Month: January 2021

In my work as a crisis line counselor, I’ve spoken with many people who called looking for help.  Some were grieving a loss, some were struggling with feelings of anxiety, some were worried about loved ones who had addiction problems, some were depressed.  In each case, they felt a need to talk to someone.  And the best help I could give them was to listen.  To listen without judgment and to give them my full attention.

It’s important for people in counseling-related fields to be good listeners.  It has been shown to be one of the most therapeutic things a counselor can do.  That has been borne out in my experience because often people who called told me it meant a lot to them that I gave them the opportunity to express how they were feeling.  Sometimes they chose to call a crisis line because they didn’t feel comfortable talking with someone they knew, either not wanting that person to worry about them and in some cases being concerned the person might not maintain confidentiality.  And sometimes the person who called had a counselor, but it helped them to talk to someone for a few minutes between their counseling sessions.

Being good listeners doesn’t apply only to people in the helping professions.  It’s something all of us should endeavor to be.  It’s one of the best things we can do in any of our relationships—with our spouse or partner, our children, and other people we care about.  Too often when someone is talking to us, instead of giving our full attention to that person, we’re thinking about what our response will be or what we plan to do when the conversation is over.  It takes practice and a willingness to share some time with another person in order to be a good listener.

Although in this post I’ve focused on listening to others when they’re struggling with problems, giving people our full attention is a wonderful gift in other situations too.  Listening as children tell us about something they did or observed adds to their feeling good about themselves because we show them we value what they want to share with us; listening to elderly persons talk about how their day went acknowledges that their lives matter even as they’ve needed to adjust to the changes that growing older brings; listening to coworkers helps them feel better about the work they’re doing; listening to our spouse or partner conveys our love for them.  These are a few of the many ways that being listened to makes a difference in people’s lives.

Attentive and caring listening is a valuable quality for anyone to have.  There’s no question this world would be a better place if more of us would prioritize and embrace that quality.

“Most of us have two lives.  The life we live and the unlived life within us.  Between the two stands Resistance.”  This quote is by author Steven Pressfield and appears in his book The War of Art:  Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles.

In his book, Pressfield writes about the nature of resistance, including the many forms it takes.  He capitalizes the word “Resistance” throughout the book, signifying the considerable influence it has on each of us.  Although, as the subtitle indicates, Pressfield emphasizes how resistance makes it difficult for us to access and express our creativity, he also points out how it makes it more difficult for us to work toward any types of goals.  It gets in the way of our resolution to spend more time with our children, to eat more nutritiously, to start or continue an exercise program, and so on.  Its goal is to keep us from succeeding in endeavors that make our lives more purposeful.  It is often successful in doing this because, as Pressfield says, in order to overcome resistance, we must be willing to do the work.  And too often we don’t want to do that.

One of the ways resistance affects me is in writing posts for this blog.  It’s that voice in my head that says I cannot come up with an idea to write about and/or many people have already written about so and so and/or I’ll probably have an idea tomorrow so I won’t write today and/or who am I to think I have anything to contribute by writing a blog?  That’s how resistance works; it gives us all kinds of reasons not to do what it would be best for us to do.  When I say “best for us to do” I’m referring to doing those things that we were created to do, those things that we have discerned by trying to listen to our inner voice.  That’s the voice in our heart rather than the voice in our head.

No one said following our inner guidance is easy, although there are times when it’s as if the universe does give us unexpected help to do that.  Following our inner direction requires that we do the work, make the effort.  It means we set aside our ego desires to do the things that have value.  That we recognize the many forms resistance takes, acknowledge its presence, make the choice to ignore it, and then do what we know is best for us to do.

I encourage you to read The War of Art.  As a friend of mine said, it’s a jewel of a book.  I agree.