“Do not judge me by my success. Judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.”
This quote is by Nelson Mandela who lived in South Africa and was a lawyer, an anti-apartheid activist, and a politician. Before becoming the first president of South Africa in 1994, he had been imprisoned for 27 years after being sentenced for conspiring to overthrow the government because of his anti-apartheid activities. He certainly was an example of someone who got back up again, of someone who had resilience.
Resilience is a quality that makes it possible for us to face whatever difficulties come our way. We gain resilience each time we deal with difficulties, including learning through our experiences various ways to approach new challenges.
One of the most valuable things we can do for children is to help them to become more resilient. We can do this as parents with our own children and also as grandparents, teachers, coaches, day care employees—anyone who spends time with children in other capacities. I have read articles about research studies that have shown the positive effects of taking the time to listen to what children have to say, of reading to and with them, and of acknowledging their feelings. When children feel comfortable talking about their feelings with a caring and trusted adult and sharing, for example, when something has happened that makes them feel sad or frightened, it helps them become more resilient. It helps them in many other ways too because through such interactions they sense that they are valued.
When children tell us their feelings, we must not tell them or imply that they should just get over it. Instead, we should acknowledge the feelings they’ve shared with us. Such caring interactions help them to be better able to deal with difficulties when they are adults. And, according to the findings of research studies, such interactions decrease the potential for mental health and addiction problems to develop.
As Mandela says, it’s the times that we get back up again after something in life causes us to fall down that matter. We can all become more resilient ourselves and we can help others, including children, to develop this essential quality as well.