Author: Susan Schulte

Posted on

Working at Individuation

One of the primary concepts of Jungian psychology is individuation, the inner process where we grow in consciousness and become more whole. We grow in consciousness by integrating aspects of the unconscious that we learn from the symbols and stories of our dreams, from synchronicities, from unexpected occurrences, and from what we sense intuitively. As we become more individuated, we become more the persons we were created to be.

In his book Inner Work, Jungian psychotherapist and author Robert Johnson writes: “If we work at individuation, we begin to see the difference between the ideas and values that come out of our own selves and the social opinions that we absorb from the world around us. We can cease to be mere appendages of a society or a clique of people: We learn that we have our own values, our own ways of life, that proceed naturally out of our inborn natures.”

Although the notion of being our “own person” and being “an individual” is talked about as an ideal in our culture, there is much pressure to adapt and fit in rather than to be truly individual. The news media, advertising, and political groups have as their goal to influence how we think and act. With some exceptions, family, social, and religious groups too often focus on conforming to their definition of how we should be rather than promoting genuine individuality.

Because this is the case, it takes courage and persistence to try to listen to our inner voice–to listen to the Self, to use Jung’s terminology. It takes faith in the process and realization that when that faith waivers, we are always welcome to start again. Notice that Johnson writes “If we work at individuation . . . .” It is work. It is not the easy way. But it is definitely the meaningful way.

Posted on

Loneliness

In my work as a crisis line counselor, I have often heard from people who are lonely and who long to have a loving and committed relationship. Some have been in relationships that they needed to end, some have experienced the other person leaving them and are grieving not being with that person anymore, and some have always found it difficult to meet others and have never been in an exclusive relationship. Loneliness is painful.

It concerns me when people tell me the only thing that matters is to have someone in their lives so they aren’t lonely any more. It’s essential for everyone to find a sense of meaning as individuals. I would never say this totally takes away feelings of loneliness, definitely not, for I have empathy for lonely people. But it’s important not to depend on a relationship with someone to be the only thing that makes life meaningful. For this reason, it is often recommended that people who feel lonely explore interests and activities that they might enjoy, such as learning to play a musical instrument or starting an exercise program. Another possibility is to volunteer for a cause they care about. When people are feeling down, it can be difficult to find the motivation to do this, but many people have benefited by making such choices. And sometimes doing something a person cares about leads to meeting someone who has similar interests and values.

Growing in consciousness can also help people feel less lonely. Several of the authors whose books I have read about doing inner work have found this to be the case for their clients. It’s as if the various aspects of our psyches, such as our inner feminine and masculine, are in a sense companions to us. If it were an ideal world, I would wish for everyone to have someone who loves them dearly. Because it is not an ideal world, I wish for everyone to find meaning in their lives that, if it does not totally end their feelings of loneliness, at least diminishes those feelings. And adds significance and purpose to each day.

Posted on

Dreams Speak through Symbols

It has been very helpful to me to have learned that dreams give us essential information about ourselves. I say “very helpful” but “life-changing” is more accurate. It was almost 30 years ago that I began meeting with a Jungian psychotherapist, became acquainted with Carl Jung’s theories, and began reading books to augment what I was learning in therapy. Dreams, through their symbols and stories, provide us with information from the unconscious, self-knowledge that becomes integrated with our conscious personalities, making us more aware and more whole persons.

As is true of books and articles about all topics, some are much better than others. As I’ve said in other posts, Jungian psychotherapist John Sanford’s books are excellent. Another Jungian psychotherapist and author whose writing I respect is Robert A. Johnson. Like Sanford, Johnson effectively writes about Jungian ideas, as well as his own and other people’s experiences with dream work. Here’s an excerpt from Johnson’s book Inner Work: “For every symbol in a dream the unconscious is ready to provide the associations that explain the symbol’s meaning. The unconscious contains within itself the references for every symbol that it generates; therefore the symbolic language of the unconscious can be decoded. Our task begins with waking up to the associations that spontaneously flow out of us in response to symbols.”

I recently remembered two dreams that occurred within one day of each other and a friend of mine appeared in both dreams. After recording the dreams in my journal, I thought of my associations to my friend, including what I consider to be her positive qualities and also those aspects of her personality that don’t appeal to me. After doing that, I felt like I understood what the dreams might be telling me about myself. The dream image of my friend was not about her; rather, the dream used her image to symbolically represent certain aspects of my personality that the dream wanted to bring to my attention.

As I said earlier, I worked with a Jungian therapist. I think it can be difficult for a person to do dream work without the assistance, at least initially, of a therapist who has expertise in this area. I highly recommend doing this. It is life-changing.

