In my work as a crisis line counselor, I have often heard from people who are lonely and who long to have a loving and committed relationship. Some have been in relationships that they needed to end, some have experienced the other person leaving them and are grieving not being with that person anymore, and some have always found it difficult to meet others and have never been in an exclusive relationship. Loneliness is painful.
It concerns me when people tell me the only thing that matters is to have someone in their lives so they aren’t lonely any more. It’s essential for everyone to find a sense of meaning as individuals. I would never say this totally takes away feelings of loneliness, definitely not, for I have empathy for lonely people. But it’s important not to depend on a relationship with someone to be the only thing that makes life meaningful. For this reason, it is often recommended that people who feel lonely explore interests and activities that they might enjoy, such as learning to play a musical instrument or starting an exercise program. Another possibility is to volunteer for a cause they care about. When people are feeling down, it can be difficult to find the motivation to do this, but many people have benefited by making such choices. And sometimes doing something a person cares about leads to meeting someone who has similar interests and values.
Growing in consciousness can also help people feel less lonely. Several of the authors whose books I have read about doing inner work have found this to be the case for their clients. It’s as if the various aspects of our psyches, such as our inner feminine and masculine, are in a sense companions to us. If it were an ideal world, I would wish for everyone to have someone who loves them dearly. Because it is not an ideal world, I wish for everyone to find meaning in their lives that, if it does not totally end their feelings of loneliness, at least diminishes those feelings. And adds significance and purpose to each day.