Category: PersonalGrowth

“Manifest plainness,
Embrace simplicity,
Reduce selfishness,
Have few desires.”

This quote is from one of the writings of Lau Tzu.  Lau Tzu was a Chinese sage and philosopher who was born in the 6th century BC.  He is considered to be the founder of Taoism and is generally credited as the author of the Tao Te Ching.

In reading Lau Tzu’s words, I can’t help but notice how they offer guidance which is directly contrary to that which is promoted by many aspects of modern American culture.  Much of what is on the internet, many movies and TV shows, and abundant advertising emphasize accumulating more belongings, having larger homes, upgrading to the latest technology, going on expensive vacations, and so on.

I respect the guidance of the entire quote, but in this post I’m going to focus on the words “Reduce selfishness.”  Each of us can do this by considering the needs of others rather than focusing only on our needs and wants.  Hopefully, we are already doing this within our families and regarding other loved ones.  But we can extend our endeavor to be less selfish by keeping in mind the needs of other people we don’t know, for we are all part of the human family.  And by keeping in mind the many worthy causes that help to improve the lives of others.  One way to support such programs is by volunteering our time, abilities, and talents. Another is by donating money to help those programs to continue to assist others.  Among the numerous additional ways to be generous with our time are visiting people who are in assisted living programs, nursing homes, and hospitals; being mentors to new employees at our jobs; and helping with fundraisers for activities in which our children participate—the list goes on and on.

Selfishness is also present on societal and national levels.  Legislators who pass laws that favor wealthy people and corporations; decisions to not fund programs that provide services, including health, nutrition, and educational services, to people in our own country who cannot otherwise afford those services and also to those who live in poor countries; and policies that deny or downplay the dangers of climate change are some of the many ways wealthier countries are selfish.

There’s another phenomenon to consider regarding selfishness.  In dealing with our tendency to overdo accumulating belongings, we should ask ourselves whether our desire (and sometimes compulsion) to have more and more materially might be a substitute for satisfying inner needs of which we are unaware.  For this often underlies such behavior.  It is essential to try to discern the guidance of our inner voice in order to make changes that lead to personal growth, which naturally includes becoming more generous.  Doing so will be far more meaningful and fulfilling than the temporary gratification we feel when we acquire additional material items.

All of us need to look within and acknowledge the ways we are selfish and then to make efforts to become more selfless.  By doing so, we will “reduce selfishness,” as Lau Tzu encourages us to do.  And by doing so, we will share the gifts of time, abilities, and talents that have been given to us by our Creator and thus will do what we are called to do.

“Let gratitude be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayer.  And let faith be the bridge you build to overcome evil and welcome good.”

This quote is by Maya Angelou, who was a poet, singer, and civil rights activist.  In her quote, Angelou talks about gratitude and faith—two of the most valuable gifts we can have.

We can never have too much gratitude.  It’s easy to take for granted our abilities, our health, the opportunities we’ve had, that there are people who love us, and so much more.  Our ego attitude might be that we have earned or are somehow deserving of these aspects of our lives.  If so, we are wrong, for they are all entirely gifts from our Creator.

One of the many things for which I’m thankful is that I’ve had good health throughout my life.  I’ve been fortunate that I haven’t had a serious illness or injury which required me to be in the hospital or to need to undergo extensive treatment.  A couple months ago I had pneumonia for the first time.  In addition to congestion, a fever, and a persistent, deep cough, another of its symptoms was fatigue.  For almost three weeks I needed to sleep more hours each day than I was awake; the doctor who diagnosed the illness said that was to be expected and to not push myself to be active until my body was ready.  And that also meant missing three weeks of work.

I would catch myself feeling sorry for myself and at times feeling frustrated that I needed to miss so much work and that I couldn’t do my usual activities, including spending time with loved ones.  I was so used to being healthy that I had difficulty accepting my illness.  But then I’d remember the many people in our world who endure far more serious and long-lasting illnesses and other burdens, and I felt ashamed of my self-centered attitude.  I am well again and the experience has made me even more thankful for good health, and hopefully it also taught me to be more accepting of life’s challenges.

