Author: Susan Schulte

Where I work as a crisis line counselor, one of the lines we answer is a gambling helpline for people who are trying to stop gambling. Gambling can become addicting and, for many people, it leads to terrible problems. I have spoken with people whose gambling habit caused their marriage or other close relationships to end, who lost their homes to foreclosure, who lost their jobs – the list goes on. Thankfully, many people are able to stop gambling. But as with other addictions, they usually need help from professionals and/or support groups such as Gamblers Anonymous, and it takes a lot of hard work. Work that of course is worth the effort.

I’ve been fortunate that gambling never had much appeal to me. Hearing other people’s stories of loss and hardship has strengthened my opinion that gambling is something people should avoid. From time to time I read or hear about a nonprofit organization that had to close because of lack of funding. They are usually organizations that have provided much help to people in need. I find myself thinking I wish people who throw their money away gambling (money which mostly helps wealthy people become wealthier) would instead contribute that money to an organization whose mission is meaningful to them. Something to consider.

In my post titled “Our Journeys,” I wrote about an adolescent girl who was frustrated when a classmate didn’t agree with her opinion about a topic the girl believed was very important. After writing that post, I found myself thinking about the idea of noninterference that I had read about in Dr. Terry Chitwood’s book, Meeting Force with Silence.

Dr. Chitwood writes “When you spread your opinions where they are not wanted, you are interfering.” He goes on to say “If you want to make people tense, angry, or sad, try pushing your opinions on them.” He also shares this insight: “That is why noninterference is a concept that works. If you let situations unfold naturally and share your views when appropriate, then everything will progress smoothly.”

There are times when our ideas and opinions seem so right to us that it’s hard to resist trying to convince others that they should have those same opinions. But I agree with Dr. Chitwood that we must not interfere with other people in this way. No matter how strongly we hold a certain belief, it is wrong to try to force it on others. At the crisis line organization where I am a counselor, we are expected to use a counseling model that emphasizes trying to get a sense of each caller’s degree of readiness to do or try to do something, such as a coping strategy or self-care. It doesn’t do any good to tell a caller what he or she should do. Instead we try to collaborate with the caller to determine what might be the next step for him or her. This is another form of noninterference.

I also appreciate what Dr. Chitwood writes about letting situations “unfold naturally.” To do this takes patience and wisdom. Changes will happen naturally if we do not interfere.

The other day something came to mind that I hadn’t remembered for many years. My first job after graduating from college was teaching at a middle school. One of my students was expressing frustration with another student who had called herself “lucky” because something positive had happened to her. The student who was frustrated told the other student that people are not lucky when positive things happen, but instead they are blessed; that God causes good things to happen and those good things are blessings. The first student argued that it didn’t matter which word she used and she would use the word she wanted to. It was hard for the frustrated student to let it go. She felt so strongly about it she kept trying to convince the other student to change her way of thinking.

Remembering witnessing this interaction between the students reminds me of how each of us is on our own journey. And along the way each of us has been and continues to be influenced by other people and experiences. I remember the student who felt adamant about using the word blessed rather than lucky had parents who talked openly about their religious faith. It’s likely that her parents emphasized to her and her siblings the difference between being blessed and being lucky and naturally she was influenced by them. Some people would say it’s semantics. Some people would say when they say lucky, they believe luck is a gift from God. Some people would say they don’t believe in a higher power but they have times when they feel lucky. And so on.

We’re all on our journeys. What matters is that we change and grow along the way.

I like the simplicity and beauty of this prayer:

Day by day,
Day by day,
Lord, Dear Lord, three things I pray:
To see thee more clearly,
Love thee more dearly,
Follow thee more nearly,
Day by day.

The melody of the song that was created with the words of this prayer has been “playing in my head” recently–a prompting perhaps to write about it in my blog.

The words “day by day” remind me both that each day of our lives matters and also that how we choose to live each day matters. The choices we make, the actions we do, how we spend the time we are given. The words “To see thee more clearly” bring to mind the idea of hearing our inner voice that guides us–sometimes it is clearer than at other times. It is important that we strive to hear it because in doing so we will “see more clearly” what we are to do.

