“Agape love is . . . profound concern for the well-being of another, without any desire to control that other, to be thanked by that other, or to enjoy the process.”
This quote is by Madeleine L’Engle, a well-known author of works of adult and young adult fiction, nonfiction, and poetry.
I’ve written about agape love in some of my other posts, and of how it is a love that includes a sincere concern for the well-being of others, including people we have never met, not wanting to control others, and not expecting to be thanked for what we do. And that whatever we do as a result of our having agape love has the intention of benefiting people in some way. But L’Engle’s additional aspect that the person who has agape love might not necessarily enjoy the process is an aspect I had not seen referred to before. And yet I can see where that would fit many situations.
Agape love is manifested by our concern for others that leads to our giving of our abilities, time, and energy to help other people. Just three of numerous examples are volunteering to work at a food shelf, spending time with and reading to elderly people who live in assisted living facilities, and helping our neighbors to do a project. These examples very likely would include some enjoyment for ourselves when doing them. But there are times when we might feel tired or be extra busy on the days we’ve made the commitment to do these things and we would prefer to stay home; at those times we don’t enjoy the process (to use L’Engle’s word) as well as at other times.
And then I think about agape love in the form of social movements. Many people in the past gave not only of their time and energy but also put themselves in danger to work toward making other people’s lives better. People who helped slaves escape via the Underground Railroad, those who gave refuge to Jewish people in Nazi Germany, everyone who participated in the civil rights movement—these are just a few of the many examples. The women, men, and children who did these things had great courage and perseverance as well as love. And as a result of their heroic efforts, they helped individuals at the time and also helped bring about changes that have improved the lives of many people since.
And certainly there continue to be many causes where agape love is the basis for people’s efforts—social justice; affordable housing, healthcare, child care, and educational opportunities; safety for people being abused; climate change initiatives; and many other causes. Thankfully, people are using their abilities to further bring about change that will improve the lives of women, men, and children now and in the future.
I also find myself thinking about how writers of quality fiction and nonfiction have agape love as at least part of their motivation for writing. Those of us who read such books have experienced how writers enrich our lives. Through their works they are able to reach many people, adding to our knowledge, expanding our life experience, and giving us enjoyment. I respect writers for their creativity and skill, and also for their self-discipline and work ethic.
As each of us tries to grow in consciousness and to follow our individual paths, we need to endeavor to discern what it is that we are called to do. And then have agape love for others as we take the steps to try to do what we have discerned. What we are called to do is rarely easy and will include times when it will not be enjoyable—that’s true of the individuation process in general. And yet by following our path we will live a meaningful life, a life of value.