Category: PersonalGrowth

 “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”

This quote is by the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.  As one of the well-known leaders of the civil rights movement, he devoted a great deal of his time and energy working toward justice, equal treatment, and equal opportunities for all people.

Unjust actions and policies on a national and international level are the ones we most often hear about.  Those actions and policies have done a great deal of harm to countless people throughout history, including in the present.  These include injustices based on race, ethnicity, gender, age, and religious affiliation.  I’m thankful for the positive changes that have happened in many of these areas, but there is always more that needs to be done to stop the harm that many people must endure.

We don’t hear as much about injustices that individuals do to each other, which of course are also wrong.  Emotionally and physically abusive behavior and bullying are some of the harsher forms of injustice that occur on an individual level.  Being unfair, judging others, and even gossiping also fit within what Dr. King refers to as injustice anywhere.  When I say “even gossiping,” it’s because too many people don’t consider gossiping to be harmful.  On the contrary, people who are talked about negatively are definitely harmed.  Frequently people who gossip about others say things that they don’t know the full picture about and that often are not based on fact.  And many times people who have heard the gossip start avoiding the person spoken about or treating them negatively in other ways. 

Bullying, emotional abuse, unfairness, judging others, and gossip also happen far too often on the internet.  There is so much information on the internet that is fact-based and useful, but there is also much misinformation, disinformation, and content that has the purpose of hurting others.  I believe that these are also threats to justice, to use Dr. King’s words.

It’s essential for all of us to take care to question whether we are being unjust in any way, including by being unfair or judgmental.  It’s also important that we help our children and grandchildren by modeling fairness and acceptance.  In that way, we will help them to develop the virtues of being fair and just, leading to a better future for themselves and for the people with whom they interact.

“The best way to not feel hopeless is to get up and do something. Don’t wait for good things to happen to you. If you go out and make some good things happen, you will fill the world with hope, you will fill yourself with hope.”

This quote is by Barack Obama, who was President of the United States from 2009 to 2017. He continues to be involved in important work, including speaking about preserving our democracy, as well as being involved in philanthropy, writing, and making documentaries.  I consider him to have been one of the most effective Presidents during my lifetime.

This quotation resonates with me because of its emphasis on the importance of our endeavoring to add to that which is hopeful in our world.  When we’re feeling down, it can be hard to find the motivation to, as Obama says, “get up and do something”; it can be hard even to have an idea of what to do.  Asking for guidance through prayer and trying to listen to our inner voice can help.

Once we have an idea of what we might do to “go out and make some things happen,” as Obama says, we need to remember to not put unreasonable expectations on ourselves and to take things a step at a time.  Even those beginning steps can result in our feeling more vital and therefore more hopeful.

It can help us to have a sense of purpose by becoming involved in causes we believe in and by assisting others through various organizations such as food shelves, children’s tutoring programs, and other types of volunteering.  It’s easy to search online to learn about volunteer opportunities in the communities where we live.  I believe we can also decrease the tendency for feeling hopeless by the choices we make for how we spend our free time, such as by finding and pursuing personal interests that are meaningful to us, reading well written books, and spending time in nature, all of which can lift our spirits and thus help us to be more hopeful.

Another way we can help ourselves feel more hopeful is to limit the amount of news we read or watch.  It’s one thing to be adequately informed; it’s another to read about or watch repeated coverage of the same happenings.  This repetition tends to multiply the negative effects news has on us emotionally.  Therapists frequently recommend limiting exposure to news to their clients who struggle with depression and/or anxiety.

My hope is that all of us take Obama’s words to heart and find and pursue ways that add hope to our world.

“Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how’.”

This quote is by Viktor Frankl from his book Man’s Search for Meaning.  A few weeks ago I wrote a post based on another quotation from the same book. If you haven’t read Man’s Search for Meaning, I encourage you to do so.

