings and interactions with others, she would gain a larger vocabulary and knowledge of the world.

Ms. Cox Gurdon’s book confirms what I experienced by reading to my daughter and in addition has added much to my knowledge about how children gain from being read to by others. The author writes about her personal experience reading to her children, presents findings of many research studies, and shares what she learned from her interviews with experts in child development and related fields. For example, studies have shown that children listening to audiobooks by themselves gain very little as compared to being read to by someone in person. Similarly, research shows that electronic reading toys and tablets have few benefits. Parents and caregivers should not be influenced by misleading advertising that suggests otherwise.

It is recommended that reading to children begin when they are babies. Some adults might question this because babies are too young to understand the actual words. But research has shown that listening to reading causes connections to take place in children’s brains even at a very young age, and of course the physical closeness to the person holding them as they are reading is a valuable nurturing experience.

Another fact that made an impression on me was that it is not only the reading of the words of the book that has a positive influence, but also that looking at the illustrations adds to what a child takes in. There are and have been for many years numerous talented illustrators of children’s books. Talking to children about what they see in the illustrations, and pointing to objects, people, animals, etc. that appear on the pages, add to children’s knowledge and to the enjoyable interaction.

The author sums up her experience of reading to her children as well as what she learned in researching her book in this way: “Reading every day with children can’t guarantee perfect outcomes for any family—not in grades, not in happiness, not in relationships. But it is as close to a miracle product as we can buy, and it doesn’t cost a nickel. As a flawed, fallible person with an imperfect temper, I know that reading every night is not just the nicest thing I’ve done with my children but represents, without question, the best I have been able to give them as their mother.”

I encourage parents, guardians, grandparents, and others who have close relationships with children to share the gift of reading with those children. The benefits are great, both for those being read to and for those doing the reading.