Author: Susan Schulte

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Reading to Children Is a Precious Gift

“Reading should not be presented to children as a chore or duty.  It should be offered to them as a precious gift.”

This quote is by Kate DeCamillo who has written many children’s books and who has received a number of awards for her writing, including two Newbery Medals.

Reading truly is a precious gift, and is a gift that can be–and ideally should be–given to children starting when they are very young.  When we read to children, we give them the gift of learning about our world, from basic information such as colors, numbers, and aspects of nature—the animals, the sky and sun, trees and flowers–to more subjective aspects of life, such as the ways people help each other, how children make friends and play together, and how parents treat their children and each other with love.  Reading and looking at illustrations present to children stories with themes of adventure, sharing, discovery, affection, trust, and many other topics.  Children being read to by others and reading books on their own when they’re older contributes to their creativity and intellectual development and improves their ability to express themselves.

Another important reason for reading to children is that it is an opportunity to spend time together, time that makes them feel valued.

Children who are read to starting at a young age experience that reading is a natural part of each day, which often leads to their continuing to enjoy and benefit from reading as adolescents and adults.  I read to my daughter starting when she was a baby and throughout her childhood.  And now when I visit my grandson, my daughter’s little boy, I spend part of my visit reading to him.  I’m continually impressed by the creativity and talent of the authors and the illustrators of children’s literature, and reading to my grandson is a special time of togetherness for him and for me, just as it was for my daughter and me when she was a child.

I encourage you to give the gift of reading to the children in your life.

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Helpful Messages from Within

I had a dream recently that shows how dreams address issues that are occurring in the present with the intention of adding to our consciousness and through that helping us to better approach those issues.  It’s also a dream whose messages seemed clearer to me than those of other dreams I’ve had, messages presented by the dream’s symbolic imagery and actions.  Here is my dream:

I’m driving my car and I realize my brakes are no longer working.  Thankfully, I’m driving slowly and I’m able to park the car against a curb.  Just before I make a call to have my car towed to where I usually have it serviced, I see there’s an auto repair shop right near where I happened to park.  I go into the repair shop and approach a man and a woman who are standing behind a counter.  As I begin telling them the situation and asking whether they can fix the brakes, the man looks at the woman, who is younger than he is, and tells her to tell me how long she has worked there.  It turns out she is his daughter and is also a mechanic, and it’s as if he wants me to ask her about doing the job instead of asking him, perhaps so that I’m reassured of her ability to make the repairs.  I woke up at that point.

I had this dream at a time when I was feeling some anxiety about some changes at my job.  I found myself thinking about scenarios that might happen as a result of those changes, including my being so busy I’d have difficulty keeping up with the work.  When I found myself doing this, I would remind myself that my concerns about the changes might not have a basis, that I would need to see how things went and then address any problems, and that I should make an effort to focus on what was happening in the present.  I would do that but before long the concerning thoughts would return.

Dreams often have layers of meaning.  At one level, I think the symbolism of the brakes not working might have been the dream’s message to me that I needed to “put the brakes on” my negative and somewhat obsessive thinking.  We can’t control the thoughts that come to us, but we can decide how to deal with them in a healthy way.  And I have to admit that, even though I would remind myself to focus on something that mattered, I would sometimes not make an effort to do that right away.  So I believe a related message of this dream was that I should make a more sincere effort to stop wasting time and energy on the thoughts, and by doing that I would be taking care of myself emotionally.

Another significant part of the dream is that, without at first being aware of it, I had parked my car next to an auto repair shop where there were mechanics who would be able to repair the brakes.  I believe this is a reminder that help is always available to me, help from within.  We can think of that help as being from our psyches, to put it in psychological terms, and/or from our Creator, to put it in religious or spiritual terms.  Another meaningful aspect of the dream was the presence of and emphasis on the female mechanic.  She symbolizes the inner feminine, a supportive inner presence.  I also think the fact that she is a young adult might be a reminder to me to be open to looking at things in a different way from how I usually do, to consider “new” approaches instead of repeating old patterns.

According to Jungian psychological theory, dreams are one way unconscious contents are able to be integrated into consciousness.  Even when symbols and the actions in dreams are more difficult to discern than those of this dream, dreams have a purpose for each of us.  This dream helped me to recognize the importance of taking care of myself by not dwelling on “what if” thinking and was a reminder of the inner help from a source that cares about my wellbeing.  It helped me to be reminded of that.