I believe that keeping Frankl’s words in mind can help us through any difficulties we encounter.  And knowing that these are the words of a man who survived being in concentration camps for three years where there was not only the psychological burden of  being imprisoned, but also forced labor, minimal food or warmth, seeing others die, and being beaten by guards further supports that it is possible to persevere despite horrendous circumstances.

I think about people I know who have serious illnesses and who, even though recognizing that the treatments for the illnesses might not cure them, continue to do what is needed, including experiencing painful side effects.  I think about people who are grieving–missing loved ones who have passed away, feeling alone after a spouse or partner chose to leave them, or missing the job they liked that was ended because of downsizing.  I think of people who had hoped to fall in love and have a committed relationship but that hasn’t happened for them.  For all of them and for all of us, that something that keeps us striving is the “why” of living.  And the “why” of living certainly includes those aspects of each of our lives that give it meaning.

I find Frankl’s words helpful to recall for less “life changing” experiences as well.  When I’m feeling down, I remind myself that it’s human to have various feelings, and I also remind myself of those things that make my life meaningful.  Those reminders can help us often, such as when we’re feeling lonely or disappointed or are having a bout of illness.

Although our world has many bad and wrong things about it, including that which Frankl and numerous others experienced in concentration camps, I’m thankful for the many good and right things that also exist in our world.  They include the positive actions and words of many people, organizations that provide help to people, and ethical and just causes. The good and right things are what make up a large part of that which gives us our “why” to live.

“Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.”

This quote is by Helen Keller, a woman who, although becoming both deaf and blind when she was very young, learned to speak, read, and write and became a well-known author, presenter, and philanthropist.

Keller’s words emphasize the importance of having a sense of purpose.  In addition to it leading to true happiness, as she says, I would add that it also leads to a sense of peace and to a more meaningful life.  As I contemplate Keller’s words, I believe that what she calls true happiness refers to a genuine, deep happiness that is based on something of value, as compared to the more light-hearted happiness that we experience from time to time. 

Keller also stresses that self-gratification does not lead to true happiness.  Keller lived from 1880 to 1968 and therefore she wasn’t as surrounded by the media and advertising as we are today.  Many aspects of our culture, media, the internet, and advertising encourage us to prioritize obtaining items and having experiences that we want, suggesting that that is what causes us to be happy.  However, many people have found through personal experience that being able to have many material possessions may initially make them feel happy, but it is a transient happiness, not a true happiness. And they feel an emptiness as a result.  Thankfully, this experience helps many women and men to realize the importance of finding purpose in their lives.

There are many ways that we can experience a sense of purpose.  Some are by helping others by sharing our time and abilities with them; doing our best to be good parents and grandparents; and contributing financially to and/or volunteering at organizations that support valuable causes.

Having a sense of purpose is vital to living life well.  Trying to discern those things our Creator wants us to do and then trying our best to act upon what we discern lead us to those “worthy purposes” to which Keller refers.

“It is not the length of life, but the depth.” 

This quote is by Ralph Waldo Emerson.  Emerson was an American essayist, lecturer, philosopher, minister, abolitionist, and poet who lived in the 1800s.

There are many people who live long lives, often living many years beyond the average age of death in the part of the world where they live.  A lot of older people’s ability to do tasks and activities and to live independently continues well into their older years, and many have been blessed with good physical and mental health.  I am one of those fortunate people.

And yet, as Emerson says, it is the depth of our lives—how we live our lives—that matters more than the number of years we live.  When based on ethical principles and integrity, our priorities and our approach to life give our existence value.  When they include caring about others and not just ourselves, adding to that which is good and right in this world through our words and actions, being thankful for our blessings—these are the thoughts that come to mind when Emerson speaks of the depth of living.  Endeavoring to live in this way also leads to having a meaningful life. 

To live life deeply can be experienced in many ways:  in the way we treat others, by not judging others, by being generous with our time, talents, and abilities, and by putting effort into doing the things we are called to do.  Living in a meaningful way can and does take place for many people who act genuinely and with humility.  Acknowledging that all of our abilities and the positive opportunities that come our way are gifts from our Creator helps us to be humble—a quality that is essential to living deeply.

