Author: Susan Schulte

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Driving Out Darkness

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” When I read these truths expressed by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., I thought about symbolism of light.

I picture a sunrise, the start of a new day. And how each new day is a new beginning and an opportunity to make good choices and do right actions. I think of the light of understanding, compassion, empathy, justice, and love. Just as the sunrise appears as the night ends and replaces the darkness with light, these qualities diminish and help to drive away close-mindedness, bigotry, complacency, selfishness, and hate.

History records many major movements where light drove out darkness: the end of slavery, peace accords, and civil rights and equal rights laws, to name a few. These achievements started with individual persons making choices and then working with others who had similar visions. It took courage, persistence, and empathy for the suffering of others. And those same qualities are needed today as we endeavor to make this a better world.

Each day each one of us can do our part to decrease where darkness is present. We do that by treating others with respect and by acting with integrity. We do that by trying to hear and follow our inner voice. And we do that through prayer and by growing in consciousness. Embrace each opportunity to add to the light and the love in our world.

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Inner Wholeness

“Our dreams seek to lead us to a kind of inner wholeness. But if we are to truly realize this inner wholeness it must be expressed in our outer life of work, relationships, love and commitment.” These words are from the book Dreams: God’s Forgotten Language by Jungian psychotherapist and Episcopal priest John A. Sanford. Dreams bring to conscious awareness information that helps us to grow toward the inner wholeness of which Sanford writes.

When a person reads about dream work and Jungian concepts, records in a journal his or her dreams and related thoughts and associations to dream images, and meets with a spiritual director or Jungian therapist, it might seem as though only that person benefits. And of course she or he does benefit. But Sanford makes clear that doing dream work and through it becoming a more conscious and whole person results in much more than individual personal growth. For becoming more genuine and grounded persons affects every aspect of our lives. It influences the work we are led to and how we approach that work, the people we know and love as well as all people with whom we interact, and the commitments we make, commitments that are based on direction we discern from our dreams, synchronicities, and other meaningful life experiences.

An example of inner wholeness being expressed in a person’s outer life in the form of work, commitment, and love for others is Sanford’s sharing of his knowledge through his writing. He chose to devote many hours to writing, while also being busy in his professions, first as a priest and then as an analyst, and also while raising a family, so that those of us who read his books will have more meaningful lives. This is true of other writers as well who write about concepts that matter, thereby helping those of us who read their books as we try to follow our paths to wholeness.

Our world is comprised of negative and positive, ugly and beautiful, evil and genuine goodness. By endeavoring to realize inner wholeness, we add to what is positive, beautiful, and good, both for ourselves and for others.

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Growing in Consciousness

“Every new breakthrough into consciousness has to struggle against opposition from human egocentricity and conventionality.” This quote is from John A. Sanford’s book Dreams: God’s Forgotten Language. Dr. Sanford was a Jungian analyst, Episcopal priest, and author of several books, many of which were about Christianity, spirituality, and Jungian psychological concepts, and their interrelationship. This quote points out two of the most common challenges people face as they try to grow in consciousness.

It is difficult for most, and possibly all, people to make changes. It’s especially difficult when the ideas for what to change and how to change come from a source other than ourselves. Growing in consciousness occurs as we hear our inner voice. Doing our best to follow the direction we are given by our inner voice requires courage and sacrifice. The “human egocentricity” to which Sanford refers gets in the way—questioning, wanting the direction to be different, wanting change to be easier. Each new breakthrough into consciousness is another step that leads to a more genuine and centered way of experiencing life, and thus to having a more meaningful life. It requires recognizing that our egos are not the most important part of our psyches. The self, to use Jung’s term, or the inner voice, to use a more spiritual term, is far more important.

Growing in consciousness leads toward our becoming the unique persons we were created to be, which results in living more purposeful lives. Being unique means not automatically doing what most people do, not “following the crowd.” There are times when following our own paths feels uncomfortable and even painful. Quite often people we know don’t necessarily like the changes they see in us and they let us know that either overtly or in more subtle ways. They are part of the “opposition from conventionality” about which Sanford writes.

