Author: Susan Schulte

“The capacity for empathy leads to a genuine encounter—we have to progress toward this culture of encounter—in which heart speaks to heart.”

This quote is by Pope Francis, the present Pope of the Roman Catholic Church.

Empathy is one of the most valuable qualities each of us can possess.  A basic definition of empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.  Pope Francis adds depth to this definition, particularly with his words “genuine encounter” and “heart speaks to heart.”

Being empathic is a gift we give to others.  When people share with us something they are struggling with, our ability to communicate our empathy is the most helpful thing we can do.  We do this by listening to them without distraction and by sensing from what they have told us what it must be like to experience what they are sharing.  This is the genuine encounter of which Pope Francis speaks.

A friend once told me about an experience she had that illustrates empathy.  She was feeling sadness and disappointment because she hadn’t been hired for a job for which she was highly qualified and for which she had been one of the candidates called back for a second interview.  When she shared with friends that she hadn’t been offered the job, some had responded by saying perhaps it was for the best or that she would most likely eventually get a job she liked just as well.  She told me she knew her friends meant well and that these statements might be true, but at the time they weren’t helpful.  Then she told me about another friend whose reaction was to spontaneously say “damn it” with great emphasis.  My friend told me that this friend’s heart-felt reaction caused her to feel understood, supported, and cared for.  It was an example of heart speaking to heart.

Having the ability to be empathic is not only essential to being present with people we know and care about, it also can extend more broadly to others.  The more that people have empathy about the life situations of other people in our world, the greater is the possibility that positive change can occur.  There would be less racism, sexism, ageism, and intolerance of every kind if more of us made the effort to put ourselves in other people’s places.  When I read Pope Francis’ words that we have to progress toward a culture of encounter, I thought about this more expansive effect of empathy.

Each of us should try our best to have empathy for others.  By doing so, we help people we know and care about and we also add to that which is positive in our world.

“Have patience with all things.  But, first of all with yourself.”

This quote is by Saint Francis de Sales who lived in the 15th and 16th Centuries and was a Catholic prelate and the Bishop of Geneva.  He was also known for his writing about religious and spiritual topics.

Patience is one of those qualities that can be hard to come by and, therefore, that we should work at developing.  We tend to want to have quick solutions to problems and to complete tasks or projects so they’re off our minds.  But the reality is that quick solutions and fast completion of projects are often not possible, and we need to be more accepting of that reality.

There are frequently times when we need to be patient with other people.  When we find ourselves having difficulty being patient, it can be helpful to put ourselves in the other person’s place and treat her or him as we would want to be treated.  I think about an older person driving more slowly than we think they should but who needs to do that in order to drive safely.  Or a store clerk who isn’t checking out our order as fast as we want them to but who might be new at the job.  We can never know the full picture of other people’s situations, and they deserve to be given the benefit of the doubt.

Being patient is especially important when dealing with children.  We need to keep in mind children’s developmental levels and to not have expectations for them to respond or act in ways that they are not able to until they’ve reached certain developmental levels.

And, as Saint Francis points out, we need to be patient with ourselves.  Part of being human is that there will be times when we will make mistakes and have regrets.  Thankfully, we can learn from our mistakes and, where possible, address regrets, such as by apologizing to someone we realize we inadvertently hurt or by explaining a misunderstanding.  We also need to be patient with ourselves as we try to make positive changes, to grow in consciousness, and to listen to our inner voice.  Remember to take things a step at a time and recognize that there will be times when we will need to repeat a step.

People’s impatience not only causes them stress, which is unhealthy for them, but it also is hurtful to others.  If we truly believe in the importance of fairness and caring about the wellbeing of others, we need to notice when we are being impatient, to not give ourselves excuses for that, to take a deep breath or two, and to remind ourselves to be calm.  And then to be patient with and forgive ourselves.  Everyone with whom we interact and each of us will benefit from our efforts.

“I’m a little pencil in the hand of a writing God, who is sending a love letter to the world.”

This quote is by Mother Teresa, a person who gave of herself as an individual and through the charitable organizations she founded that have assisted and continue to assist people experiencing some of life’s most difficult situations, including poverty and end-of-life illness.

There is a simplicity in the image Mother Teresa’s words portray, and yet her words express essential truths.  By being “a little pencil” in God’s hand, she—and, by extension, each of us—has a story to live given to us by our Creator.  That story consists of our Creator’s plan for us, and each day we should endeavor to discern and then to act on what that plan for us is.

Some of the ways to try to discern our Creator’s will are by paying attention to the symbols and stories of our dreams, being watchful of when psychological projection might be happening, noting possible meanings of unexpected occurrences, paying attention to intuitive promptings, and praying for God’s help as we make decisions and in all that we do.

Mother Teresa saying God “is sending a love letter to the world” is a reminder of our Creator’s love for us.  And that God works through us to share that love with others.  Love is expressed in many ways.  Some of those ways are by having empathy for others, being patient, acting with integrity, and being generous with our time and our abilities.  Sometimes our love for someone is shown by being assertive when that is what is needed.  There is agape love for people we don’t know as well as the more personal love we have for spouses and partners, our children and grandchildren.

By being open to our Creator working through us, we are instruments of Divine love.  We are part of the “love letter” from our Creator to the world.

“Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness.”

This quote is by Seneca who was a Roman philosopher, statesman, and dramatist.  His words are a reminder that there are many opportunities to be kind to others—in fact, as many opportunities as there are people in our world.

