Unexpected Gifts

Not long ago the employees of the crisis line where I had worked for many years were told that the service would need to close because there wasn’t sufficient funding to keep it operational. This decision had been made by the management personnel of the nonprofit organization of which the crisis line was a part after months of effort had gone into trying to obtain funding from many sources. I felt bad for the other counselors and myself that we would be losing our employment, but I felt worse for the many people who would no longer have this helpful resource available to them.

When I walked to my car after completing my last shift, I saw a beautiful rainbow. Rainbows are special because they are pretty and we never know when one will appear or how long it will last. They are unexpected gifts. Although I’d had time to accept the fact that the service I had cared about so much was ending, I was still feeling sad about it. Seeing that rainbow not only raised my spirits but made me think of what it symbolized for me: an unexpected, lovely surprise. Two days later I was asked by an administrator of the organization of which the crisis line was a part if I would be interested in continuing to do crisis line counseling by answering calls for some county crisis lines. Some funding had come through to continue some but not all of the services we had been offering, making this position possible. I immediately said yes.

I have written about synchronicities in other posts and about how we can learn from them and be given messages from our inner voice through them. Synchronicities are meaningful, acausal occurrences. The rainbow didn’t cause the new crisis line job to become available, and the job didn’t cause the rainbow to occur. And yet seeing that rainbow on the last day of my crisis line job caused me to wonder if something positive might happen; it made me feel hopeful. And sure enough something special and unexpected—just as a rainbow is special and unexpected—happened. And I continue to be a crisis line counselor doing work I care about deeply.

Even Small Acts of Kindness Make a Difference

This morning I stopped at a grocery store to buy a few items. Because it was early in the day there was only one cashier working, so I got in line behind some other shoppers. A woman and a man were in front of me, and I noticed the woman look at my cart. She said to the man she was with that they should let me go before them because their cart was full and it would take just a couple of minutes for me to get checked out. He readily agreed. I thanked them and said that was very nice of them. The woman smiled and said people have done that for her before, so it was her turn to do it for someone else.

I cherish such unexpected acts of kindness. I had noticed how full their cart was, and I was feeling some frustration that the store didn’t have more cashiers working. But even so I would not have expected this couple to let me go before them. I understand that people often need to hurry to get to another commitment, and they had already been in line behind other shoppers. And yet they chose to give me this thoughtful and unexpected gift.

Be Watchful of Egocentricity

“Egocentricity is like a hard shell around the ego, shutting the ego in, shutting other people out, and preventing the energy of the Self from coming through.” This is a quotation from one of John Sanford’s books, The Strange Trial of Mr. Hyde. Sanford, a Jungian analyst and author, had a gift for presenting Jungian ideas in clear, understandable language, and I have learned a great deal from reading his books and listening to his recorded presentations.

Egocentricity is that tendency to think only of oneself and to ignore the feelings and needs of others. When Sanford says egocentricity “shuts the ego in,” I think of limitations and rigidity, no access to new ideas, and no personal growth. Shutting other people out also results in limitations; there is no sharing of experiences and insights that can result from interacting with others. There is no assisting others either, a further sign of a deficient approach to life.

Most importantly, being egocentric cuts us off from the Self. The Self is the larger reality that includes both the ego and the unconscious; it provides energy, strength, and direction to the ego. In the same book I referred to above, Sanford writes: “Without a relationship with the Self, the ego is devoid of vital energy, creativity, and a sense of meaning in life.” Clearly, we need to be in relationship with the Self to change and grow and do those things we were created to do.

No one is without some egocentricity. It’s the degree we need to watch for in ourselves and do our best to break through that hard shell that is so limiting. This is another reason to pay attention to our dreams, synchronicities, and intuition because the Self communicates to us through them. By these means, the Self helps us to see when we are being egocentric and helps us to get back on our path.

Living Life More and More

“As one grows to understand life less and less, one learns to live it more and more.” This quotation was in a fortune cookie that came with my meal at a restaurant. The quotation resonated with me immediately. I am in my 60s so I’ve been on this earth quite a while. And although I have learned a great deal over the years and understand many things, there are certainly things I don’t understand and some that I never will. I have needed to learn to live with mystery.

I find it hard to understand cruelty. There are psychological theories about why people commit cruel acts, but I still find it hard to understand. I also don’t understand why some children are born with disabilities or become seriously ill and die, that they and the people who love them have to suffer in this way. There are many occurrences such as these that I don’t understand. There are also beautiful aspects of life I don’t understand, such as the presence of faith. But I’m thankful I have the gift of faith that helps me in many ways, including helping me to better accept mystery.