Posted on

Sharing the Gift of Time

My mother is 99 years old and thankfully was able to live in her home until she was 94, living there by herself eight years after my father passed away. Since then she has lived in an assisted living apartment. The transition from living independently to living in an assisted living facility or nursing home is usually difficult for people, understandably so. They miss the familiarity of their home, friends, and routine, and find themselves in entirely different surroundings, with people they don’t know. The transition was difficult for my mother but, I’m happy to say, she is generally content now.

Whenever I see that someone new has moved onto Mom’s floor, I say a prayer for that person. The reason each person needs to be there is unique to him or her—sometimes there are cognitive changes, sometimes physical limitations, and sometimes both. But no matter what the reason for needing to move there, I doubt that it’s an easy life change.

I recently heard someone who is in her 70s and whose mother is in her 90s complaining about the time it takes to visit her mother and do tasks for her, such as taking care of her finances and purchasing items her mother needs. One of the reasons the person gave was that she herself is getting older and it might not be long before she will need someone to take care of her. She resented that helping her mother resulted in less time being available to do things she would rather do.

If I have a long life and need to live in assisted living someday, I hope there will be people who want to visit me and to assist me with those things I can no longer do on my own. I spend time with my mother because I love her, but also to follow the teaching of “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” (Luke 6:31). This maxim applies to many situations. If our inner direction is to do certain things we would rather not do, try not to focus on the inconvenience. A life of only ease and comfort is not a meaningful life.

Posted on

Our Need for Mercy

A prayer I learned about many years ago is called “the Jesus Prayer.” It’s just a few words: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” I’ve read that it is likely the Jesus Prayer originated from the fifth century monastic traditions of the Desert Fathers and Desert Mothers in Egypt. There are variations, including “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me” and “Lord Jesus, have mercy.” Or simply “Jesus Mercy.” From time to time throughout the day, I’ll silently pray the Jesus Prayer.

It’s important that we remember our need for mercy. It matters very much that we try every day to follow what we discern to be direction from our inner voice. But no matter how well we do in those efforts, we always need the Creator’s help and mercy. None of us is perfect and, despite our efforts, we will make mistakes sometimes. And when we do succeed in living honestly and ethically, it is because the Creator makes that possible.

Another time I pray the Jesus prayer is when I do a relaxation breathing technique. When I’m feeling stress, I slowly inhale, expanding my abdomen, and then slowly exhale, contracting my abdomen, saying “Jesus” as I breathe in and “Mercy” as I breathe out, doing this three or four times. The breathing has a calming effect, and saying the Jesus Prayer adds to the calm I experience.

Posted on

The Gift of Faith

I recently read this quote by Martin Luther King, Jr.: “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” What a perfect definition.

Having faith helps us to live according to what seems morally right to us. Living in this way can be challenging, especially when other people are unaccepting and even critical of choices we make. That can be especially hurtful when those people are people we care about, such as family members and friends. It takes courage to live according to our values and to resist societal pressure to conform rather than to be the unique person we were created to be. Dr. King was certainly an example of someone who lived courageously and who embraced his calling.

Faith is a gift from the Creator and therefore it is not something we can cause to happen. However, I believe we can and we need to “prepare the soil” to be more ready to receive the gift of faith. Some of the ways we can do this are by trying our best to do what seems morally right, to be nonjudgmental and treat others with respect, to be thankful for our blessings, and to devote time to prayer. In these and other ways, we can be more ready to take the next steps along our individual paths.

Posted on

Unexpected Gifts

Not long ago the employees of the crisis line where I had worked for many years were told that the service would need to close because there wasn’t sufficient funding to keep it operational. This decision had been made by the management personnel of the nonprofit organization of which the crisis line was a part after months of effort had gone into trying to obtain funding from many sources. I felt bad for the other counselors and myself that we would be losing our employment, but I felt worse for the many people who would no longer have this helpful resource available to them.

When I walked to my car after completing my last shift, I saw a beautiful rainbow. Rainbows are special because they are pretty and we never know when one will appear or how long it will last. They are unexpected gifts. Although I’d had time to accept the fact that the service I had cared about so much was ending, I was still feeling sad about it. Seeing that rainbow not only raised my spirits but made me think of what it symbolized for me: an unexpected, lovely surprise. Two days later I was asked by an administrator of the organization of which the crisis line was a part if I would be interested in continuing to do crisis line counseling by answering calls for some county crisis lines. Some funding had come through to continue some but not all of the services we had been offering, making this position possible. I immediately said yes.

