Category: PersonalGrowth

“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.”

This quote is by Jack Kornfield, a writer and teacher of American Theravada Buddhism and mindfulness meditation.

Compassion is one of the most valuable qualities we can possess.  Whenever we have encountered people in our lives who have treated us with compassion, we have been very fortunate.  We have also been fortunate if we have been among people who show compassion for others, for their example has helped us to be more compassionate toward others as well.

As those of you who have read my posts know, I emphasize the importance of trying to follow our individual spiritual paths.  I have also written about how learning about the concepts of Jungian psychology has helped me and many others in our efforts to do that.  Noticing and trying to discern the possible meanings of synchronicities, writing down and contemplating our dreams, being watchful of when projection might have occurred and trying to ascertain what it might be telling us about ourselves—these are some of the many ways the findings of Carl Jung and the writings of others about Jungian psychology have assisted us.

By endeavoring to follow our individual paths, we are better able to become aware of the importance of caring about and helping others, for becoming more whole is not just for our own spiritual and emotional wellbeing.  Through inner work, we are also given direction to the ways that we are to help other people during our earthly journeys.  And it is essential that the way we treat others is also how we treat ourselves.  For as Kornfield says, compassion is not complete if it does not also include having compassion for ourselves.  This includes forgiving ourselves when we make mistakes, encouraging ourselves as we try to correct those mistakes, if possible, and also to learn from them, comforting ourselves when we are grieving or experiencing other difficulties, and being patient with ourselves.

So the next time you find yourself being hard on yourself or in other ways not being compassionate toward yourself, recall Jack Kornfield’s words.  I know I will be keeping them in mind.

“If you can’t feed a hundred people, feed just one.”

This quote is by Mother Teresa, who devoted her life to helping people in need.  She and others who worked in the charitable organizations she founded helped people who were living in poverty, provided care to people dying from terminal illnesses, and in many other ways treated people in need with dignity.

I appreciate Mother Teresa’s words because they are another way of expressing the truth that every effort we make to do what is right and good has value.  When that includes feeding the hungry, that certainly has value.  But I think of Mother Teresa’s use of the word “feed” as having a more expansive meaning, of referring to giving in many contexts:  having compassion, treating people with respect, being patient, assisting others, treating people fairly, being generous.

Whenever we act in a caring way toward others, it matters.  Sometimes that will be with just one person, at other times more.  Similarly, whenever we put effort into working on a task or project that has the purpose of helping others in some way, that has value too—whether it benefits many people or just one.

Endeavoring to follow our spiritual path helps us to discern the ways that we can do what we were created to do.  And keeping in mind Mother Teresa’s words of wisdom, which are based on loving kindness for others, will help us to follow our path.

“Agape love is . . . profound concern for the well-being of another, without any desire to control that other, to be thanked by that other, or to enjoy the process.”

This quote is by Madeleine L’Engle, a well-known author of works of adult and young adult fiction, nonfiction, and poetry.

I’ve written about agape love in some of my other posts, and of how it is a love that includes a sincere concern for the well-being of others, including people we have never met, not wanting to control others, and not expecting to be thanked for what we do.  And that whatever we do as a result of our having agape love has the intention of benefiting people in some way.  But L’Engle’s additional aspect that the person who has agape love might not necessarily enjoy the process is an aspect I had not seen referred to before.  And yet I can see where that would fit many situations.

Agape love is manifested by our concern for others that leads to our giving of our abilities, time, and energy to help other people.  Just three of numerous examples are volunteering to work at a food shelf, spending time with and reading to elderly people who live in assisted living facilities, and helping our neighbors to do a project.  These examples very likely would include some enjoyment for ourselves when doing them.  But there are times when we might feel tired or be extra busy on the days we’ve made the commitment to do these things and we would prefer to stay home; at those times we don’t enjoy the process (to use L’Engle’s word) as well as at other times.