When we love our Lord more dearly, we become more able to love other people and to show that love through our interactions with them. We also become more able to love ourselves. To “follow thee more nearly” makes me think about trying to follow the teachings and examples of Christ and also about the Jungian idea of becoming more conscious which is what makes it possible for us to be more the person we were created to be.

I respect Mahatma Gandhi because he lived what he said. One of the things he said is “You may never know what results come of your actions, but if you do nothing, there will be no results.” I sometimes become disheartened when I read news stories about people who suffer because of other people’s injustice, violence, and greed. And I question whether there really is anything I can do to help. Thankfully, I have the belief that no matter how much is wrong in the world there is also a great deal that is right. There are many instances where there is justice and nonviolence, and where much is being done to benefit others.

Sometimes it works out that we see the positive results of something we have done and that, of course, is a special experience. It’s important when that happens that we keep in mind our ability to do whatever positive thing we did was a gift and to have a humble and thankful attitude about it.

But what I especially like about Gandhi’s words is that what we do matters whether we have the opportunity to see the results or not. What matters is that we make the effort, that we give of ourselves because we care. What matters is that we keep in mind that doing nothing is the wrong choice.

Here is another excerpt from Dr. Terry Chitwood’s book How to Defend Yourself Without Even Trying: “It is important to remember that it is the power of the universe that nourishes your spirit and keeps you alive. Without that energy, your breath would cease. It is a gift to live even for another moment. Show your respect for your gift of life by only using your power for the benefit of mankind and not for personal gain.”

In our busy lives, as we go from task to task, be it at work, at school, raising children, and so on, it is easy to forget the miracle of our existence. That we did not create ourselves and give ourselves life. And we do not sustain our lives. I appreciate how Dr. Chitwood expresses these truths.

And I appreciate his reminder about using our gift of life to benefit others rather than for personal gain. Modern western culture emphasizes personal gain. We see it in movies and TV programs, advertisements, all kinds of media. It is not uncommon for people who focus only on themselves to feel empty. It is people who use their gift of life to help others, especially when they’ve been able to discern their unique purpose, who find a sense of fulfillment.

An elderly man who I cared about very much passed away about ten years ago. He had cancer and during the last few months of his life he was bed-ridden. Once when I was visiting him, he told me he wondered why God designed life so that people grow old and die and at the same time babies are born. And the babies, as they grow, need to go through life experiences and learn the many things that the person who has died spent all those year experiencing and learning. My friend said he wondered why God doesn’t just let people who are already here continue to live and not have more people be born who then have to start from the beginning. I’m sure my friend was feeling sad that he would be leaving his wife of many years, that he would no longer be here to help her and be her companion. And perhaps he was starting to grieve the ending of his life on earth.

Later when I thought about what my elderly friend had said, the thought “It’s the journey that matters” came to me. The creator has created each of us and put us on this earth, and we are given the opportunity to make choices and act on those choices as we live each day. It has been my experience, and I believe the experience of most people, that the right choice in a given situation isn’t always obvious, and we need to try to discern the Creator’s will for us. Sincerely making that effort is also part of the journey, as are realizing when we’ve made a mistake, doing our best to accept challenges, and trusting that the Creator is always with us. By trying to live in this way, each of us will know we tried our best as we’re nearing the end of our earthly journeys.

An author whose books have meant a lot to me is Terry Chitwood, a Jungian psychotherapist and writer. In his book How to Defend Yourself Without Even Trying, Dr. Chitwood says this about nonattachment: “Everything in this world changes. To resist change is useless and time-consuming. In order to live effortlessly and happily, you need to flow with your changes. The only other choice is suffering.”

When I think of “flowing with my changes,” I’m reminded of those times when what I was doing felt exactly right and as if it was being supported by the universe. What I was doing wasn’t based on choices my ego made but rather was my ego being in the service of a presence larger than it. As much as I believe that, based on my personal experience and reading, trying to discern life direction from dreams and synchronicities is essential to living a meaningful life, I often have to deal with my resistance when the direction I discern requires making changes. There is that part of me who wants to hold on to the familiar. And holding on, of course, is the opposite of nonattachment.

And yet each time I recognize my resistance and, in spite of it, try to follow the direction I’ve been given, it feels right again. And I am given the gift of flowing with my changes.