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Learning to Live with Ambiguity 

“Learning to live with ambiguity is learning to live with how life really is, full of complexities and strange surprises.”

This quote is by James Hollis from his book What Matters Most:  Living a More Considered Life.  Dr. Hollis is a Jungian analyst, author, and speaker.  He has written several books, all of which I highly recommend.

As is the case for many people, I struggle with ambiguity, even though I have lived long enough to know that, as Dr. Hollis says, ambiguity is “how life really is.”  Part of the difficulty is that western culture emphasizes that answers to problems we encounter are clear and straightforward and that we can be in control of what happens in our lives.  There is a sense of security and comfort in those ideas, but there are many times when that is not the case because life is not that simple.  It’s only when we acknowledge the complexities of life that we will be better able to respond in an effective way to things that occur.

One of the unexpected happenings I’ve experienced is a family member choosing to estrange herself from me.  I know from my work talking with people who call the crisis line and through reading I’ve done that estrangements are more common than I would have thought.  But even so I would never have expected it to happen in my family.  What added to the emotional hurt was not knowing the reason for the person’s decision to end any communication with me, and she would not talk with me about it.  I acknowledge that I make mistakes, but I couldn’t think of anything I had said or done that could have resulted in her decision to end our relationship.  After experiencing much sadness, self-questioning, wondering, and wishing it wasn’t happening, I needed to accept it as something not in my control to change and also that I would not be able to know the reasons for her decision.  I had grieved the loss and needed to move on, and to be thankful for the people in my life with whom I have close relationships.

Thankfully, not all of the unexpected happenings in our lives are as emotionally hurtful as that was for me.  Another experience about which I had various feelings and concerns was when I followed what I discerned to be a message from a dream I had that involved moving to the city where I live and work now.  Having grown up in a small town, attended college in a small city, and then worked in a mid-size city for a few years, I felt some discomfort at the idea of living in a large city.  I had that dream and moved to where I presently live 26 years ago, and much that is positive in my life has resulted from my living here.  I’m thankful I followed the dream direction.

As Dr. Hollis says, we need to learn to live with ambiguity in the various situations where it arises.  Rather than deceive ourselves that ambiguity is not part of life, we can remind ourselves that life’s unexpected occurrences are a natural part of our journey and they can result in changes that make our lives more meaningful.  They provide opportunities to develop qualities such as courage, patience, perseverance, creative problem solving, and empathy.  And at times they bring us unexpected joy.

We will all gain by being more open to life’s complexities and surprises and to the emotions they cause us to feel.  In this way we will live more genuine and grounded lives.

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The Golden Rule

“Do unto Others as You Would Have Them Do unto You.”

These well-known words were spoken by Jesus and appear in the Christian Bible at Luke 6:31.  They are one of the many teachings that Jesus gave during his time on earth.  His message is clear and it seems as if it shouldn’t be hard to follow, but for many of us it is.  Or at least easier to follow in our interactions with some people and more difficult in our interactions with others.  When this quote came to mind recently, I thought of the ways I want to be treated by others.

I want to be treated with respect.  We should treat all people with respect.  To do that, we need to be watchful of our tendency to consider ourselves better than others.  If someone says or does something that decreases our respect for them, we need to be open to the possibility that that person may change.  There are situations when it is the right decision for us to no longer spend time with persons whose words and/or actions conflict with our values.  But being respectful is always the correct starting point with each person we meet.

I want to be given the benefit of the doubt.  We should approach others as being honest and trustworthy until they do or say something that shows they are not.  If that happens, we need to remember that people make mistakes, including ourselves.  When people learn from their mistakes, they grow in self-knowledge which helps them to approach future situations.

I want people to not judge me.  We are less apt to be judgmental if we remember we never know everything about other people’s lives: what behaviors were modeled for them when they were children and adolescents, whether they grew up with parents/guardians who were capable of loving them, whether they experienced or observed something that traumatized them sometime during their lives, and the other ways they have been affected by people and occurrences and even by their genetic makeup.  It’s also important when we have judgmental thoughts about others to consider to what extent psychological projection might be happening—whether that which we attribute to another person might be a reflection of something about ourselves of which we are not conscious.  And then to grow in consciousness by integrating what we’ve learned about ourselves.

There are many other qualities that I value, including wanting people to treat me with patience, kindness, and generosity.

What matters is that we try to approach each other in accepting ways, looking for the good in each person.  What matters is that in our day-to-day encounters, our trying to follow the Golden Rule would certainly add much to what is positive in our world.

