“Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.”
This quote by the Dalai Lama reminds us of the importance of safeguarding our sense of peace by being aware that what other people do and say affects us. This applies to the behavior of people we know, such as a family member unjustifiably criticizing us or a coworker telling another coworker something that isn’t true about us, as well as to the actions of people we don’t know, such as when we read about others being treated unjustly.
In my experience and in those of others who have shared their experiences with me, it can be difficult to not let the behavior of others destroy–or at least temporarily disrupt–our inner peace. And yet it’s essential to our wellbeing that we follow the Dalai Lama’s wise counsel.
Some approaches that I have found to be helpful are self-reminders and “distraction” coping techniques. If I’ve been unfairly criticized or hurt in other ways, I remind myself that what has been said or done is unwarranted, that the person who behaved in that way has problems, and that I must do my best to not let their problems take away positive energy from me. When I read or hear about wrongdoings done to other people, I naturally feel sadness that such things happen and then I try to focus on the many good things that people do in our world every day. Some distraction coping techniques are doing physical exercises, taking a walk, reading, doing housework–any activity that helps us to focus on something other than the disturbing behavior. An additional benefit of distraction techniques is that not only are we not giving energy to the negativity of what has been said or done, we are also doing things that are good for us and that give us a sense of accomplishment.
It’s natural to feel righteous anger when we read or hear about hurtful acts, righteous anger meaning the anger we feel because we care about others and because we want people to act morally. And, even though it’s emotionally healthy to safeguard our inner peace, that doesn’t mean we don’t have empathy for others who have been mistreated. When possible, we should do what we can to help those who have been wronged.
Having inner peace is a gift from our Creator. As with all blessings we’ve been given, it’s not something we’ve earned or deserve. It’s a gift that helps us to follow the life path we have been created to follow.