As difficult as these forms of opposition are, doing our best to follow our path is what will bring a sense of peace and purpose. We only need to look at the problems of modern society to see that egocentricity and conventionality do not lead to happiness and calm. In addition to a sense of peace, growing in consciousness helps to develop compassion, selflessness, and wisdom—qualities that truly do matter.

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A Note of Appreciation and Thanks

As I have written in other posts, my elderly mother has lived in an assisted living apartment for about six years. Both she and I are thankful she was able to live independently in her home until she was 94 years old. She is now 100, which is quite amazing. However, as a result of both cognitive and physical changes this past year, my mother requires considerably more assistance from staff than she did the first few years living there.

I would like to say thank you to staff who work at assisted living facilities and nursing homes. There are aspects of their jobs that are very difficult and other aspects that are mundane and repetitive. Staff need to have patience, such as when they feed and bathe people who can no longer do those things for themselves. At other times staff need to act quickly, such as when helping someone who has fallen and been injured. Employees at these facilities do not earn very much money and yet the services they provide are essential. For we count on them to take care of the people we love who can no longer take care of themselves.

As in all occupations, some employees are more invested in what they do and more able to carry out their job duties well. So I am realistic and I do not suggest that all assisted living and nursing home staff are equally dedicated, qualified, and skilled. But many do have those qualities. I’m always impressed at how some of the staff are as positive as they are. They are “naturals” at doing the work they do. Their cheerfulness makes it nicer for the people they care for and helps them to feel better. For this I am very thankful.

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Inner Source of Wisdom

In his book Dreams: God’s Forgotten Language, Jungian analyst and Episcopalian priest John A. Sanford writes: “There lives within us what seems like an unconscious source of wisdom which helps us to see ourselves in a different perspective from what we had before and seems to work toward the healing and wholeness of the personality. This wisdom uses dreams as communications, and it enables us to understand consciously those symbolic messages.”

It wasn’t until I was in my late 30s and met with a Jungian therapist for help during a difficult period in my life that I became aware of dreams having meaning. Before that when I remembered a dream, I didn’t think much about it. Dreams were just something that happened sometimes when a person was sleeping.

Learning about how dreams speak to us through their symbols and stories has been life-transforming for me. Although what a dream is saying is not always clear to me, I honor each one by writing it in my dream journal. Dreams can have various levels of meaning. Sometimes I have an initial sense of a dream’s possible message, and a day or two later a thought will come to me that perhaps the dream meant something in addition to that first impression. And sometimes a different meaning from what I first thought will come to mind. I have learned from reading the writings of Jungian analysts, who have had years of experience doing dream work with their clients, that what I have described is common when trying to discern a dream’s message. Those times when something “comes to mind” or “a thought comes to me” are the times I am most able to hear my inner voice, the source of wisdom of which Sanford writes.

The title Sanford chose for his book is significant. Many dreams appear in both the Old and New Testaments and in sacred literature of other faith traditions. And yet most people, including clergy, do not accept the importance of dreams even as they consider the Bible to be the basis for their religious beliefs. It’s as if people choose which of God’s words they want to believe and decide to ignore the other ways God speaks to us. In so doing, they severely limit their ability to grow toward their Creator-given potential.

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Dealing with Anxiety

In my work as a crisis line counselor, people sometimes call because they are feeling anxious and are looking for help to deal with those feelings. Some people experience anxiety daily or almost daily, including having panic attacks. Many people who have this level of anxiety see a therapist and/or a psychiatrist and they often take prescribed medication.

For others, the anxiety is more situational. Many life events can cause stress. Perhaps they’re worried they won’t meet an upcoming deadline, perhaps someone they care about is going through a difficult time and they feel limited in their ability to help that person, perhaps there is a disagreement where resolution doesn’t seem possible—these are just a few of the life happenings that can lead to feelings of anxiety.

