Category: PersonalGrowth

“The things you do for yourself are gone when you are gone, but the things you do for others remain as your legacy.”

This quote is by Kalu Ndukwe Kalu, an American political scientist and author. 

People I think most highly of are those who prioritize doing things for others.  Many of them from the past are people whose words I have quoted in other posts:  Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King, Jr., Helen Keller, Mahatma Gandhi, and Abraham Lincoln are some of those people.  And I believe each of them also thought highly of people who did things for others and were influenced by them.

The emphasis on doing things for others does not apply only to people who are well known, of course.  It applies to each of us.

Many of the parables of Jesus in the New Testament have to do with helping others, and many religious traditions in addition to Christianity emphasize doing so. When we give of ourselves by assisting others, spending time with people who are often alone, doing activities with our children and grandchildren, and in numerous other ways, we are adding to that which is of value in our world.  Being empathic and nonjudgmental are also ways of helping others.  And when we volunteer with and/or contribute financially to nonprofit organizations whose mission is to assist and support people who need their services, we also help many people.

A recent example of people helping others were the efforts made by a great many women and men in U.S. cities to assist immigrants who were being mistreated by ICE agents.  Many of the agents ignored the legal rights that both documented and undocumented immigrants have in our country.  The agents caused injury, fear, and trauma to individuals and their families, friends, employers, and many others.  People joined in protests, volunteered to be on school grounds to protect children, brought groceries and other necessities to people fearful of being targeted (which included men and women who were citizens), did pro bono legal work, and in many others ways did what they could—at great risk to themselves—to help to protect those being harmed by ICE agents.  And it made a difference in the lives of many.

Kalu refers to our legacy.  Our legacy is the lasting impact we leave behind when our earthly journey ends.  How wonderful when we spend part of our journey doing what we’re able to do to make other people’s lives better.

“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.”

This quote is by Ralph Waldo Emerson, who was an American essayist, philosopher, minister, abolitionist, and poet who lived in the 1800s.

The emotion of anger is complex.  Some people get angry often, including for what most of us would consider overreactions to whatever they are angry about.  Many people have been hurt emotionally, psychologically, and/or physically by other people’s inability to control their words and actions when they are angry.  In my years working as a crisis line counselor, people called who were in relationships where there was domestic abuse.  Not only were the adults harmed but children in the household were also, whether directly or by seeing and hearing the abuse.  Another place where anger is commonly displayed is on the internet when some people spew out hateful and threatening words. These are examples of unhealthy anger.

There is also anger that we feel in response to unjust or mean treatment of others, sometimes referred to as righteous anger.  This is the type of anger that Jesus expressed when merchants were exploiting pilgrims in the temple rather than respecting it as the house of prayer, and also when the Pharisees prioritized following ritual rather than having concern about others, such as when they criticized Jesus for healing seriously ill people on the Sabbath.  Anger that is felt as a result of racial and other types of prejudice, innocent people being killed in unnecessary wars, and people being victims of crime are other forms of righteous anger.  Righteous anger is healthy anger.

Emerson’s words caught my attention because of the way they express what we lose when we’re angry—we lose time that can be spent in much better ways.  As he says, we lose time when instead we could be happy; I would add that when we’re angry we lose time when instead we could feel peaceful and caring.

I’m quite sure that Emerson would agree that anger is not an easy emotion to control for some people.  Often those people who take out their anger on others observed that behavior when they were children and it became a learned response.  Some studies show that there can be a genetic component for some people.  People who have difficulty controlling their anger are often helped by working with a counselor and/or attending group therapy or a support group.  Acknowledging that there is a problem and reaching out for help require courage, and thankfully those who learn to deal with their anger not only help themselves to have a higher quality of life but also help the people who care about them.

Healthy anger, on the other hand, has been the impetus for many causes whose purpose is to work toward educating others, providing support and resources for victims of anger, enacting laws, and in other ways helping people.  When the energy of concern-based anger is channeled in these positive ways, people’s lives are improved. 

Let’s remember Emerson’s words and do all we can to decrease unhealthy anger and increase happiness.

