“The capacity for growth depends on one’s ability to internalize and to take personal responsibility. If we forever see our life as a problem caused by others, a problem to be ‘solved,’ then no change will occur.”
This quote is by James Hollis from his book The Middle Passage: From Misery to Meaning in Midlife. Hollis is a Jungian analyst, author, and speaker. I have read several of his books and highly recommend them to you.
Taking personal responsibility is one of the qualities of being a mature person. Being in the habit of blaming others is not.
As I write this, I am certainly aware that we are affected by the words and actions of other people, especially as children. The way that children are treated by their parents, caregivers, teachers, and other adults certainly influences their personalities, abilities, and self-esteem. That’s why it’s so important that children be raised in a nurturing environment. And, of course, there are times when we as adults are affected by the words and actions of others as well.
What I appreciate about Hollis’ words is that, in order for us to become persons who change in positive ways, we need to focus on moving forward despite past negative influences—moving forward so that change can occur. In some cases, including for those who didn’t grow up in a nurturing environment, meeting with a capable therapist can assist with the goal of taking personal responsibility for our lives. I believe that Jungian-based therapy is the most helpful therapeutic approach in this regard. What matters is that we do get started, because the change to which Hollis refers is what leads to living a more meaningful and purposeful life. A life where we contribute to that which makes our world better for others as well as for ourselves.
It’s concerning that certain influences in our society encourage blaming and not being accountable. There’s so much that is helpful and positive about the internet, but there are also websites and social media posts that do much harm. They glorify blaming others, including attacking others verbally or cheering on people who do that. Verbal attacks are more and more accepted it seems, to the detriment of all of us.
It’s also concerning that taking the easy route of seeing our life as a problem caused by others, to use Hollis’ words, is far too common. And then staying stuck there. It certainly can be true that one or more persons in our past treated us poorly. But unless we make the effort to move beyond thinking of our lives only through that lens, we will not grow and change. Taking responsibility for our lives can include acknowledging those past wrongdoings by others and then moving beyond them.
I’m not saying this is easy. I am saying it’s well worth the effort.