Author: Susan Schulte

“Everything can be taken from a man [person] but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

This quote is by Viktor Frankl who was an Austrian psychiatrist, neurologist, philosopher, and writer who lived from 1905 to 1997.  During World War II he was imprisoned in Nazi concentration camps.  He survived, and in 1946 he published his book Man’s Search for Meaning, in which he wrote about his experiences and the effects those experiences had on his approach to life.  He also developed a method of psychotherapy that he called logotherapy.  Logotherapy is based on the tenets that people have an innate desire to have free will and to find meaning in their lives.

I have great respect for Frankl.  He not only persevered and survived the horrific treatment of being in concentration camps, he also learned after the war ended that his wife and father died in other concentration camps and that his mother and brother were murdered by the Nazis.  To go through such loss and hardship and to have the inner strength to continue on are awe-inspiring.

When Frankl speaks of the human freedom to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, I think about how challenging that can be.  Even in far less serious situations, it can be difficult to choose our attitude and maintain it although we know it is what we should do. It certainly takes strength of purpose and perseverance and in certain situations it requires us to have courage.  Yet knowing that it is possible to do so, such as by reading Man’s Search for Meaning, can help us. 

One of my prayers is to ask our Creator to help me to keep things in perspective, to catch myself when I think too much about something that isn’t that important, and to remind myself to focus on the things that really matter.  In other words, to choose the attitude our Creator wants me to choose and to try my best to maintain that attitude.

In thinking about choosing our attitude, I’m reminded of the importance of trying to hear our inner voice.  Endeavoring to follow its guidance is what gives us the ability to choose our own way, to use Frankl’s words.  Because when we try to discern and to follow the messages from our inner voice, we can be sure we are following our own way.

“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”

This quote is by James Baldwin, an American writer and civil rights activist who lived from 1924 to 1987.  He was known for his essays, novels, plays, and poems.

If you’ve read some of my other posts, you know that I care deeply about nurturing children and being positive role models for them.  Doing all we can to help children to have positive experiences in childhood and to become adults who add to what is good and right in our world is one of the most valuable accomplishments we can attain.

There are many influences on the development of children’s personalities, and a major one is their taking in what they see and hear around them.  This leads to the imitation to which Baldwin refers, and it begins in very early childhood.  And although in most cases the people that children see and hear most often are their parents, daycare providers, and teachers, they also are influenced by what other people they are around even occasionally do and say.

That’s why it’s essential that all of us be aware that this happens and do our best to model behaviors that will have positive effects on children.  Are we respectful and courteous when we interact with others?  That includes not only our family members and friends, but others with whom the children see us interact.  Are we patient or impatient?  Are we giving or selfish?  Are we compassionate or uncaring?  Do we respond angrily or do we take a step back when we feel anger rising? 

Of course, all of us make mistakes at times, including when we do or say something that we later wish we hadn’t.  Making mistakes is part of being human.  Rather, I’m referring to our usual ways of responding to people and situations.  If upon self-reflection we find that we habitually act in ways that we don’t want our children to imitate, it’s important to put effort into making changes.  That might include working with a therapist to better understand what underlies those negative tendencies.

Another way that children imitate adults is in seeing how we spend our time.  If we want our children to cooperate in doing household tasks, to not spend so much time looking at websites and playing electronic games, to do a certain amount of exercise to be healthy, to decrease the amount of processed food they eat, it’s essential that we also do those things.  Both because we love our children and want what is best for them, and also because we should love ourselves and want what is best for us.

It takes effort and dedication for us to keep in mind the influence each of us has.  Often we aren’t thinking about that as we go about whatever we’re doing.  It’s important that we want to model positive behaviors because it’s the right way to act for ourselves and also because we care about the children who observe what we say and do.

“I want to thank you, Lord, for life and all that’s in it.  Thank you for the day and for the hour, and the minute.”

We can never say thank you enough to our Creator.  Maya Angelou’s poem is yet another way that gratitude has been expressed to the Divine.  I say “another way” because numerous people who are known for their wisdom and integrity have emphasized in their writing and speaking the importance of being thankful.  I have quoted many of them in other posts I’ve written.

It can be easy to take things for granted as we go about our day and are focused on our various responsibilities.  And yet having people in our lives who love us and whom we love, being healthy, and having talents and abilities are just a few of the many blessings that we need to remind ourselves are gifts from our Creator and that having those gifts helps us every day.

Angelou’s poem is one way that she said thank you to our Creator.  That is something all of us should do each day—give thanks for our blessings, for guidance, for forgiveness, for our faith, and for so much more.

“When you learn, teach, when you get, give.”

This quote is by Maya Angelou who was a poet, writer, and civil rights activist and who lived from 1928 to 2014.

When I first read Angelou’s quote, I admired how she said so much with just a few words.  In fact, if each of us would endeavor to live in a way that reflects her words, we would add to what matters in our world and we would have an increased sense of purpose.

Her words “When you learn, teach” can refer to many types of teaching.  I think back to the numerous people who helped me to learn about various aspects of life when I was a child and teenager, and then later as a young adult living independently.  I think of my parents, grandparents, family friends—all of them played a part in my life.  Although they didn’t think of themselves as my teachers, I learned from what they said and did, by what they made possible for me, from their encouragement, and in many other ways.  For they were teaching me based on what they had learned from their experiences, including what people had taught them in the same ways.  And as a young adult, I also learned about aspects of life through interactions with employers and coworkers, friends, and others with whom I came into contact along the way.

