“Learning to live with ambiguity is learning to live with how life really is, full of complexities and strange surprises.”
This quote is by James Hollis from his book What Matters Most: Living a More Considered Life. Dr. Hollis is a Jungian analyst, author, and speaker. He has written several books, all of which I highly recommend.
As is the case for many people, I struggle with ambiguity, even though I have lived long enough to know that, as Dr. Hollis says, ambiguity is “how life really is.” Part of the difficulty is that western culture emphasizes that answers to problems we encounter are clear and straightforward and that we can be in control of what happens in our lives. There is a sense of security and comfort in those ideas, but there are many times when that is not the case because life is not that simple. It’s only when we acknowledge the complexities of life that we will be better able to respond in an effective way to things that occur.
One of the unexpected happenings I’ve experienced is a family member choosing to estrange herself from me. I know from my work talking with people who call the crisis line and through reading I’ve done that estrangements are more common than I would have thought. But even so I would never have expected it to happen in my family. What added to the emotional hurt was not knowing the reason for the person’s decision to end any communication with me, and she would not talk with me about it. I acknowledge that I make mistakes, but I couldn’t think of anything I had said or done that could have resulted in her decision to end our relationship. After experiencing much sadness, self-questioning, wondering, and wishing it wasn’t happening, I needed to accept it as something not in my control to change and also that I would not be able to know the reasons for her decision. I had grieved the loss and needed to move on, and to be thankful for the people in my life with whom I have close relationships.
Thankfully, not all of the unexpected happenings in our lives are as emotionally hurtful as that was for me. Another experience about which I had various feelings and concerns was when I followed what I discerned to be a message from a dream I had that involved moving to the city where I live and work now. Having grown up in a small town, attended college in a small city, and then worked in a mid-size city for a few years, I felt some discomfort at the idea of living in a large city. I had that dream and moved to where I presently live 26 years ago, and much that is positive in my life has resulted from my living here. I’m thankful I followed the dream direction.
As Dr. Hollis says, we need to learn to live with ambiguity in the various situations where it arises. Rather than deceive ourselves that ambiguity is not part of life, we can remind ourselves that life’s unexpected occurrences are a natural part of our journey and they can result in changes that make our lives more meaningful. They provide opportunities to develop qualities such as courage, patience, perseverance, creative problem solving, and empathy. And at times they bring us unexpected joy.
We will all gain by being more open to life’s complexities and surprises and to the emotions they cause us to feel. In this way we will live more genuine and grounded lives.