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Accepting the Life Waiting for Us

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”

This quote is by Joseph Campbell, an American writer and professor of literature whose best-known book is The Hero with a Thousand Faces.

When I first read this quote, I thought of how it could refer to a person’s choice of career.  We might decide to attend college, a technical school, or some other post-high school program, or to instead apply for a job right out of high school.  It’s also fairly common to change jobs or to return to school to prepare for a different profession.  Whatever work we do makes up a large part of how we spend our time and becomes part of our identity.  And yet our occupation is only one of the many aspects of our lives for which we plan.

Campbell’s words are an observation that planning and making decisions from just an ego perspective are limiting, for there are many other influences that affect who we are and what we do.  We are affected by unforeseen occurrences, by the many people with whom we come into contact, by the way other people treat us, by the books and articles we read, by our unconscious phenomena such as projection and complexes, and in many other ways.

I believe that Campbell’s words about the life “that is waiting for us” refer to following our individual path, or trying our best to do so, by endeavoring to discern that which our inner wisdom conveys to us though our dreams, synchronicities, intuition, and unexpected happenings.  Following our path in major decisions, such as those having to do with our relationships and our career, as well as in smaller day-to-day decisions.  It also means drawing upon the courage and perseverance given to us to deal with challenges that arise, as well as experiencing the joyful times we are given.  These are all aspects of the life waiting for us when we take steps toward becoming the unique individuals we were created to be.

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Being Faithful in Small Things

“Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.”

This quote by Mother Teresa helps me to remember that every effort we make toward the good matters.  Those efforts include helping others; endeavoring to be genuine, honest, and ethical; caring about the health of our earth; and trying to discern and follow our inner wisdom.

An example of where it has helped me to remember that seemingly small things matter is in my work as a crisis line counselor.  At times I feel somewhat disheartened because I want to assist the person who has called but I feel limited in what I’m able to do.  They might be struggling with depression and/or anxiety, relationship problems, perhaps loneliness.  Even though I know it would be arrogant of me to think I could make a big difference in their lives, I find myself wanting to lift the burden that is weighing them down.  Instead, I do the things that I can do:  I listen attentively, I try to have empathy and to be nonjudgmental, and I respond in a way that shows I care.  When it fits the situation and the caller seems open to it, I tell her or him about coping techniques that have helped others, self-care approaches that often help in the moment.  I know from personal experience and from what many callers have told me that these approaches are helpful, that they are “small things” that make a difference.

We need to keep in mind that what seem like small things can add much that is of value in all of our interactions with other people—people we know well, such as family members, friends, and coworkers, as well as people we don’t know.  Mother Teresa often expressed in her speaking and writing that whatever a person does with positive intentions adds to that which is positive in our world.  Through our words and our actions, we can all be a part of making our world a better place.

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Learn from Yesterday, Live for Today, Hope for Tomorrow

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.”

This quote is by physicist Albert Einstein, who is well known for his many discoveries in physics and related fields.

Learn from yesterday:  Learning takes place throughout our lives and in many ways.  From an early age, we learn by hearing what other people say; observing people’s facial expressions, gestures, and actions; interacting with others; and taking in our surroundings.  And there is the more formal learning of attending school.  We also learn by reading, not just academic reading but all genres.  All that we learn becomes a part of who we are, influencing the decisions we make on a daily basis.  The words “learn from yesterday” also remind me that we learn from mistakes we make and of how important it is to not be afraid to make mistakes, for that learning helps us too.

Live for today:  Often we have a tendency to dwell on the past or to think about the future, looking forward to things we have planned or outcomes we hope will happen.  It’s natural to sometimes think about the past and the future, but it matters very much to live in the present moment and to make the most of doing that.  Being present with those we love, focusing on the task at hand, and appreciating the positive aspects of each day.

Hope for tomorrow:  Being hopeful helps us to live a more meaningful life.  Staying hopeful is challenging at times, especially when we or someone we love is experiencing difficulty, when we are grieving, or when we think about some of the problems in our world.  And yet we need to remember that many positive, uplifting, and healing things occur every day in our world as well.  And we can do our best to do our part to add to that which is positive and hopeful.

Our Creator gives us the ability to learn from yesterday, to live for today, and to hope for tomorrow.  By trying to discern what our inner wisdom guides us to do and then trying to live according to that wisdom, we are able to do each in a more meaningful way.