I believe Angelou’s words also refer to a more direct type of teaching.  When we read to and with our children or grandchildren, for example, we help them to learn to read and we also give them the opportunity to develop a desire to read.  In addition, we give them the gift of sharing our time with them and showing that we care for them.  This is true when we do other activities together as well.

Angelou’s words “when you get, give” remind us to be generous—generous by assisting and sharing our time with others, as well as by giving material items or money, including to valuable causes.  Her words also remind me of Christ’s teachings about being generous.  “Freely you have received, freely give.”  Matthew 10:8.  There are many ways we can give to others.

It’s important that we recognize our ability to “pay it forward”—to pass on good deeds and experiences from which we have benefited to others as those opportunities arise.  We do this when we share both what we have learned and what we have received so that we can help to make other people’s lives better.

“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” 

This quote is by Winston Churchill.  Churchill was a British statesman, military officer, and writer who lived from 1874 to 1965.  He also served two terms as Prime Minister, the first one during World War II. 

I think many people would agree that it takes courage to stand up and speak.  This is true whether speaking at some type of public forum, at a work meeting, or for certain personal conversations.  This is especially true when we know that the people we will be speaking to might not agree with what we need to say.  And it requires even more courage when those people are people we care about and whose opinions and values usually align with ours, and that by speaking we risk straining or possibly losing their friendship.

The idea of sitting down and listening, on the other hand, most likely isn’t something that many of us would think of as requiring courage.  And yet, if we think about what is involved in genuine listening, it does.  It takes a certain amount of courage, for example, to be willing to recognize that we sometimes are set in our ways and when that’s the case we are not open to ideas we hadn’t considered previously.  And it takes courage to consider them.  That doesn’t mean we should automatically accept views that differ from ours, but rather to not reject them without putting some thought into them.

It also takes a certain amount of courage to listen to criticism and to be open to the possibility of making changes based on constructive criticism we receive. 

What matters is acknowledging the importance of listening and making an effort to try to understand where the other person is coming from.  We do this by giving them our full attention and, when needed, asking clarifying questions.  And we do this by being respectful and nonjudgmental.

Churchill’s words remind us that both our speaking as well as our ability to sincerely listen matter.  And that all of us should strive to do both well and, when necessary, to do them with courage.

“The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens, nature and God.” 

This quotation is attributed to Anne Frank, who, along with her family and others, went into hiding during World War II because they were Jewish and Hitler’s Nazis were imprisoning Jewish people.  After being in hiding from 1942 to 1944, they were discovered and transported to concentration camps.  Anne was only 15 years old when she became ill and died.  Her father was the only one in her family who survived, and when he returned to where they had lived, he discovered her diary.  Through his endeavors, Anne’s diary was published with the title The Diary of a Young Girl, which included the above quote.

Anne’s words show a wisdom not expected of someone as young as she was when she wrote them.  To have this insight at such a young age and while going through what she and her family and many other women, men, and children did under Hitler’s and the Nazis’ reign of terror is inspiring.

As with some of the other quotes that I’ve chosen to write about, this one again reminds us of the healing aspect of being in nature, of the beauty of the heavens, and of the importance of our relationship with the Divine. 

As I and many others have written about, noticing nature around us adds to our sense of wellbeing.  Whether we have the opportunity to spend time at a national park and see its majestic scenery or have a few minutes to look out our window at a sunset or notice the trees along the city sidewalk as we walk along, these are all ways of connecting with nature.  This connection is helpful every day and, as Anne Frank says, it is especially helpful when we’re experiencing difficulties.

And during difficult times it is vital to remember that our Creator is always with us.  Remembering this will help us no matter what we’re experiencing.

The Gift of Listening to Others

“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.”

This quote is by Ralph G. Nichols, who was an American author and communications expert who lived from 1916 to 2006.

Being a good listener is an excellent quality to have.  Giving our full attention to people talking to us, making eye contact, and not interrupting leads to our better understanding what they are sharing with us.  It also shows that we are interested in what they are telling us and that we value them.

In my experience as a crisis line counselor, giving my full attention to those who have called has been essential to trying to assist them.  In fact, many times the person calling would tell me that just being able to talk about what they were experiencing with someone who listened was helpful in itself.  This reflects Nichols’ words that being understood is a basic human need.  And that’s even more the case when a person is struggling emotionally.

Acquiring active listening skills is an essential part of counseling training.  In addition to giving our full attention and not interrupting, it includes reflecting back from time to time what a person has said and asking clarifying questions.  All of us can learn to do these helpful approaches that let people know we are listening and understanding what they are telling us.

Many of us need to improve our ability to listen. Too often when someone is talking to someone else, that person checks their phone or is easily distracted in other ways, is forming an answer instead of focusing on what the person is saying, or talks about an experience they had, as if they were waiting for the other person to finish so they could talk.  All of these actions lead to the person not feeling understood.

Recently I read an article about a high school where students were not allowed to look at their cell phones during classes, but they could during lunch break.  Some students started a challenge whose purpose was that students would choose to interact with each other rather than texting, playing games, etc., on their phones.  There was a better than expected response.  Some of the students interviewed said how much they were enjoying having conversations with each other by choosing not to view their phones.  This also reflects Nichols’ words about the basic need of being understood.  And it brings to mind for me how students conversing and enjoying each other’s company can decrease the loneliness that some young people feel.

I encourage all of us to notice how well we are listening when others are talking to us.  And to remember Nichols’ words about the human need to understand and to be understood.