“You can’t let your failures define you. You have to let your failures teach you.”

This quote is by Barack Obama, the 44th President of the United States.  He served two terms as President and since then has continued to make a positive impact as a writer, speaker, philanthropist, and in other ways.

I have been re-reading Obama’s book A Promised Land, the first volume of which was published in 2020.  He writes about his early years through the first years of his presidency.  I respect Obama, for he is a man of integrity, intelligence, and concern for others, and has many other admirable qualities.  And, unlike many people, he is open to sharing what he considers to have been his failures.  In his book he writes about mistakes he made while campaigning for the presidency and as President.  So when he wrote the words I’ve quoted, he was speaking from his own experience.

Making mistakes and experiencing failure are part of being human.  When that happens, it can be difficult to go through.  And yet, fearing that we might make a mistake is very limiting.  If we hold back from trying to work toward personal goals or from supporting a cause we believe in or in other ways being constrained, we diminish our life experience.  As Obama says, we must not let failures define us but instead learn what those failures teach us and then move forward.  What we have learned will help us to take the next steps.

Each of us has the potential to add to that which is good and right in our world.  How we live each day can make a positive difference.  We must not let fear of making a mistake stop us from doing our part to add to what is of value in life, for ourselves as well as for others.

 “Spread the love of God through your life but only use words when necessary.”

This quotation by Mother Teresa encourages each of us to live in a way that spreads the love of God.  And by telling us to only use words when necessary, she emphasizes that it is through our actions that this happens.  For it’s one thing to talk about our intentions to do something, but it’s another thing to actually follow through on those good intentions.

I have chosen quotations of Mother Teresa’s for several posts since I started writing my blog a number of years ago, both because I respect how she lived her life and her faith and also because she expressed valuable truths with just a few words.  Through her work and that of the charitable organizations she founded, she certainly exemplified what she encourages us to do.

Mother Teresa often emphasized that our doing what might be considered “small” actions matters.  Helping someone, being patient, doing volunteer work for a worthy cause—these and many other endeavors make a positive difference and are some of the ways we can spread Divine love.  And during those times when we discern that we are called to do actions that require great effort, courage, and perseverance, it’s essential that we do our best to follow that calling as well.

Mother Teresa’s words remind me of the well-known expression “actions speak louder than words.”  That expression in itself is good to keep in mind.  But she also connects that reminder to the love of God.  For it is God, our Creator, who gives us the ability to do whatever worthwhile actions we do.  And also the One who guides us to choose the actions we are meant to do.  When we discern and do our best to follow that guidance, we do spread the love of God. 

“All people smile in the same language.”

This quote is by George Carlin, an American comedian, author, and social critic who lived from 1937 to 2008.  He was very creative and I’ve read that he wrote all of his own material.  In addition to being humorous and entertaining, his comedy routines were thought-provoking, enlightening, and at times profound.

I have a small plaque that I bought at an arts fair 30-some years ago that has the words “All people smile in the same language” written in calligraphy on in.  I just recently learned that those words are attributed to Carlin.  The artist from whom I bought the plaque also painted some small birds on it.  It’s one of my favorite pieces of artwork, both because it’s pretty and also because it’s a reminder that smiling is something people in all the regions of our world do.

There are many differences among the approximately 8.3 billion of us human beings who share this planet—different races, languages, worldviews, religious beliefs, abilities, gender identities, opinions, and others.  But one thing we have in common is smiling; it’s a universal way of expressing happiness and good will. 

Remembering this commonality leads me to also remember that all of us experience a variety of emotions.  In addition to feelings of happiness, we feel sadness, fear, anxiety, anger, and surprise.  And, although they might not be considered emotions per se, we also sometimes feel confused and sometimes hopeful.  Keeping this in mind can help us to be more accepting of and empathic toward others.  And it helps us to put less emphasis on our differences, especially when that emphasis leads to judgmental attitudes that are hurtful to others.

So as we go about our days, be mindful of our connection to people that a smile represents.  And appreciate the smiles you receive from others and the positive effects of the smiles that you give to others.