Because the quotation in the fortune cookie didn’t include an author’s name, I did an internet search because I wanted to acknowledge who the author is if I was able to find that out. My search didn’t lead me to the exact quotation; instead it led to a very similar one. Jules Renard, a French author and dramatist who lived from 1864 to 1910, said this: “As I grow to understand life less and less, I grow to love it more and more.”

This is also a meaningful quotation. But to me the difference between “living life” and “loving life” is significant. Because I believe the Creator created each of us as unique individuals with a plan for how we should live our lives, I believe I must try to follow the Creator’s direction for me whether I love life or not. I love certain aspects of life very much and I’m thankful for my many blessings, including being thankful for the people I love and who love me. But there are parts of life I do not love, such as those I mentioned above. I’ve found that trying to do what seems right for me makes living meaningful–trying to follow my path and doing the actions that involves. And through those endeavors, I do live life more and more.

Psychological Projection

Learning about the Jungian concept of psychological projection has helped me in my interactions with others and has also helped me to better understand myself. Projection can be defined as a process where the contents of a person’s unconscious are perceived to be in others. Because projection happens at an unconscious level, we don’t cause it to happen or control it. We can, however, try to notice when it occurs and learn from it.

Here’s an example from my life. When I was in my 20s, I worked as a secretary in a law firm. One of the lawyers, who was about 20 years older than I, was well known for his success in the field of law. He was an intelligent, personable man, and he would greet the other staff and me when he arrived each day. His intelligence and pleasant manner were evident from his conversation and behavior. However, I found myself attributing additional positive qualities to him even though I didn’t know him well enough to ascertain if those qualities were part of his personality. In a way, he became in my mind the model of an “ideal man.”

When I think back, I realize I was projecting positive aspects of myself onto the lawyer, aspects of myself of which I wasn’t consciously aware. At the time I did not know about the concept of projection and therefore had no idea this was happening. I just saw a man who I thought had so much going for him, and I also saw myself as having some positive qualities but not nearly as many as he had.

Projection works the other way also. Too often people see only negative in individuals who they don’t know, not aware that they are projecting negative aspects of themselves onto others. Carl Jung and many other writers attribute racial prejudice and injustice to negative projection, where some people fear or even hate people because of the color of their skin, their accent, clothing they wear that is different from that worn by the dominant culture, and so on.

One way we can discern whether projection might be occurring is to observe how strong our feelings are about another person or group of people. If we notice we’ve taken an immediate dislike to someone, it would be good to ask ourselves why that might be. Has that person said or done something that could be the basis for our feelings? Similarly, if we find ourselves intrigued by someone, it would be useful to ask ourselves what lies behind the attraction. In this way, we may discover aspects of ourselves that had previously been hidden from our consciousness and thereby become more integrated persons.

Making This a Better World

One of the many meaningful quotations attributed to Mahatma Gandhi is “In a gentle way, you can shake the world.” Gandhi’s words are a reminder that each one of us can make a difference, can do our part in making this a better world.

I was reading an article recently about a woman who started a website asking people to list what they had done recently to help someone. The woman had the idea for her website because she had been the recipient of help after a very sad thing happened: her husband died of a heart attack when he was only 38 years old. She lost her husband, and their two young daughters lost their father. The woman was touched by the outpouring of help she received. People brought her and her daughters meals, offered to care for her daughters when she needed to run errands, helped with yard work, and in other ways lightened her burdens as she was grieving the loss of her husband.

Soon after starting her website, the woman began hearing from many people telling about what they had done to help others. The website has not only become a forum where people may share what they have done, it’s also a place where people can get ideas of what they can consider doing to assist someone. Seemingly small acts of kindness can make such a difference to the persons receiving them.

Another aspect of the article that meant a lot to me was how the woman was able to take an incredibly sad occurrence and use it as the basis for something good.

Becoming a More Conscious Person

As I’ve written in other posts, learning about Jungian concepts has greatly enriched my life. Becoming a more conscious person as a result of paying attention to and learning from my dreams, noting synchronicities, and acting on promptings from my intuition have all added meaning and purpose to my life.

Our western culture focuses on using reasoning and cognitive skills and places little, if any, value on what is happening at an unconscious level. And yet much is going on each day of which we are not consciously aware but which is very significant. Jung expresses this when he writes in the book Memories, Dreams, Reflections: “Day after day we live far beyond the bounds of our consciousness; without our knowledge the life of the unconscious is also going on within us. The more the critical reason dominates, the more impoverished life becomes; but the more of the unconscious, and the more of myth we are capable of making conscious, the more of life we integrate.”