Angelou also talks about faith.  Having faith helps us in many ways.  Because faith is based on spiritual discernment rather than on proof, it enables us to better deal with the unknown.  Our belief in God reminds us that we are not alone on our earthly journey.  Faith accompanies us as we do our best to deal with difficulties that are part of everyone’s life from time to time, and faith is also a source of hope and meaning in our lives.

Each day we should recognize our many blessings and give thanks to our Creator for them, including giving thanks for the gift of faith.

“Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person.”

This quote is by Mother Teresa.  Since I began writing my blog several years ago, I have chosen other quotes by her a number of times as a basis for my posts.  There’s a kind of “quiet strength” in the way she approached life that is reflected in her words, a quiet strength that is meaningful to me.

Mother Teresa often spoke and wrote about the fact that each person’s efforts have value. That is the case once again in her words “do it alone, person to person.”  Every time we treat another person with dignity, kindness, and empathy, we make that person’s life better as an individual, and in addition we increase that which is positive in our world.  And by treating each other in this way, we are also doing one of the things we were created to do.

Although each act of caring matters in itself, there is also the cumulative effect of such person-to-person interactions.  Mother Teresa refers to this in some of her other quotes too.  An example is when she says “the ocean would be less because of that missing drop” where she uses the metaphor of each act of kindness as being a drop of water.  Just as every drop of water makes up the huge ocean, every positive word and action add to that which has value in our world.

Once again, I’m reminded of how essential it is to grow in consciousness so that we become more and more able to follow inner direction. For inner direction guides us in our day-to-day words and actions.  Through its guidance, we are led to those things we were created to do.

So heed Mother Teresa’s words:  Don’t wait for others; do it alone, person to person.

“The highest result of education is tolerance.”

This quote is by Helen Keller, who when she was 19 months old had an illness that caused her to become blind and deaf.  With the assistance and companionship of her teacher, Anne Sullivan, Helen learned to read, write, and speak, and eventually she became a famous author, speaker, and philanthropist who positively affected the lives of many people.

Tolerance, along with empathy, compassion, and courage, is a quality that each one of us should strive to develop.  Those four qualities, although not synonymous, have a connection with each other.  When we have empathy for other people, we are able to have a sense of what they are experiencing and of their feelings related to what they are experiencing.  This helps us to be tolerant of our differences.  Having compassion for others works in a similar way.  And sometimes it takes courage to be tolerant of people who have different viewpoints, priorities, and traditions from ours, such as when our being tolerant in certain situations is not accepted by friends or family members.

When I first read Keller’s quote, I thought of her use of the word education as referring to learning that takes place in school.  It is important that children be exposed to examples of tolerance throughout their elementary and secondary schooling.  Having teachers who are tolerant, reading stories where the characters show this quality, and learning in history classes about people who were tolerant in the past helps students to learn to have tolerance.

But I also thought about education in the broader sense, for all of us have opportunities to learn each day of our lives.  The words and actions of our parents and other people who influenced us when we were children and teens; the interactions we have with others as adults; the reading we do—whether it be news articles, novels, or other genres.  All are sources of education and provide possibilities of learning about people who model tolerance in their words and actions.

It concerns me and many other people that being tolerant isn’t valued by some people.  As much as I appreciate the numerous positive aspects of the internet, one of its negative aspects is the presence of websites where intolerant views are expressed, often based on ignorance of the truth, misinformation, and/or lies.  This is one of many reasons we need to be watchful of what children and teens are viewing and to make possible activities and books and other alternatives to being online.  And to do the same for ourselves.

Although much of value can be and is gained as a result of education in its various forms, I agree with Helen Keller that learning to be tolerant is a very valuable result.

“There’s only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.”

This quote is by Aldous Huxley, who was an English writer and philosopher.  He wrote poetry, essays, and many books.

