“There’s only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.”
This quote is by Aldous Huxley, who was an English writer and philosopher. He wrote poetry, essays, and many books.
It’s a common human trait to want other people to change, including people who disagree with us, who act in ways we don’t consider to be acceptable, or with whom we feel uncomfortable because of our differences. And there are times when our wanting other people to change is based on our sincere concern for them, such as someone we are close to who is addicted to a substance and ideally should start a treatment program or someone who shows clear signs of depression and who ideally should seek help by meeting with a therapist.
And yet, as Huxley says, the only person who each of us can improve is ourself. We can encourage others, we can try to be good examples by modeling healthy behaviors, we might even be able to have some influence on helping others make changes that will benefit them. But we cannot cause other people to change, for adults must make that decision for themselves. And then make the effort that will lead to the changes they are seeking. No one else can do that for them.
In my work as a crisis line counselor, I sometimes receive calls from people expressing sadness and/or frustration with their spouse or partner, saying how they wish that person would change, and wondering what they can do to cause their spouse or partner to change. It’s hard to accept that we can’t change others. What we can do is to try to be understanding and open-minded, and perhaps try to have a conversation with that person about our concerns.
As far as improving ourselves, all of us have areas that need improvement. If we don’t recognize that, we’re not being honest with ourselves. One of those areas for many of us has to do with our physical health: eating nutritiously, exercising, having a healthy weight, getting sufficient sleep, and stopping smoking or using drugs. Improvement in these areas not only decreases our chance of becoming seriously ill, but also improves our emotional and mental health.
Other ways we can make changes that will benefit ourselves and others are by becoming better listeners; starting or increasing the ways we try to help our environment by recycling, composting, and being aware of when we’re wasting energy; and having gratitude for all that is good in our lives, noticing those things we take for granted and instead recognizing how fortunate we are.
So as we try to make improvements in ourselves, we need to remember to take things a step at a time and be patient with ourselves. To use Huxley’s words, work on that “one corner of the universe” who is you.