“Every human being, of whatever origin, of whatever station, deserves respect. We must each respect others even as we respect ourselves.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson
I recently attended a meeting of employees of the agency where I work as a crisis line counselor. The crisis line service is one of several programs of the agency. The meeting had been scheduled because a few employees felt that some administrative staff hadn’t addressed certain matters as those employees thought they should have. The goals of the meeting were to make it possible for all staff to hear each other’s points of view, to clarify misunderstandings, and to talk about possible procedural changes if it was determined such changes were needed.
Although the majority of employees who spoke at the meeting did so in a respectful way and showed empathy for those who were being criticized, I was surprised and disheartened by the way some employees expressed themselves. It was as if their goal was to verbally attack the administrative staff rather than to gain a better understanding of the perspectives of each person involved. Their overly critical and demeaning approach made me think about how assertiveness and aggressiveness are not the same. Assertiveness involves presenting one’s point of view in a respectful way. Aggressiveness involves trying to control others, putting one’s needs first, and not caring about the feelings and needs of others.
As I listened to the verbal attacks, I thought about how that way of acting is encouraged and applauded by certain websites, news outlets, politicians, and celebrities. Not all, thankfully, but some. And some is too many.
The behavior I observed at the meeting reflected what sometimes happens in other interactions, be they between two people in a relationship or between leaders of nations. But just as the majority of those employees who spoke at the meeting did so with integrity and empathy and with the intention of improving the agency, such a respectful approach is often true in many other situations where people discuss problems or concerns. That is hopeful. Because verbal attacks only cause harm. Nothing positive results from them.
Treating others with respect includes recognizing the basic dignity of every person, as is reflected in the quotation above by philosopher, abolitionist, and poet Ralph Waldo Emerson.