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Being Kind

 

“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”  -The Dalai Lama

It truly is always possible to be kind.  For kindness can be shown in many ways and in many circumstances.  Some ways I was treated with kindness today were coworkers greeting me with a smile, someone I don’t know holding a door open for me, a coworker patiently answering a question I had about a work procedure, and a person who was waiting for the same bus as I was gesturing for me to go ahead of her.  Those are the actions that I remember; I’m sure there were others as well.  And each one added a little brightness to my day.  They are some of the many ways we show kindness to one another on a daily basis.

In addition to my being a recipient of kindness today, I read about situations where people’s kindness is making a significant difference in other people’s lives.  I read an article describing a pro bono project where some lawyers are providing legal expertise and completing the procedures and paperwork needed to help people leave countries where they are in hiding until it is safe to leave.  The article also told about lawyers who are representing people who have been falsely charged with crimes and are in prison.  By volunteering to investigate the facts of cases, the lawyers are working to prove that the people did not commit the crimes so that they may be free again.  Another article I read was about people who volunteer at a food shelf to help the many people who depend on it to have sufficient food for themselves and their children.  These are just a few examples of worthy causes where people are showing kindness toward others by choosing to assist in the ways they are able to.

Whether in relatively small ways, such as those I experienced today, or in larger ways, such as by volunteering time and energy toward valuable causes, each of us can and does show kindness.  For being kind is always possible, one way or another.

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Life’s Unexpected Gifts

The other day in the early morning, I was going up the outside steps to the entrance of the building where I live when I saw two deer walking along a nearby nature trail.  I watched them for a couple of minutes, and just as I was about to take another step toward the door, another deer came along the path.  And a few seconds after that, a fourth deer appeared.  I again took in the scene for a few minutes before entering the building.

Life gives us unexpected gifts.  Seeing the deer was one of those gifts.  I usually see two or three deer a year, which is also special each time I see one, but to see four in the space of a few minutes was a first for me.  I felt peaceful seeing them in the quiet morning and also seeing the tall grasses and the lake behind them which added to the peaceful scene.  Many of us, including me, have busy lives.  In a way, this occurrence gave me a few minutes to have a break from being busy.  It also served as a connection to nature which adds to our physical and emotional wellbeing.

In addition, my seeing this scene is an example of a synchronicity—a meaningful acausal experience.  Deer are in the traditional stories and mythologies of people around the world, for they live on almost every continent.  Some of the aspects they symbolize are compassion, gentleness, vulnerability, awakening, and blessings.  If a deer would be in a dream I had, I would ponder these symbolic qualities to try to discern the dream’s message for me.  We can do the same with synchronicities.  In fact, the entire incident had a dreamlike quality to it.

Becoming more compassionate and gentle people would make our world a better place for all of us.  Being aware of our vulnerabilities adds to our self-knowledge and enables us to better approach certain situations.  When I think of awakening, I think of spiritual awakening and growing in faith.  And acknowledging our blessings from our Creator and being thankful for them are part of living in faith.

Try to notice such unexpected gifts and their possible messages.  It is another way to live a more meaningful life.

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Infinite Hope

“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.”

This quote is by Martin Luther King, Jr.  His words reflect the way he lived his calling as a pastor and as a leader in the civil rights movement during the 1950s and 1960s.  He and many other people who are less well known than he is gave of themselves in order to change the oppressive and unjust status quo and thereby to improve the lives of others.  Despite their nonviolent approach to bringing attention to the numerous wrongs that were being perpetrated, they were often treated with violence and imprisoned.  And yet, despite the setbacks, they did not give up.  They accepted the finite disappointments, and they held onto infinite hope as they continued to make their voices heard.

When I think of finite disappointments, I think of things not turning out the way we want them to.  It is especially disheartening when that which we want to happen seems so right, a change for the better.  When we experience these disappointments, we need to endeavor to discern whether to try again or perhaps to try a different approach toward pursuing our objectives.  In some cases, something not working out as we hoped can be a sign that it’s time to reassess whether that is the direction we should be taking.  Making an effort to discern what our inner wisdom is telling us is essential to determining what our next steps should be.

When I think of infinite hope, I think of a hope that is based on faith; a hope that is present despite whatever else is happening in our lives, including the more challenging and difficult times.  It is the hope that is present during the darker times as well as during the more joyful times.  Infinite hope also involves embracing the truth that only the Creator sees the full picture, and therefore there will be times when we won’t be able to have answers to why something did or did not happen as we wanted it to.

Infinite hope is a gift from our Creator that makes it possible for us to persevere.