Author: Susan Schulte

“When you learn, teach, when you get, give.”

This quote is by Maya Angelou who was a poet, writer, and civil rights activist and who lived from 1928 to 2014.

When I first read Angelou’s quote, I admired how she said so much with just a few words.  In fact, if each of us would endeavor to live in a way that reflects her words, we would add to what matters in our world and we would have an increased sense of purpose.

Her words “When you learn, teach” can refer to many types of teaching.  I think back to the numerous people who helped me to learn about various aspects of life when I was a child and teenager, and then later as a young adult living independently.  I think of my parents, grandparents, family friends—all of them played a part in my life.  Although they didn’t think of themselves as my teachers, I learned from what they said and did, by what they made possible for me, from their encouragement, and in many other ways.  For they were teaching me based on what they had learned from their experiences, including what people had taught them in the same ways.  And as a young adult, I also learned about aspects of life through interactions with employers and coworkers, friends, and others with whom I came into contact along the way.

I believe Angelou’s words also refer to a more direct type of teaching.  When we read to and with our children or grandchildren, for example, we help them to learn to read and we also give them the opportunity to develop a desire to read.  In addition, we give them the gift of sharing our time with them and showing that we care for them.  This is true when we do other activities together as well.

Angelou’s words “when you get, give” remind us to be generous—generous by assisting and sharing our time with others, as well as by giving material items or money, including to valuable causes.  Her words also remind me of Christ’s teachings about being generous.  “Freely you have received, freely give.”  Matthew 10:8.  There are many ways we can give to others.

It’s important that we recognize our ability to “pay it forward”—to pass on good deeds and experiences from which we have benefited to others as those opportunities arise.  We do this when we share both what we have learned and what we have received so that we can help to make other people’s lives better.

“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” 

This quote is by Winston Churchill.  Churchill was a British statesman, military officer, and writer who lived from 1874 to 1965.  He also served two terms as Prime Minister, the first one during World War II. 

I think many people would agree that it takes courage to stand up and speak.  This is true whether speaking at some type of public forum, at a work meeting, or for certain personal conversations.  This is especially true when we know that the people we will be speaking to might not agree with what we need to say.  And it requires even more courage when those people are people we care about and whose opinions and values usually align with ours, and that by speaking we risk straining or possibly losing their friendship.

The idea of sitting down and listening, on the other hand, most likely isn’t something that many of us would think of as requiring courage.  And yet, if we think about what is involved in genuine listening, it does.  It takes a certain amount of courage, for example, to be willing to recognize that we sometimes are set in our ways and when that’s the case we are not open to ideas we hadn’t considered previously.  And it takes courage to consider them.  That doesn’t mean we should automatically accept views that differ from ours, but rather to not reject them without putting some thought into them.

It also takes a certain amount of courage to listen to criticism and to be open to the possibility of making changes based on constructive criticism we receive. 

What matters is acknowledging the importance of listening and making an effort to try to understand where the other person is coming from.  We do this by giving them our full attention and, when needed, asking clarifying questions.  And we do this by being respectful and nonjudgmental.

Churchill’s words remind us that both our speaking as well as our ability to sincerely listen matter.  And that all of us should strive to do both well and, when necessary, to do them with courage.

“The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens, nature and God.” 

This quotation is attributed to Anne Frank, who, along with her family and others, went into hiding during World War II because they were Jewish and Hitler’s Nazis were imprisoning Jewish people.  After being in hiding from 1942 to 1944, they were discovered and transported to concentration camps.  Anne was only 15 years old when she became ill and died.  Her father was the only one in her family who survived, and when he returned to where they had lived, he discovered her diary.  Through his endeavors, Anne’s diary was published with the title The Diary of a Young Girl, which included the above quote.

Anne’s words show a wisdom not expected of someone as young as she was when she wrote them.  To have this insight at such a young age and while going through what she and her family and many other women, men, and children did under Hitler’s and the Nazis’ reign of terror is inspiring.

As with some of the other quotes that I’ve chosen to write about, this one again reminds us of the healing aspect of being in nature, of the beauty of the heavens, and of the importance of our relationship with the Divine. 

As I and many others have written about, noticing nature around us adds to our sense of wellbeing.  Whether we have the opportunity to spend time at a national park and see its majestic scenery or have a few minutes to look out our window at a sunset or notice the trees along the city sidewalk as we walk along, these are all ways of connecting with nature.  This connection is helpful every day and, as Anne Frank says, it is especially helpful when we’re experiencing difficulties.

And during difficult times it is vital to remember that our Creator is always with us.  Remembering this will help us no matter what we’re experiencing.

The Gift of Listening to Others

“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.”

This quote is by Ralph G. Nichols, who was an American author and communications expert who lived from 1916 to 2006.

Being a good listener is an excellent quality to have.  Giving our full attention to people talking to us, making eye contact, and not interrupting leads to our better understanding what they are sharing with us.  It also shows that we are interested in what they are telling us and that we value them.