It’s a common human trait to want other people to change, including people who disagree with us, who act in ways we don’t consider to be acceptable, or with whom we feel uncomfortable because of our differences.  And there are times when our wanting other people to change is based on our sincere concern for them, such as someone we are close to who is addicted to a substance and ideally should start a treatment program or someone who shows clear signs of depression and who ideally should seek help by meeting with a therapist.

And yet, as Huxley says, the only person who each of us can improve is ourself.  We can encourage others, we can try to be good examples by modeling healthy behaviors, we might even be able to have some influence on helping others make changes that will benefit them.  But we cannot cause other people to change, for adults must make that decision for themselves.  And then make the effort that will lead to the changes they are seeking.  No one else can do that for them.

In my work as a crisis line counselor, I sometimes receive calls from people expressing sadness and/or frustration with their spouse or partner, saying how they wish that person would change, and wondering what they can do to cause their spouse or partner to change.  It’s hard to accept that we can’t change others.  What we can do is to try to be understanding and open-minded, and perhaps try to have a conversation with that person about our concerns.

As far as improving ourselves, all of us have areas that need improvement.  If we don’t recognize that, we’re not being honest with ourselves.  One of those areas for many of us has to do with our physical health:  eating nutritiously, exercising, having a healthy weight, getting sufficient sleep, and stopping smoking or using drugs.  Improvement in these areas not only decreases our chance of becoming seriously ill, but also improves our emotional and mental health.

Other ways we can make changes that will benefit ourselves and others are by becoming better listeners; starting or increasing the ways we try to help our environment by recycling, composting, and being aware of when we’re wasting energy; and having gratitude for all that is good in our lives, noticing those things we take for granted and instead recognizing how fortunate we are.

So as we try to make improvements in ourselves, we need to remember to take things a step at a time and be patient with ourselves.  To use Huxley’s words, work on that “one corner of the universe” who is you.

“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.”

This quote is by Jack Kornfield, a writer and teacher of American Theravada Buddhism and mindfulness meditation.

Compassion is one of the most valuable qualities we can possess.  Whenever we have encountered people in our lives who have treated us with compassion, we have been very fortunate.  We have also been fortunate if we have been among people who show compassion for others, for their example has helped us to be more compassionate toward others as well.

As those of you who have read my posts know, I emphasize the importance of trying to follow our individual spiritual paths.  I have also written about how learning about the concepts of Jungian psychology has helped me and many others in our efforts to do that.  Noticing and trying to discern the possible meanings of synchronicities, writing down and contemplating our dreams, being watchful of when projection might have occurred and trying to ascertain what it might be telling us about ourselves—these are some of the many ways the findings of Carl Jung and the writings of others about Jungian psychology have assisted us.

By endeavoring to follow our individual paths, we are better able to become aware of the importance of caring about and helping others, for becoming more whole is not just for our own spiritual and emotional wellbeing.  Through inner work, we are also given direction to the ways that we are to help other people during our earthly journeys.  And it is essential that the way we treat others is also how we treat ourselves.  For as Kornfield says, compassion is not complete if it does not also include having compassion for ourselves.  This includes forgiving ourselves when we make mistakes, encouraging ourselves as we try to correct those mistakes, if possible, and also to learn from them, comforting ourselves when we are grieving or experiencing other difficulties, and being patient with ourselves.

So the next time you find yourself being hard on yourself or in other ways not being compassionate toward yourself, recall Jack Kornfield’s words.  I know I will be keeping them in mind.

“If you can’t feed a hundred people, feed just one.”

This quote is by Mother Teresa, who devoted her life to helping people in need.  She and others who worked in the charitable organizations she founded helped people who were living in poverty, provided care to people dying from terminal illnesses, and in many other ways treated people in need with dignity.

I appreciate Mother Teresa’s words because they are another way of expressing the truth that every effort we make to do what is right and good has value.  When that includes feeding the hungry, that certainly has value.  But I think of Mother Teresa’s use of the word “feed” as having a more expansive meaning, of referring to giving in many contexts:  having compassion, treating people with respect, being patient, assisting others, treating people fairly, being generous.