It’s the integration that Jung refers to that adds to our becoming more whole persons. If you’re not already familiar with it, the book I referred to above, Memories, Dreams, Reflections, is a biography of Carl Jung and includes some autobiographical sections that Jung wrote. If you haven’t read it, I encourage you to do so.

Extraversion and Introversion

I have benefited greatly by learning about Jungian concepts. Among his many contributions to understanding the human psyche, Carl Jung identified and described psychological types. Two of the psychological types he wrote about are extraversion and introversion. People who are extraverted are energized by being with others; they thrive on interaction. People who are introverted, on the other hand, gain energy by having time alone. Another way of describing these qualities is introversion is “inward turning” and “thought oriented” and extraversion is “outward turning” and “action oriented.”

As with all aspects of being human, there is a continuum; the degree of introversion or extraversion varies for each individual. Some people who are extraverted are very outgoing and hate being alone, whereas other people who are extraverted prefer being with people but are comfortable with some alone time as well. And for some people who are introverted, being among people is actually uncomfortable and they avoid being with others unless it is essential. For others, they enjoy some interaction with others but recognize that they also need a certain amount of quiet time.

Knowing that these differences are natural has helped me to understand other people better and to be more accepting of differences. I am more introverted than extraverted, and in the past I would sometimes be uncomfortable around someone who was outgoing and might even question that person’s sincerity. I recognize now that being outgoing is simply an aspect of a person’s personality.

In addition to helping me understand other people better, I also better understand myself. I have a busy life and interact with others in my work. I recognize the imporance for myself of having some quiet, introspective time to recharge. I hope that people reading this post who were not aware of these psychological types will find knowing about them to be helpful in their relationships with others and also in understanding themselves.

Discernment

Approaching life from a Jungian perspective includes each person trying to discern what is the life path for which he or she was created. It can be difficult to feel sure about what is a correct choice. For example, there are many causes that a person may support and be active in that are considered positive and helpful by most people. But no matter how positive and helpful a cause might be, it is the correct choice for an individual only if it is part of that person’s life path. It is easy for one’s ego to choose something that appears to be a good thing to do, but it might not actually be what that person was created to do.

Jungian author and psychotherapist Dr. Terry Chitwood writes about these ideas in his book Meeting Force with Silence. He writes “How can you distinguish between false hope and your real work? Actions carried out based on false hope will receive a series of obstacles that will discourage you from continuing in your direction. Sometimes it can be difficult to distinguish between obstacles and tests, but it can be done. Tests usually lead to understanding and growth whereas obstacles lead to frustration. The frustration’s purpose is to get you back on the right track.”

I find what Dr. Chitwood writes about frustration helping to get a person back on track to be hopeful. Knowing we have more than one chance to get back to our path is encouraging. Part of being human is to make mistakes. If we are too fearful of making mistakes, we become stuck and personal growth isn’t possible. Paying attention to our dreams, synchronicities, and intuition will help us to discern our next steps, and paying attention to our feelings, including frustration, will also help to steer us in the right direction.

Inmost Truth

As I’ve written in other posts, author John A. Sanford’s books have added greatly to my knowledge about inner life, Jungian concepts, and many other meaningful topics. In his book The Strange Trial of Mr. Hyde, Sanford writes about, among other things, the relationship between the ego and the Self. He says, “When the ego departs from the Self, the unconscious sets up an opposition to the ego. To live a moral and correct life is to live in accordance with the Self.”

Our egos can be very stubborn and not open to making changes prompted from within, especially when making those changes involves sacrifice or discomfort. And they often do, because most things that matter in life do. Hence the saying “No pain, no gain.” It is also difficult to make changes when it’s not clear to us the purpose for the changes. That is where a certain degree of faith is essential.

Sanford goes on to say, “When we are cut off from the Self, our instinct for moral action is weakened, and instead of the Self we find ourselves following the dictates of others which may or may not coincide with our inmost truth.” There is a lot of societal pressure to act certain ways, and it can be difficult to be the unique individuals each of us was created to be. And yet succumbing to societal pressure often leads to a sense that something doesn’t feel right or to a feeling of emptiness. I believe this feeling of emptiness is the basis for many people turning to alcohol, drugs, and other forms of escape, often leading to addictions. I’m not alone in this belief for much has been written to support it.

I’m reassured by the truth that Sanford expresses when he writes, “Nevertheless, the Self is always there, even if hidden from us, acting like a vital power trying to bring us back to our moral center.” We need to hold on to this truth as we endeavor to follow our individual paths.