I have written about synchronicities in other posts and about how we can learn from them and be given messages from our inner voice through them. Synchronicities are meaningful, acausal occurrences. The rainbow didn’t cause the new crisis line job to become available, and the job didn’t cause the rainbow to occur. And yet seeing that rainbow on the last day of my crisis line job caused me to wonder if something positive might happen; it made me feel hopeful. And sure enough something special and unexpected—just as a rainbow is special and unexpected—happened. And I continue to be a crisis line counselor doing work I care about deeply.

Posted on

Even Small Acts of Kindness Make a Difference

This morning I stopped at a grocery store to buy a few items. Because it was early in the day there was only one cashier working, so I got in line behind some other shoppers. A woman and a man were in front of me, and I noticed the woman look at my cart. She said to the man she was with that they should let me go before them because their cart was full and it would take just a couple of minutes for me to get checked out. He readily agreed. I thanked them and said that was very nice of them. The woman smiled and said people have done that for her before, so it was her turn to do it for someone else.

I cherish such unexpected acts of kindness. I had noticed how full their cart was, and I was feeling some frustration that the store didn’t have more cashiers working. But even so I would not have expected this couple to let me go before them. I understand that people often need to hurry to get to another commitment, and they had already been in line behind other shoppers. And yet they chose to give me this thoughtful and unexpected gift.

Posted on

Be Watchful of Egocentricity

“Egocentricity is like a hard shell around the ego, shutting the ego in, shutting other people out, and preventing the energy of the Self from coming through.” This is a quotation from one of John Sanford’s books, The Strange Trial of Mr. Hyde. Sanford, a Jungian analyst and author, had a gift for presenting Jungian ideas in clear, understandable language, and I have learned a great deal from reading his books and listening to his recorded presentations.

Egocentricity is that tendency to think only of oneself and to ignore the feelings and needs of others. When Sanford says egocentricity “shuts the ego in,” I think of limitations and rigidity, no access to new ideas, and no personal growth. Shutting other people out also results in limitations; there is no sharing of experiences and insights that can result from interacting with others. There is no assisting others either, a further sign of a deficient approach to life.

Most importantly, being egocentric cuts us off from the Self. The Self is the larger reality that includes both the ego and the unconscious; it provides energy, strength, and direction to the ego. In the same book I referred to above, Sanford writes: “Without a relationship with the Self, the ego is devoid of vital energy, creativity, and a sense of meaning in life.” Clearly, we need to be in relationship with the Self to change and grow and do those things we were created to do.

No one is without some egocentricity. It’s the degree we need to watch for in ourselves and do our best to break through that hard shell that is so limiting. This is another reason to pay attention to our dreams, synchronicities, and intuition because the Self communicates to us through them. By these means, the Self helps us to see when we are being egocentric and helps us to get back on our path.

Posted on

Living Life More and More

“As one grows to understand life less and less, one learns to live it more and more.” This quotation was in a fortune cookie that came with my meal at a restaurant. The quotation resonated with me immediately. I am in my 60s so I’ve been on this earth quite a while. And although I have learned a great deal over the years and understand many things, there are certainly things I don’t understand and some that I never will. I have needed to learn to live with mystery.

I find it hard to understand cruelty. There are psychological theories about why people commit cruel acts, but I still find it hard to understand. I also don’t understand why some children are born with disabilities or become seriously ill and die, that they and the people who love them have to suffer in this way. There are many occurrences such as these that I don’t understand. There are also beautiful aspects of life I don’t understand, such as the presence of faith. But I’m thankful I have the gift of faith that helps me in many ways, including helping me to better accept mystery.

Because the quotation in the fortune cookie didn’t include an author’s name, I did an internet search because I wanted to acknowledge who the author is if I was able to find that out. My search didn’t lead me to the exact quotation; instead it led to a very similar one. Jules Renard, a French author and dramatist who lived from 1864 to 1910, said this: “As I grow to understand life less and less, I grow to love it more and more.”

This is also a meaningful quotation. But to me the difference between “living life” and “loving life” is significant. Because I believe the Creator created each of us as unique individuals with a plan for how we should live our lives, I believe I must try to follow the Creator’s direction for me whether I love life or not. I love certain aspects of life very much and I’m thankful for my many blessings, including being thankful for the people I love and who love me. But there are parts of life I do not love, such as those I mentioned above. I’ve found that trying to do what seems right for me makes living meaningful–trying to follow my path and doing the actions that involves. And through those endeavors, I do live life more and more.