Whenever we act in a caring way toward others, it matters.  Sometimes that will be with just one person, at other times more.  Similarly, whenever we put effort into working on a task or project that has the purpose of helping others in some way, that has value too—whether it benefits many people or just one.

Endeavoring to follow our spiritual path helps us to discern the ways that we can do what we were created to do.  And keeping in mind Mother Teresa’s words of wisdom, which are based on loving kindness for others, will help us to follow our path.

“Agape love is . . . profound concern for the well-being of another, without any desire to control that other, to be thanked by that other, or to enjoy the process.”

This quote is by Madeleine L’Engle, a well-known author of works of adult and young adult fiction, nonfiction, and poetry.

I’ve written about agape love in some of my other posts, and of how it is a love that includes a sincere concern for the well-being of others, including people we have never met, not wanting to control others, and not expecting to be thanked for what we do.  And that whatever we do as a result of our having agape love has the intention of benefiting people in some way.  But L’Engle’s additional aspect that the person who has agape love might not necessarily enjoy the process is an aspect I had not seen referred to before.  And yet I can see where that would fit many situations.

Agape love is manifested by our concern for others that leads to our giving of our abilities, time, and energy to help other people.  Just three of numerous examples are volunteering to work at a food shelf, spending time with and reading to elderly people who live in assisted living facilities, and helping our neighbors to do a project.  These examples very likely would include some enjoyment for ourselves when doing them.  But there are times when we might feel tired or be extra busy on the days we’ve made the commitment to do these things and we would prefer to stay home; at those times we don’t enjoy the process (to use L’Engle’s word) as well as at other times.

And then I think about agape love in the form of social movements.  Many people in the past gave not only of their time and energy but also put themselves in danger to work toward making other people’s lives better.  People who helped slaves escape via the Underground Railroad, those who gave refuge to Jewish people in Nazi Germany, everyone who participated in the civil rights movement—these are just a few of the many examples.  The women, men, and children who did these things had great courage and perseverance as well as love.  And as a result of their heroic efforts, they helped individuals at the time and also helped bring about changes that have improved the lives of many people since.

And certainly there continue to be many causes where agape love is the basis for people’s efforts—social justice; affordable housing, healthcare, child care, and educational opportunities; safety for people being abused; climate change initiatives; and many other causes.  Thankfully, people are using their abilities to further bring about change that will improve the lives of women, men, and children now and in the future.

I also find myself thinking about how writers of quality fiction and nonfiction have agape love as at least part of their motivation for writing.  Those of us who read such books have experienced how writers enrich our lives.  Through their works they are able to reach many people, adding to our knowledge, expanding our life experience, and giving us enjoyment.  I respect writers for their creativity and skill, and also for their self-discipline and work ethic.

As each of us tries to grow in consciousness and to follow our individual paths, we need to endeavor to discern what it is that we are called to do.  And then have agape love for others as we take the steps to try to do what we have discerned.  What we are called to do is rarely easy and will include times when it will not be enjoyable—that’s true of the individuation process in general.  And yet by following our path we will live a meaningful life, a life of value.

In his book A Life of Meaning, Dr. James Hollis shares the mantra he says each morning as he’s heading to his work as a Jungian analyst:  “Shut up, suit up, show up.”  Just six words that say a lot.

In addition to being a Jungian analyst, Hollis is a teacher, writer, and presenter.  He has written many books, some of which are available as audiobooks, and I recommend them to you.

I think most (or more likely all) of us have times when we could benefit from telling ourselves to shut up, suit up, and show up.  I remind myself of these words when thoughts intrude about minor irritations and inconveniences.  When this happens, I tell myself it’s fine to acknowledge how I feel but then to put those irritations into perspective.  For it doesn’t take much comparing to see how fortunate I am.  I have a nice place to live, compared to the many people in our country and the world who are homeless or who live in areas where there is a lot of crime.  I have nutritious food readily available to me, and many people do not.  I have work that I like for the most part and that provides me sufficient income for my needs and wants, and many people not only have trouble finding work and/or keeping jobs for various reasons, including mental health issues, and many people dislike the jobs they do have.  I have good health, and many people deal with various physical and mental health issues.  It’s important to keep these and other aspects of life in perspective, which is a daily self-reminder from which all of us can benefit.

