Month: October 2018

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Working at Individuation

One of the primary concepts of Jungian psychology is individuation, the inner process where we grow in consciousness and become more whole. We grow in consciousness by integrating aspects of the unconscious that we learn from the symbols and stories of our dreams, from synchronicities, from unexpected occurrences, and from what we sense intuitively. As we become more individuated, we become more the persons we were created to be.

In his book Inner Work, Jungian psychotherapist and author Robert Johnson writes: “If we work at individuation, we begin to see the difference between the ideas and values that come out of our own selves and the social opinions that we absorb from the world around us. We can cease to be mere appendages of a society or a clique of people: We learn that we have our own values, our own ways of life, that proceed naturally out of our inborn natures.”

Although the notion of being our “own person” and being “an individual” is talked about as an ideal in our culture, there is much pressure to adapt and fit in rather than to be truly individual. The news media, advertising, and political groups have as their goal to influence how we think and act. With some exceptions, family, social, and religious groups too often focus on conforming to their definition of how we should be rather than promoting genuine individuality.

Because this is the case, it takes courage and persistence to try to listen to our inner voice–to listen to the Self, to use Jung’s terminology. It takes faith in the process and realization that when that faith waivers, we are always welcome to start again. Notice that Johnson writes “If we work at individuation . . . .” It is work. It is not the easy way. But it is definitely the meaningful way.

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Loneliness

In my work as a crisis line counselor, I have often heard from people who are lonely and who long to have a loving and committed relationship. Some have been in relationships that they needed to end, some have experienced the other person leaving them and are grieving not being with that person anymore, and some have always found it difficult to meet others and have never been in an exclusive relationship. Loneliness is painful.

It concerns me when people tell me the only thing that matters is to have someone in their lives so they aren’t lonely any more. It’s essential for everyone to find a sense of meaning as individuals. I would never say this totally takes away feelings of loneliness, definitely not, for I have empathy for lonely people. But it’s important not to depend on a relationship with someone to be the only thing that makes life meaningful. For this reason, it is often recommended that people who feel lonely explore interests and activities that they might enjoy, such as learning to play a musical instrument or starting an exercise program. Another possibility is to volunteer for a cause they care about. When people are feeling down, it can be difficult to find the motivation to do this, but many people have benefited by making such choices. And sometimes doing something a person cares about leads to meeting someone who has similar interests and values.

Growing in consciousness can also help people feel less lonely. Several of the authors whose books I have read about doing inner work have found this to be the case for their clients. It’s as if the various aspects of our psyches, such as our inner feminine and masculine, are in a sense companions to us. If it were an ideal world, I would wish for everyone to have someone who loves them dearly. Because it is not an ideal world, I wish for everyone to find meaning in their lives that, if it does not totally end their feelings of loneliness, at least diminishes those feelings. And adds significance and purpose to each day.

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Dreams Speak through Symbols

It has been very helpful to me to have learned that dreams give us essential information about ourselves. I say “very helpful” but “life-changing” is more accurate. It was almost 30 years ago that I began meeting with a Jungian psychotherapist, became acquainted with Carl Jung’s theories, and began reading books to augment what I was learning in therapy. Dreams, through their symbols and stories, provide us with information from the unconscious, self-knowledge that becomes integrated with our conscious personalities, making us more aware and more whole persons.

As is true of books and articles about all topics, some are much better than others. As I’ve said in other posts, Jungian psychotherapist John Sanford’s books are excellent. Another Jungian psychotherapist and author whose writing I respect is Robert A. Johnson. Like Sanford, Johnson effectively writes about Jungian ideas, as well as his own and other people’s experiences with dream work. Here’s an excerpt from Johnson’s book Inner Work: “For every symbol in a dream the unconscious is ready to provide the associations that explain the symbol’s meaning. The unconscious contains within itself the references for every symbol that it generates; therefore the symbolic language of the unconscious can be decoded. Our task begins with waking up to the associations that spontaneously flow out of us in response to symbols.”

I recently remembered two dreams that occurred within one day of each other and a friend of mine appeared in both dreams. After recording the dreams in my journal, I thought of my associations to my friend, including what I consider to be her positive qualities and also those aspects of her personality that don’t appeal to me. After doing that, I felt like I understood what the dreams might be telling me about myself. The dream image of my friend was not about her; rather, the dream used her image to symbolically represent certain aspects of my personality that the dream wanted to bring to my attention.

As I said earlier, I worked with a Jungian therapist. I think it can be difficult for a person to do dream work without the assistance, at least initially, of a therapist who has expertise in this area. I highly recommend doing this. It is life-changing.

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Sharing the Gift of Time

My mother is 99 years old and thankfully was able to live in her home until she was 94, living there by herself eight years after my father passed away. Since then she has lived in an assisted living apartment. The transition from living independently to living in an assisted living facility or nursing home is usually difficult for people, understandably so. They miss the familiarity of their home, friends, and routine, and find themselves in entirely different surroundings, with people they don’t know. The transition was difficult for my mother but, I’m happy to say, she is generally content now.

Whenever I see that someone new has moved onto Mom’s floor, I say a prayer for that person. The reason each person needs to be there is unique to him or her—sometimes there are cognitive changes, sometimes physical limitations, and sometimes both. But no matter what the reason for needing to move there, I doubt that it’s an easy life change.

I recently heard someone who is in her 70s and whose mother is in her 90s complaining about the time it takes to visit her mother and do tasks for her, such as taking care of her finances and purchasing items her mother needs. One of the reasons the person gave was that she herself is getting older and it might not be long before she will need someone to take care of her. She resented that helping her mother resulted in less time being available to do things she would rather do.

If I have a long life and need to live in assisted living someday, I hope there will be people who want to visit me and to assist me with those things I can no longer do on my own. I spend time with my mother because I love her, but also to follow the teaching of “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” (Luke 6:31). This maxim applies to many situations. If our inner direction is to do certain things we would rather not do, try not to focus on the inconvenience. A life of only ease and comfort is not a meaningful life.