 “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”

This quote is by the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.  As one of the well-known leaders of the civil rights movement, he devoted a great deal of his time and energy working toward justice, equal treatment, and equal opportunities for all people.

Unjust actions and policies on a national and international level are the ones we most often hear about.  Those actions and policies have done a great deal of harm to countless people throughout history, including in the present.  These include injustices based on race, ethnicity, gender, age, and religious affiliation.  I’m thankful for the positive changes that have happened in many of these areas, but there is always more that needs to be done to stop the harm that many people must endure.

We don’t hear as much about injustices that individuals do to each other, which of course are also wrong.  Emotionally and physically abusive behavior and bullying are some of the harsher forms of injustice that occur on an individual level.  Being unfair, judging others, and even gossiping also fit within what Dr. King refers to as injustice anywhere.  When I say “even gossiping,” it’s because too many people don’t consider gossiping to be harmful.  On the contrary, people who are talked about negatively are definitely harmed.  Frequently people who gossip about others say things that they don’t know the full picture about and that often are not based on fact.  And many times people who have heard the gossip start avoiding the person spoken about or treating them negatively in other ways. 

Bullying, emotional abuse, unfairness, judging others, and gossip also happen far too often on the internet.  There is so much information on the internet that is fact-based and useful, but there is also much misinformation, disinformation, and content that has the purpose of hurting others.  I believe that these are also threats to justice, to use Dr. King’s words.

It’s essential for all of us to take care to question whether we are being unjust in any way, including by being unfair or judgmental.  It’s also important that we help our children and grandchildren by modeling fairness and acceptance.  In that way, we will help them to develop the virtues of being fair and just, leading to a better future for themselves and for the people with whom they interact.

“The best way to not feel hopeless is to get up and do something. Don’t wait for good things to happen to you. If you go out and make some good things happen, you will fill the world with hope, you will fill yourself with hope.”

This quote is by Barack Obama, who was President of the United States from 2009 to 2017. He continues to be involved in important work, including speaking about preserving our democracy, as well as being involved in philanthropy, writing, and making documentaries.  I consider him to have been one of the most effective Presidents during my lifetime.

This quotation resonates with me because of its emphasis on the importance of our endeavoring to add to that which is hopeful in our world.  When we’re feeling down, it can be hard to find the motivation to, as Obama says, “get up and do something”; it can be hard even to have an idea of what to do.  Asking for guidance through prayer and trying to listen to our inner voice can help.

Once we have an idea of what we might do to “go out and make some things happen,” as Obama says, we need to remember to not put unreasonable expectations on ourselves and to take things a step at a time.  Even those beginning steps can result in our feeling more vital and therefore more hopeful.

It can help us to have a sense of purpose by becoming involved in causes we believe in and by assisting others through various organizations such as food shelves, children’s tutoring programs, and other types of volunteering.  It’s easy to search online to learn about volunteer opportunities in the communities where we live.  I believe we can also decrease the tendency for feeling hopeless by the choices we make for how we spend our free time, such as by finding and pursuing personal interests that are meaningful to us, reading well written books, and spending time in nature, all of which can lift our spirits and thus help us to be more hopeful.

Another way we can help ourselves feel more hopeful is to limit the amount of news we read or watch.  It’s one thing to be adequately informed; it’s another to read about or watch repeated coverage of the same happenings.  This repetition tends to multiply the negative effects news has on us emotionally.  Therapists frequently recommend limiting exposure to news to their clients who struggle with depression and/or anxiety.

My hope is that all of us take Obama’s words to heart and find and pursue ways that add hope to our world.

“Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how’.”

This quote is by Viktor Frankl from his book Man’s Search for Meaning.  A few weeks ago I wrote a post based on another quotation from the same book. If you haven’t read Man’s Search for Meaning, I encourage you to do so.

I believe that keeping Frankl’s words in mind can help us through any difficulties we encounter.  And knowing that these are the words of a man who survived being in concentration camps for three years where there was not only the psychological burden of  being imprisoned, but also forced labor, minimal food or warmth, seeing others die, and being beaten by guards further supports that it is possible to persevere despite horrendous circumstances.