In my experience as a crisis line counselor, giving my full attention to those who have called has been essential to trying to assist them.  In fact, many times the person calling would tell me that just being able to talk about what they were experiencing with someone who listened was helpful in itself.  This reflects Nichols’ words that being understood is a basic human need.  And that’s even more the case when a person is struggling emotionally.

Acquiring active listening skills is an essential part of counseling training.  In addition to giving our full attention and not interrupting, it includes reflecting back from time to time what a person has said and asking clarifying questions.  All of us can learn to do these helpful approaches that let people know we are listening and understanding what they are telling us.

Many of us need to improve our ability to listen. Too often when someone is talking to someone else, that person checks their phone or is easily distracted in other ways, is forming an answer instead of focusing on what the person is saying, or talks about an experience they had, as if they were waiting for the other person to finish so they could talk.  All of these actions lead to the person not feeling understood.

Recently I read an article about a high school where students were not allowed to look at their cell phones during classes, but they could during lunch break.  Some students started a challenge whose purpose was that students would choose to interact with each other rather than texting, playing games, etc., on their phones.  There was a better than expected response.  Some of the students interviewed said how much they were enjoying having conversations with each other by choosing not to view their phones.  This also reflects Nichols’ words about the basic need of being understood.  And it brings to mind for me how students conversing and enjoying each other’s company can decrease the loneliness that some young people feel.

I encourage all of us to notice how well we are listening when others are talking to us.  And to remember Nichols’ words about the human need to understand and to be understood.

“Those who are not looking for happiness are the most likely to find it, because those who are searching forget that the surest way to be happy is to seek happiness for others.”

This quote by Martin Luther King, Jr. is yet another way of emphasizing the importance of caring about and helping others.  The women and men who I think most highly of, both those I’ve learned about who lived in the past and those who are presently living, are people who endeavored to help others.  Martin Luther King, Jr., was certainly one of those people.  As one of the leaders of the civil rights movement, he was courageous and selfless as he helped to bring about change that improved the lives of numerous people.  Mother Teresa through the charitable organizations she founded also helped many people.  Harriet Tubman through the underground railroad and in other ways enabled numerous slaves to escape the oppression that was occurring in the United States.  Mahatma Gandhi through his example and approach of nonviolent resistance led to India’s gaining independence from British rule resulting in improved lives for many.  And, thankfully, there have been a great many other women and men whose names can be added to this list for their efforts and the positive changes they helped to bring about.

There are also many women and men whose names are not in the history books but who had the courage and selflessness to devote themselves to working for causes that made and continue to make many people’s lives better.

Another way people’s lives are affected in a positive way is by reading the writing of capable authors–novels, nonfiction books, children’s literature, articles in publications, and so on.  When we read that which is published by talented writers, our lives are enriched, we gain in knowledge, and we broaden our life experience.  In addition to having writing ability and creativity, effective writers also have self-discipline, patience, and perseverance.  Because they have these qualities, those of us who read their works gain from their efforts.  I believe what I’ve said about writers also applies to those who compose music.  Through their work they also add to the happiness of others.

Finally, King’s words apply to each one of us as we interact with others.  With our spouses or partners, our children and grandchildren, extended family members, friends, and coworkers.  With people we know and with people we do not know.  When there are ways we can help people that lead to them being happier, naturally that will add to our happiness, as King says.  And we will be living in a way that our Creator created us to live.

 

“Until the great mass of the people shall be filled with the sense of responsibility for each other’s welfare, social justice can never be attained.”

This quote is by Helen Keller, one of several people whose words of wisdom I have shared in a number of posts in my blog since I started writing it a few years ago.  She was a woman whose words and accomplishments showed compassion, the ability to overcome adversity, courage, and many other admirable qualities in addition to wisdom.

In the past as well as presently, much has been written and spoken about social justice.  I’m thankful for the progress that has been made, such as educational and career opportunities being more available to many people than they were in the past when race, ethnicity, gender, disability, age, and other characteristics prevented people from having those opportunities.  This progress has been possible thanks to a great many people recognizing that racism and other forms of prejudice are wrong and immoral.  In recognizing this, they had the sense of responsibility for each other’s welfare to which Keller refers.

It’s sad that there are people who do not have that sense of responsibility.  Who, rather than caring about other people, think only about themselves or only about themselves and the groups to which they belong.  It’s also sad that some of the progress that has been made is being undermined, because certain people in power do not recognize the importance of caring about others’ welfare.  And it‘s a shame that some of the people who do not care about helping others consider themselves to be Christians when their words and actions directly contradict the teachings of Jesus.

In addition to supporting social justice causes that have as their mission to decrease racism and other forms of prejudice, each of us can do our part to live in a way that shows that we care about other people.  By treating others with respect, by giving our full attention when others are talking to us, by being nonjudgmental, and by helping others, we demonstrate our belief in the importance of caring about each other’s well-being.  And in so doing, we also endeavor to live as Jesus taught us to live.