In my work as a crisis line counselor, I’ve spoken with many people who called looking for help. Some were grieving a loss, some were struggling with feelings of anxiety, some were worried about loved ones who had addiction problems, some were depressed. In each case, they felt a need to talk to someone. And the best help I could give them was to listen. To listen without judgment and to give them my full attention.
It’s important for people in counseling-related fields to be good listeners. It has been shown to be one of the most therapeutic things a counselor can do. That has been borne out in my experience because often people who called told me it meant a lot to them that I gave them the opportunity to express how they were feeling. Sometimes they chose to call a crisis line because they didn’t feel comfortable talking with someone they knew, either not wanting that person to worry about them and in some cases being concerned the person might not maintain confidentiality. And sometimes the person who called had a counselor, but it helped them to talk to someone for a few minutes between their counseling sessions.
Being good listeners doesn’t apply only to people in the helping professions. It’s something all of us should endeavor to be. It’s one of the best things we can do in any of our relationships—with our spouse or partner, our children, and other people we care about. Too often when someone is talking to us, instead of giving our full attention to that person, we’re thinking about what our response will be or what we plan to do when the conversation is over. It takes practice and a willingness to share some time with another person in order to be a good listener.
Although in this post I’ve focused on listening to others when they’re struggling with problems, giving people our full attention is a wonderful gift in other situations too. Listening as children tell us about something they did or observed adds to their feeling good about themselves because we show them we value what they want to share with us; listening to elderly persons talk about how their day went acknowledges that their lives matter even as they’ve needed to adjust to the changes that growing older brings; listening to coworkers helps them feel better about the work they’re doing; listening to our spouse or partner conveys our love for them. These are a few of the many ways that being listened to makes a difference in people’s lives.
Attentive and caring listening is a valuable quality for anyone to have. There’s no question this world would be a better place if more of us would prioritize and embrace that quality.