I think about people I know who have serious illnesses and who, even though recognizing that the treatments for the illnesses might not cure them, continue to do what is needed, including experiencing painful side effects.  I think about people who are grieving–missing loved ones who have passed away, feeling alone after a spouse or partner chose to leave them, or missing the job they liked that was ended because of downsizing.  I think of people who had hoped to fall in love and have a committed relationship but that hasn’t happened for them.  For all of them and for all of us, that something that keeps us striving is the “why” of living.  And the “why” of living certainly includes those aspects of each of our lives that give it meaning.

I find Frankl’s words helpful to recall for less “life changing” experiences as well.  When I’m feeling down, I remind myself that it’s human to have various feelings, and I also remind myself of those things that make my life meaningful.  Those reminders can help us often, such as when we’re feeling lonely or disappointed or are having a bout of illness.

Although our world has many bad and wrong things about it, including that which Frankl and numerous others experienced in concentration camps, I’m thankful for the many good and right things that also exist in our world.  They include the positive actions and words of many people, organizations that provide help to people, and ethical and just causes. The good and right things are what make up a large part of that which gives us our “why” to live.

“Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.”

This quote is by Helen Keller, a woman who, although becoming both deaf and blind when she was very young, learned to speak, read, and write and became a well-known author, presenter, and philanthropist.

Keller’s words emphasize the importance of having a sense of purpose.  In addition to it leading to true happiness, as she says, I would add that it also leads to a sense of peace and to a more meaningful life.  As I contemplate Keller’s words, I believe that what she calls true happiness refers to a genuine, deep happiness that is based on something of value, as compared to the more light-hearted happiness that we experience from time to time. 

Keller also stresses that self-gratification does not lead to true happiness.  Keller lived from 1880 to 1968 and therefore she wasn’t as surrounded by the media and advertising as we are today.  Many aspects of our culture, media, the internet, and advertising encourage us to prioritize obtaining items and having experiences that we want, suggesting that that is what causes us to be happy.  However, many people have found through personal experience that being able to have many material possessions may initially make them feel happy, but it is a transient happiness, not a true happiness. And they feel an emptiness as a result.  Thankfully, this experience helps many women and men to realize the importance of finding purpose in their lives.

There are many ways that we can experience a sense of purpose.  Some are by helping others by sharing our time and abilities with them; doing our best to be good parents and grandparents; and contributing financially to and/or volunteering at organizations that support valuable causes.

Having a sense of purpose is vital to living life well.  Trying to discern those things our Creator wants us to do and then trying our best to act upon what we discern lead us to those “worthy purposes” to which Keller refers.

“It is not the length of life, but the depth.” 

This quote is by Ralph Waldo Emerson.  Emerson was an American essayist, lecturer, philosopher, minister, abolitionist, and poet who lived in the 1800s.

There are many people who live long lives, often living many years beyond the average age of death in the part of the world where they live.  A lot of older people’s ability to do tasks and activities and to live independently continues well into their older years, and many have been blessed with good physical and mental health.  I am one of those fortunate people.

And yet, as Emerson says, it is the depth of our lives—how we live our lives—that matters more than the number of years we live.  When based on ethical principles and integrity, our priorities and our approach to life give our existence value.  When they include caring about others and not just ourselves, adding to that which is good and right in this world through our words and actions, being thankful for our blessings—these are the thoughts that come to mind when Emerson speaks of the depth of living.  Endeavoring to live in this way also leads to having a meaningful life. 

To live life deeply can be experienced in many ways:  in the way we treat others, by not judging others, by being generous with our time, talents, and abilities, and by putting effort into doing the things we are called to do.  Living in a meaningful way can and does take place for many people who act genuinely and with humility.  Acknowledging that all of our abilities and the positive opportunities that come our way are gifts from our Creator helps us to be humble—a quality that is essential to living deeply.

I encourage all of us to do those things that add depth to our lives.  It takes effort, but the effort is well worth it.