I encourage all of us to do those things that add depth to our lives.  It takes effort, but the effort is well worth it.

“Everything can be taken from a man [person] but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

This quote is by Viktor Frankl who was an Austrian psychiatrist, neurologist, philosopher, and writer who lived from 1905 to 1997.  During World War II he was imprisoned in Nazi concentration camps.  He survived, and in 1946 he published his book Man’s Search for Meaning, in which he wrote about his experiences and the effects those experiences had on his approach to life.  He also developed a method of psychotherapy that he called logotherapy.  Logotherapy is based on the tenets that people have an innate desire to have free will and to find meaning in their lives.

I have great respect for Frankl.  He not only persevered and survived the horrific treatment of being in concentration camps, he also learned after the war ended that his wife and father died in other concentration camps and that his mother and brother were murdered by the Nazis.  To go through such loss and hardship and to have the inner strength to continue on are awe-inspiring.

When Frankl speaks of the human freedom to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, I think about how challenging that can be.  Even in far less serious situations, it can be difficult to choose our attitude and maintain it although we know it is what we should do. It certainly takes strength of purpose and perseverance and in certain situations it requires us to have courage.  Yet knowing that it is possible to do so, such as by reading Man’s Search for Meaning, can help us. 

One of my prayers is to ask our Creator to help me to keep things in perspective, to catch myself when I think too much about something that isn’t that important, and to remind myself to focus on the things that really matter.  In other words, to choose the attitude our Creator wants me to choose and to try my best to maintain that attitude.

In thinking about choosing our attitude, I’m reminded of the importance of trying to hear our inner voice.  Endeavoring to follow its guidance is what gives us the ability to choose our own way, to use Frankl’s words.  Because when we try to discern and to follow the messages from our inner voice, we can be sure we are following our own way.

“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”

This quote is by James Baldwin, an American writer and civil rights activist who lived from 1924 to 1987.  He was known for his essays, novels, plays, and poems.

If you’ve read some of my other posts, you know that I care deeply about nurturing children and being positive role models for them.  Doing all we can to help children to have positive experiences in childhood and to become adults who add to what is good and right in our world is one of the most valuable accomplishments we can attain.

There are many influences on the development of children’s personalities, and a major one is their taking in what they see and hear around them.  This leads to the imitation to which Baldwin refers, and it begins in very early childhood.  And although in most cases the people that children see and hear most often are their parents, daycare providers, and teachers, they also are influenced by what other people they are around even occasionally do and say.

That’s why it’s essential that all of us be aware that this happens and do our best to model behaviors that will have positive effects on children.  Are we respectful and courteous when we interact with others?  That includes not only our family members and friends, but others with whom the children see us interact.  Are we patient or impatient?  Are we giving or selfish?  Are we compassionate or uncaring?  Do we respond angrily or do we take a step back when we feel anger rising? 

Of course, all of us make mistakes at times, including when we do or say something that we later wish we hadn’t.  Making mistakes is part of being human.  Rather, I’m referring to our usual ways of responding to people and situations.  If upon self-reflection we find that we habitually act in ways that we don’t want our children to imitate, it’s important to put effort into making changes.  That might include working with a therapist to better understand what underlies those negative tendencies.

Another way that children imitate adults is in seeing how we spend our time.  If we want our children to cooperate in doing household tasks, to not spend so much time looking at websites and playing electronic games, to do a certain amount of exercise to be healthy, to decrease the amount of processed food they eat, it’s essential that we also do those things.  Both because we love our children and want what is best for them, and also because we should love ourselves and want what is best for us.

It takes effort and dedication for us to keep in mind the influence each of us has.  Often we aren’t thinking about that as we go about whatever we’re doing.  It’s important that we want to model positive behaviors because it’s the right way to act for ourselves and also because we care about the children who observe what we say and do.

“I want to thank you, Lord, for life and all that’s in it.  Thank you for the day and for the hour, and the minute.”