And then I think about agape love in the form of social movements.  Many people in the past gave not only of their time and energy but also put themselves in danger to work toward making other people’s lives better.  People who helped slaves escape via the Underground Railroad, those who gave refuge to Jewish people in Nazi Germany, everyone who participated in the civil rights movement—these are just a few of the many examples.  The women, men, and children who did these things had great courage and perseverance as well as love.  And as a result of their heroic efforts, they helped individuals at the time and also helped bring about changes that have improved the lives of many people since.

And certainly there continue to be many causes where agape love is the basis for people’s efforts—social justice; affordable housing, healthcare, child care, and educational opportunities; safety for people being abused; climate change initiatives; and many other causes.  Thankfully, people are using their abilities to further bring about change that will improve the lives of women, men, and children now and in the future.

I also find myself thinking about how writers of quality fiction and nonfiction have agape love as at least part of their motivation for writing.  Those of us who read such books have experienced how writers enrich our lives.  Through their works they are able to reach many people, adding to our knowledge, expanding our life experience, and giving us enjoyment.  I respect writers for their creativity and skill, and also for their self-discipline and work ethic.

As each of us tries to grow in consciousness and to follow our individual paths, we need to endeavor to discern what it is that we are called to do.  And then have agape love for others as we take the steps to try to do what we have discerned.  What we are called to do is rarely easy and will include times when it will not be enjoyable—that’s true of the individuation process in general.  And yet by following our path we will live a meaningful life, a life of value.

In his book A Life of Meaning, Dr. James Hollis shares the mantra he says each morning as he’s heading to his work as a Jungian analyst:  “Shut up, suit up, show up.”  Just six words that say a lot.

In addition to being a Jungian analyst, Hollis is a teacher, writer, and presenter.  He has written many books, some of which are available as audiobooks, and I recommend them to you.

I think most (or more likely all) of us have times when we could benefit from telling ourselves to shut up, suit up, and show up.  I remind myself of these words when thoughts intrude about minor irritations and inconveniences.  When this happens, I tell myself it’s fine to acknowledge how I feel but then to put those irritations into perspective.  For it doesn’t take much comparing to see how fortunate I am.  I have a nice place to live, compared to the many people in our country and the world who are homeless or who live in areas where there is a lot of crime.  I have nutritious food readily available to me, and many people do not.  I have work that I like for the most part and that provides me sufficient income for my needs and wants, and many people not only have trouble finding work and/or keeping jobs for various reasons, including mental health issues, and many people dislike the jobs they do have.  I have good health, and many people deal with various physical and mental health issues.  It’s important to keep these and other aspects of life in perspective, which is a daily self-reminder from which all of us can benefit.

And then we need to do our best to keep our focus on what matters each day.  For the majority of us, this too is a daily effort.

Hollis’ mantra is yet another way of saying it matters that we endeavor each day to do what needs to be done, such as taking care of our children, going to our jobs, etc., and also that we do our best to follow the guidance of our inner voice in the many decisions and choices we make.  The mantra reminds us that, by shutting up, we stop wasting time and energy complaining and feeling sorry for ourselves and instead are thankful for the many blessings we have; by suiting up, we prepare for where we need to be and what we need to do; and by showing up we put forth the effort required to do what needs to be done that day.

Every choice we make and every action we do matters.  At the end of each day, by having tried our best to do what we needed to do, we not only fulfilled our responsibilities and used the abilities we’ve been given, we receive the additional benefit of feeling good about having spent time well.  And we added to that which is positive in our world.

“When a person doesn’t have gratitude, something is missing in his or her humanity.”

This quote is by Elie Wiesel who was a Romanian-American writer, philosopher, professor, political activist, and Holocaust survivor.  He was also the recipient of the 1986 Nobel Peace Prize.  He wrote many books, one of which is entitled Night based on his experience as a Jewish concentration camp prisoner.

Although one definition of the word “humanity” is being of the human race—we are all part of humanity in that way—the word “humanity” is also defined as having the qualities of compassion and consideration for others.  I believe these are the qualities to which Wiesel refers in his words I have quoted.