And then we need to do our best to keep our focus on what matters each day.  For the majority of us, this too is a daily effort.

Hollis’ mantra is yet another way of saying it matters that we endeavor each day to do what needs to be done, such as taking care of our children, going to our jobs, etc., and also that we do our best to follow the guidance of our inner voice in the many decisions and choices we make.  The mantra reminds us that, by shutting up, we stop wasting time and energy complaining and feeling sorry for ourselves and instead are thankful for the many blessings we have; by suiting up, we prepare for where we need to be and what we need to do; and by showing up we put forth the effort required to do what needs to be done that day.

Every choice we make and every action we do matters.  At the end of each day, by having tried our best to do what we needed to do, we not only fulfilled our responsibilities and used the abilities we’ve been given, we receive the additional benefit of feeling good about having spent time well.  And we added to that which is positive in our world.

“When a person doesn’t have gratitude, something is missing in his or her humanity.”

This quote is by Elie Wiesel who was a Romanian-American writer, philosopher, professor, political activist, and Holocaust survivor.  He was also the recipient of the 1986 Nobel Peace Prize.  He wrote many books, one of which is entitled Night based on his experience as a Jewish concentration camp prisoner.

Although one definition of the word “humanity” is being of the human race—we are all part of humanity in that way—the word “humanity” is also defined as having the qualities of compassion and consideration for others.  I believe these are the qualities to which Wiesel refers in his words I have quoted.

All of us can find things for which we are grateful.  Sometimes when we have a lot going on that is causing us stress and also when our focus is on difficult problems we’re dealing with, it might be hard to remember those things.  And yet with just a few minutes or even less of thinking about it, the chances are very small that we aren’t able to think of something for which we are thankful.  And most of us have a great deal for which to be thankful.

We are grateful for the loved ones in our lives, our health, and our ability to do things that we enjoy and that are meaningful to us, as well as our ability to do things we don’t necessarily enjoy but need to accomplish.  I am thankful for those blessings and for many more.

Of the many other things for which I’m thankful, I appreciate the many people who do work that is “behind the scenes.”  I appreciate the people who clean work places, stores, restaurants, etc. after hours so those spaces are nice for us to be in each day.  Similarly, I’m thankful for the people who keep sidewalks and other public spaces clean and for those whose jobs are to collect garbage and recycling.  It can be easy to take the work of these women and men for granted, and I remind myself not to.

I’ve read articles about an increase of incidents where people leave litter and garbage behind in nature areas and city and national parks.  Not only does this make those areas unsightly, it also harms ecosystems and adds unnecessarily to the work of those who must clean up those areas.  We need to be more aware of the potential harm and difficulty such thoughtless behavior causes.  And again to be thankful for those people who do the work of cleaning up those areas, including the many volunteers who help.

As I write about having gratitude, I’m aware that, although I’ve experienced losses and difficulties, my life hasn’t had the severe and ongoing challenges that many others face.  I haven’t needed to live in an area where there is a lot of crime because I couldn’t afford to live elsewhere; I wasn’t born in a country where a large part of the population struggles to have enough food for themselves and their children; I don’t have chronic pain—the list goes on.  My heart goes out to people in such situations, and I pray for them each day.  For those of us not in those situations, we have even more for which to be thankful.

And, of course, I’m impressed with people such as Elie Wiesel who, despite the terrible experience of having been in a concentration camp and of witnessing the horrendous situations that many others who were there experienced, reminds us to be grateful, a reminder that all of us need from time to time.  And as Wiesel did, to use the many qualities we’ve been given to do our part to improve our world—to be people who are not missing our humanity.