We can never say thank you enough to our Creator.  Maya Angelou’s poem is yet another way that gratitude has been expressed to the Divine.  I say “another way” because numerous people who are known for their wisdom and integrity have emphasized in their writing and speaking the importance of being thankful.  I have quoted many of them in other posts I’ve written.

It can be easy to take things for granted as we go about our day and are focused on our various responsibilities.  And yet having people in our lives who love us and whom we love, being healthy, and having talents and abilities are just a few of the many blessings that we need to remind ourselves are gifts from our Creator and that having those gifts helps us every day.

Angelou’s poem is one way that she said thank you to our Creator.  That is something all of us should do each day—give thanks for our blessings, for guidance, for forgiveness, for our faith, and for so much more.

“When you learn, teach, when you get, give.”

This quote is by Maya Angelou who was a poet, writer, and civil rights activist and who lived from 1928 to 2014.

When I first read Angelou’s quote, I admired how she said so much with just a few words.  In fact, if each of us would endeavor to live in a way that reflects her words, we would add to what matters in our world and we would have an increased sense of purpose.

Her words “When you learn, teach” can refer to many types of teaching.  I think back to the numerous people who helped me to learn about various aspects of life when I was a child and teenager, and then later as a young adult living independently.  I think of my parents, grandparents, family friends—all of them played a part in my life.  Although they didn’t think of themselves as my teachers, I learned from what they said and did, by what they made possible for me, from their encouragement, and in many other ways.  For they were teaching me based on what they had learned from their experiences, including what people had taught them in the same ways.  And as a young adult, I also learned about aspects of life through interactions with employers and coworkers, friends, and others with whom I came into contact along the way.

I believe Angelou’s words also refer to a more direct type of teaching.  When we read to and with our children or grandchildren, for example, we help them to learn to read and we also give them the opportunity to develop a desire to read.  In addition, we give them the gift of sharing our time with them and showing that we care for them.  This is true when we do other activities together as well.

Angelou’s words “when you get, give” remind us to be generous—generous by assisting and sharing our time with others, as well as by giving material items or money, including to valuable causes.  Her words also remind me of Christ’s teachings about being generous.  “Freely you have received, freely give.”  Matthew 10:8.  There are many ways we can give to others.

It’s important that we recognize our ability to “pay it forward”—to pass on good deeds and experiences from which we have benefited to others as those opportunities arise.  We do this when we share both what we have learned and what we have received so that we can help to make other people’s lives better.

“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” 

This quote is by Winston Churchill.  Churchill was a British statesman, military officer, and writer who lived from 1874 to 1965.  He also served two terms as Prime Minister, the first one during World War II. 

I think many people would agree that it takes courage to stand up and speak.  This is true whether speaking at some type of public forum, at a work meeting, or for certain personal conversations.  This is especially true when we know that the people we will be speaking to might not agree with what we need to say.  And it requires even more courage when those people are people we care about and whose opinions and values usually align with ours, and that by speaking we risk straining or possibly losing their friendship.

The idea of sitting down and listening, on the other hand, most likely isn’t something that many of us would think of as requiring courage.  And yet, if we think about what is involved in genuine listening, it does.  It takes a certain amount of courage, for example, to be willing to recognize that we sometimes are set in our ways and when that’s the case we are not open to ideas we hadn’t considered previously.  And it takes courage to consider them.  That doesn’t mean we should automatically accept views that differ from ours, but rather to not reject them without putting some thought into them.

It also takes a certain amount of courage to listen to criticism and to be open to the possibility of making changes based on constructive criticism we receive. 

What matters is acknowledging the importance of listening and making an effort to try to understand where the other person is coming from.  We do this by giving them our full attention and, when needed, asking clarifying questions.  And we do this by being respectful and nonjudgmental.

Churchill’s words remind us that both our speaking as well as our ability to sincerely listen matter.  And that all of us should strive to do both well and, when necessary, to do them with courage.