I am fortunate that I don’t have chronic anxiety, but there have been times when I’ve felt anxious. One of those times was when my father was seriously ill and receiving hospice care. He was often on my mind, and sometimes I would wake up at night feeling on edge and would have trouble falling asleep again. I also found myself worrying about my mother, being concerned about how she was coping during that sad and difficult period.

Crisis line counselors are trained to try to help callers to do what they are able to in the moment. In assessing callers’ needs based on what they have shared with us, we may ask if they have considered seeing a therapist, for therapists are the professionals who can assist when longer term help is indicated. In the moment, trying coping techniques is what is possible. Some coping skills that often help people to be calmer are doing breathing techniques, listening to music, writing in a journal, drawing or coloring, and exercising. Some people are able to “distract” from thoughts that are adding to the anxiety by watching a lighthearted video or doing a household chore.

What matters is being willing to try some of these self-care approaches. Many people have told me they didn’t think doing any of the coping techniques would help and were surprised that they did help. Even if the anxiety doesn’t totally diminish, by taking some steps people were able to decrease the intensity of their anxious feelings. And to feel good about their ability to do so.

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Authentic Human Connection

“By setting aside time every day, we can leave the pixelated wilds and rest at least for a little while in a place of unplugged, authentic human connection.” This quote from author Meghan Cox Gurdon’s book The Enchanted Hour: The Miraculous Power of Reading Aloud in the Age of Distraction, is referring to setting aside time to read to children. As I wrote in a recent post, Ms. Cox Gurdon’s book presents many compelling reasons to make this commitment.

This quote also reminds me of how “unplugged, authentic human connection” is important in all relationships. Too often we see, such as in a restaurant, a family or a couple sitting together but each person, adults as well as children, is looking at his or her phone. There is no interaction among them. There are also many times when children try to get a parent’s attention, but the parent continues looking at the phone and ignoring the children or telling them to wait. These are just two of the many examples of people choosing technology over human connection.

I want to be clear that I’m truly amazed at and appreciative of advances in technology. I value the many useful features of smart phones, computers, and the internet and the way they have improved our lives. And I understand there are times when people need to check if they’ve received an email or voicemail message that needs a response. But I am concerned about the negative consequences when people spend so much time using technology that they don’t realize it is at the cost of not having genuine connections with people. I’m not alone in having this concern; many articles have been written about this topic.

When I think of authenticity, I also think of the Jungian concept of individuation. Individuation is the life-long process of becoming the unique persons we were each created to be by growing in consciousness. As people become more conscious and centered, they become more genuine and trustworthy and therefore more authentic. These are qualities that matter in interactions with the people we know and love and also with everyone with whom we interact.

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Giving Children the Gift of Reading

I have been enjoying reading author Meghan Cox Gurdon’s book The Enchanted Hour: The Miraculous Power of Reading Aloud in the Age of Distraction.

As a parent, I knew intuitively that reading to my daughter when she was a child would be an expression of my love and a way to show her that she mattered. I also knew it would help her to become a better reader and improve her ability to express herself. By being introduced through stories to people, places, and experiences outside of her day-to-day surroundings and interactions with others, she would gain a larger vocabulary and knowledge of the world.

Ms. Cox Gurdon’s book confirms what I experienced by reading to my daughter and in addition has added much to my knowledge about how children gain from being read to by others. The author writes about her personal experience reading to her children, presents findings of many research studies, and shares what she learned from her interviews with experts in child development and related fields. For example, studies have shown that children listening to audiobooks by themselves gain very little as compared to being read to by someone in person. Similarly, research shows that electronic reading toys and tablets have few benefits. Parents and caregivers should not be influenced by misleading advertising that suggests otherwise.

It is recommended that reading to children begin when they are babies. Some adults might question this because babies are too young to understand the actual words. But research has shown that listening to reading causes connections to take place in children’s brains even at a very young age, and of course the physical closeness to the person holding them as they are reading is a valuable nurturing experience.