It’s wonderful to see the effects of kind actions.  Recently, one of my coworkers who has a garden brought vegetables to work to share with us.  It’s the time of the year when many of the vegetables are ready to harvest, and he brought tomatoes, green beans, and zucchini.  For those of us who don’t have our own yards or the time to do gardening, the fresh vegetables were a welcome gift.  His thoughtfulness and generosity brightened our day.

I’m impressed and hopeful when I read or hear about more newsworthy acts of kindness.  And yet how special it is that each of us can show kindness throughout each day in our interactions with others.  As with all qualities that matter, our ability to be kind is a gift from our Creator.  We share that gift with others when we treat them with kindness and we are recipients of that gift when we are treated with kindness by others.

I’m thankful for the many people who are kind to others on a regular basis.  What a difference it would make in our world if even more people were.

“I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.”

This quote is by Helen Keller, a woman who when she was 19 months old had an illness that resulted in her becoming both blind and deaf.  With the assistance and companionship of her teacher, Anne Sullivan, Helen learned to read, write, and speak.  She eventually became a famous author, speaker, and philanthropist who positively affected the lives of many people.

Helen Keller’s words are a reminder that many of the things we do have significance.  It might be that our life path includes working toward a “great and noble task.”  If that’s the case, it’s essential that we put forth the effort and do our best to follow our inner guidance as we take the steps required for that.

It is often the case, however, that our lives are made up of doing what might be termed “small tasks.”  Small tasks as well as large tasks require us to make it a priority to try to discern what our inner voice wants us to do and then to do our best to follow the direction we’ve been given.  Making the effort of discernment is itself a noble task.

When I think of small tasks, I think of many of those things we do daily:  showing our spouses or partners, our children, and other loved ones that we care about them through our actions and our words; acting with integrity; being generous with our time; and helping others.  I think of being responsible, including doing quality work at our jobs.  There are times when we need to be patient, times when we need to be assertive, times when we need to have courage, and times when we need to do creative problem solving.  These and many other ways of being are certainly “small tasks” that are “great and noble.”

“Do not judge me by my success.  Judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.”

This quote is by Nelson Mandela who lived in South Africa and was a lawyer, an anti-apartheid activist, and a politician.  Before becoming the first president of South Africa in 1994, he had been imprisoned for 27 years after being sentenced for conspiring to overthrow the government because of his anti-apartheid activities.  He certainly was an example of someone who got back up again, of someone who had resilience.

Resilience is a quality that makes it possible for us to face whatever difficulties come our way.  We gain resilience each time we deal with difficulties, including learning through our experiences various ways to approach new challenges.

One of the most valuable things we can do for children is to help them to become more resilient.  We can do this as parents with our own children and also as grandparents, teachers, coaches, day care employees—anyone who spends time with children in other capacities.  I have read articles about research studies that have shown the positive effects of taking the time to listen to what children have to say, of reading to and with them, and of acknowledging their feelings.  When children feel comfortable talking about their feelings with a caring and trusted adult and sharing, for example, when something has happened that makes them feel sad or frightened, it helps them become more resilient.  It helps them in many other ways too because through such interactions they sense that they are valued.

When children tell us their feelings, we must not tell them or imply that they should just get over it.  Instead, we should acknowledge the feelings they’ve shared with us.  Such caring interactions help them to be better able to deal with difficulties when they are adults.  And, according to the findings of research studies, such interactions decrease the potential for mental health and addiction problems to develop.

As Mandela says, it’s the times that we get back up again after something in life causes us to fall down that matter.  We can all become more resilient ourselves and we can help others, including children, to develop this essential quality as well.

“Perseverance, secret of all triumphs.”

This quote is by Victor Hugo, a French politician and author who is best known for his novels Les Miserables and The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

Whenever I hear or read about someone or a group of people who have persevered, who have continued to strive despite difficulties and challenges, I find myself admiring them.  When I think of persevering, I usually think of accomplishments such as a person overcoming an addiction, someone going through treatment for a serious illness, the people who sacrificed their energy and time in the Civil Rights movement, and people rebuilding their home after it was destroyed by a natural disaster.  There are many other examples of people doing what is needed and not succumbing to the part of us that questions whether we can keep putting forth the effort.

It is important to recognize that perseverance is necessary in more day-to-day situations also.  Doing our best as parents to care for, be patient with, and spend quality time with our children; consistently making an effort to do well at our jobs; caretaking elderly parents; trying to be persons of integrity; and endeavoring to become more conscious all require perseverance as well.  Not giving up, not taking the easy way.

I think of my coworker who two years ago, when she was only 29 years old, was diagnosed with a type of cancer that is more difficult to treat than some other types.  She has endured the discomfort and sometimes pain caused by the cancer and also by the various courses of treatment, and she has persevered.  She attributes her ability to not give up to having loving and supportive people in her life and to the gift of faith she has been given.  She often expresses gratitude to the Creator for both.

I think of young women and men starting their first full-time jobs, getting used to this new aspect of being adults, and learning the work requirements, including the difficulty of sometimes learning by making mistakes.

I think of parents raising their children, making it a priority to spend time with them even after a long day at work; trying to be a good example for them; making decisions about what is best for them; and so many other aspects of parenting that require perseverance.

Victor Hugo’s quote speaks of triumphs.  Sometimes there are small triumphs along the way—my friend experiencing a reprieve when her cancer symptoms are easier to tolerate, a young adult feeling pleased about completing a project at work, parents seeing their love for their children reflected back to them by their children’s smiles and hugs–and seeing what a miracle their children are.

Doing what we need to do to persevere in various life situations is part of living a full and meaningful life.