“If we judge others, it is because we are judging something in ourselves of which we are unaware.”
This quote is by John A. Sanford who was a Jungian analyst, an Episcopal priest, a speaker, and the author of several books. Reading his books has been of great help to me, and I highly recommend them to you. Some of his books are Healing and Wholeness, Dreams: God’s Forgotten Language, The Kingdom Within: The Inner Meaning of Jesus’ Sayings, and Dreams and Healing.
Judging others is a tendency that most if not all people have. We all have values and worldviews, and we often expect others to have values and worldviews similar to ours. And when they don’t, we can fall into the trap of assuming there is something wrong with them.
When Sanford says “we are judging something in ourselves,” I’m reminded of psychological projection. Projection occurs when we attribute to another person or group qualities and/or characteristics that might be a reflection of something about ourselves of which we are not conscious.
Because projection happens unconsciously, we do not control whether or when it occurs. But we can try to notice when it has happened and then do some self-questioning: Is it possible that what I don’t like about a certain person or group is an aspect of myself I hadn’t realized was there? For example, if we notice ourselves being judgmental about someone we consider to be self-centered, upon reflection we might remember times when we too have been self-centered. It’s far easier to notice what we consider to be faults of others than it is to see them in ourselves.
Having a strong emotional reaction to or about another person or group is often a signal that projection has occurred. That emotional reaction can serve as a reminder to put some thought into what is very likely projection and then to learn from what we’ve discovered about ourselves. The purpose of learning about ourselves isn’t to be down on ourselves but rather to assist us to change in positive ways by being watchful of negative tendencies we’ve discovered we have.
Sanford’s words “of which we are unaware” point to the importance of making efforts to grow in awareness. Lack of awareness frequently causes harm to others. Projection is the basis for prejudices against people with whom we disagree and against people who are different from us by race, ethnicity, sexual identity, age, faith tradition, etc. Prejudice and the judging of others it leads to are often the basis for unjust laws and even are the cause of wars in addition to the hurt they causes to individuals in day-to-day interactions.
By making an effort to grow in awareness, we are less likely to judge others. And we add to our self-knowledge which is the first step to making positive changes that decrease the chance that we might unconsciously cause harm to others.