Another fact that made an impression on me was that it is not only the reading of the words of the book that has a positive influence, but also that looking at the illustrations adds to what a child takes in. There are and have been for many years numerous talented illustrators of children’s books. Talking to children about what they see in the illustrations, and pointing to objects, people, animals, etc. that appear on the pages, add to children’s knowledge and to the enjoyable interaction.

The author sums up her experience of reading to her children as well as what she learned in researching her book in this way: “Reading every day with children can’t guarantee perfect outcomes for any family—not in grades, not in happiness, not in relationships. But it is as close to a miracle product as we can buy, and it doesn’t cost a nickel. As a flawed, fallible person with an imperfect temper, I know that reading every night is not just the nicest thing I’ve done with my children but represents, without question, the best I have been able to give them as their mother.”

I encourage parents, guardians, grandparents, and others who have close relationships with children to share the gift of reading with those children. The benefits are great, both for those being read to and for those doing the reading.

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Understanding Ourselves

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” This quote by C.G. Jung is a succinct reminder of his psychological concept of projection and of how we can learn about ourselves by being aware that projection occurs. Projection can be defined as attributing an element of our personality to another person or group. We project negative as well as positive qualities. Projection occurs unconsciously—we cannot control whether and when it happens. But we can try to notice when it does.

Last summer I was at an outdoor farmers market looking at the various stands of fruits, vegetables, and flowers. There were a lot of people there, all of us walking along and stopping to select items to buy, and also enjoying being outside on a pretty summer day. Suddenly I heard someone near me make a deprecating, racist remark, and I saw a man who had an angry look on his face. I also saw that the man had directed his words to two men of a different race than himself. The two men had enough character to ignore the man and walk past him.

The man’s words, tone of voice, and facial expression made it clear he was a rageful and self-righteous person. And my witnessing this incident caused me to think about projection. I’ve read works by several authors who attribute racism to projection. It’s clear the man had no idea that he was projecting a negative aspect of himself onto others. He did not know the two men as individuals; he automatically thought of them as hateful based only on the fact that the color of their skin was different from his.

It is incredibly sad how racism and other forms of bigotry are modeled by some parents, caretakers, and public figures. What a difference it would make if more people knew about and embraced the reality of projection and then made an effort to learn from it. By doing so, they would grow in self-awareness that would lead to positive changes within themselves and in the ways they influence others.

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Holding On to Faith

One of many writers whose writing has enriched my life and helped to shape my worldview is C.S. Lewis. I’m impressed by the creative ways he approaches writing about truths, both through his fiction and nonfiction works. Among his books for which he is best known are The Chronicles of Narnia, a series of seven books generally considered to be children’s literature. They, however, speak to adults as well—as is the case for much children’s literature. Lewis is also known as a Christian apologist, someone who supports the teachings of Christianity with clear, understandable explanations and reasoning. Some of his best known works of this type are Mere Christianity, The Problem of Pain, and Miracles.

One of Lewis’ fiction works, The Screwtape Letters, is an excellent example of his ability to present truths in a creative manner. The two main characters are Screwtape, who is a senior devil who has a lot of experience doing evil, and Wormwood, who is a junior devil whom Screwtape mentors and who is also Screwtape’s nephew. Christian teachings are looked at from the devils’ points of view, and Screwtape refers to God as “the enemy” throughout the book.

One of the many thought-provoking passages in the book is when Screwtape says to his trainee Wormwood: “Be not deceived, Wormwood, our cause is never more in jeopardy than when a human, no longer desiring but still intending to do our enemy’s will, looks round upon a universe in which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.”

When I read that quote I thought of how Screwtape’s words are a perfect definition of faith: for a person to continue to strive to obey, to continue to try to follow what that person believes to be right and just, even during those times of feeling alone spiritually. To hold on to one’s beliefs and faith when they are most challenged. There are many things that happen each day and there have been throughout the history of humankind that can lead to questioning and doubts. What matters most is to hold on to that gift of faith.