“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”
This quote is by James Baldwin, an American writer and civil rights activist who lived from 1924 to 1987. He was known for his essays, novels, plays, and poems.
If you’ve read some of my other posts, you know that I care deeply about nurturing children and being positive role models for them. Doing all we can to help children to have positive experiences in childhood and to become adults who add to what is good and right in our world is one of the most valuable accomplishments we can attain.
There are many influences on the development of children’s personalities, and a major one is their taking in what they see and hear around them. This leads to the imitation to which Baldwin refers, and it begins in very early childhood. And although in most cases the people that children see and hear most often are their parents, daycare providers, and teachers, they also are influenced by what other people they are around even occasionally do and say.
That’s why it’s essential that all of us be aware that this happens and do our best to model behaviors that will have positive effects on children. Are we respectful and courteous when we interact with others? That includes not only our family members and friends, but others with whom the children see us interact. Are we patient or impatient? Are we giving or selfish? Are we compassionate or uncaring? Do we respond angrily or do we take a step back when we feel anger rising?
Of course, all of us make mistakes at times, including when we do or say something that we later wish we hadn’t. Making mistakes is part of being human. Rather, I’m referring to our usual ways of responding to people and situations. If upon self-reflection we find that we habitually act in ways that we don’t want our children to imitate, it’s important to put effort into making changes. That might include working with a therapist to better understand what underlies those negative tendencies.
Another way that children imitate adults is in seeing how we spend our time. If we want our children to cooperate in doing household tasks, to not spend so much time looking at websites and playing electronic games, to do a certain amount of exercise to be healthy, to decrease the amount of processed food they eat, it’s essential that we also do those things. Both because we love our children and want what is best for them, and also because we should love ourselves and want what is best for us.
It takes effort and dedication for us to keep in mind the influence each of us has. Often we aren’t thinking about that as we go about whatever we’re doing. It’s important that we want to model positive behaviors because it’s the right way to act for ourselves and also because we care about the children who observe what we say and do.