All of us can find things for which we are grateful.  Sometimes when we have a lot going on that is causing us stress and also when our focus is on difficult problems we’re dealing with, it might be hard to remember those things.  And yet with just a few minutes or even less of thinking about it, the chances are very small that we aren’t able to think of something for which we are thankful.  And most of us have a great deal for which to be thankful.

We are grateful for the loved ones in our lives, our health, and our ability to do things that we enjoy and that are meaningful to us, as well as our ability to do things we don’t necessarily enjoy but need to accomplish.  I am thankful for those blessings and for many more.

Of the many other things for which I’m thankful, I appreciate the many people who do work that is “behind the scenes.”  I appreciate the people who clean work places, stores, restaurants, etc. after hours so those spaces are nice for us to be in each day.  Similarly, I’m thankful for the people who keep sidewalks and other public spaces clean and for those whose jobs are to collect garbage and recycling.  It can be easy to take the work of these women and men for granted, and I remind myself not to.

I’ve read articles about an increase of incidents where people leave litter and garbage behind in nature areas and city and national parks.  Not only does this make those areas unsightly, it also harms ecosystems and adds unnecessarily to the work of those who must clean up those areas.  We need to be more aware of the potential harm and difficulty such thoughtless behavior causes.  And again to be thankful for those people who do the work of cleaning up those areas, including the many volunteers who help.

As I write about having gratitude, I’m aware that, although I’ve experienced losses and difficulties, my life hasn’t had the severe and ongoing challenges that many others face.  I haven’t needed to live in an area where there is a lot of crime because I couldn’t afford to live elsewhere; I wasn’t born in a country where a large part of the population struggles to have enough food for themselves and their children; I don’t have chronic pain—the list goes on.  My heart goes out to people in such situations, and I pray for them each day.  For those of us not in those situations, we have even more for which to be thankful.

And, of course, I’m impressed with people such as Elie Wiesel who, despite the terrible experience of having been in a concentration camp and of witnessing the horrendous situations that many others who were there experienced, reminds us to be grateful, a reminder that all of us need from time to time.  And as Wiesel did, to use the many qualities we’ve been given to do our part to improve our world—to be people who are not missing our humanity.

“Hate, it has caused a lot of problems in the world, but has not solved one yet.”

This quote is by poet and civil rights activist Maya Angelou.

Hate shows itself in many forms, including abuse, neglect, crimes, racism, sexism, and prejudices of every kind.  As Angelou says, and as all of us know or should know from our own life experience, hate never solves problems.  Rather, it causes and continues very serious problems that result in harm to many people.

Love, on the other hand, prevents problems from starting.  And for problems that already exist, love solves them.  Love in the form of compassion and empathy provides the basis for making people’s lives better and more meaningful.  This happens on a one-to-one basis when we treat each other in caring, respectful, and nonjudgmental ways.  And it happens in ways that affect groups of people, such as when legislators pass legislation that funds programs that assist individuals and families who need affordable and accessible housing, physical and mental health care, and quality educational opportunities for children.

As has been expressed by many of the people whose words of wisdom I have written about in my blog, it’s essential that all of us remember the positive effect that our words and actions can have.  Every person who shows and expresses agape love—the love that is unconditional, that desires the welfare of others, including the many people we do not know, and that has no expectation of return–helps to counteract hatred with the strength of love.

When we do our best to try to follow our spiritual paths, we are also on the side of love.  For by following the direction of our inner voice, we add to all that is positive in our world.

All of us are called to be part of the loving force that works against hatred in all its forms.  I pray that all of us will embrace that calling.

“Did I offer peace today? Did I bring a smile to someone’s face? Did I say words of healing? Did I let go of my anger and resentment? Did I forgive? Did I love? These are the real questions. I must trust that the little bit of love that I sow now will bear many fruits, here in this world and the life to come.”

This quote is by Henri Nouwen, who was a Catholic priest, theologian, writer, and professor.

Henri Nouwen’s words are meaningful to me because they serve as a reminder that what we might consider to be small things we do each day do make a difference.  It can be easy to fall into the trap of thinking that unless we accomplish something that resolves major societal issues or that helps many people that there is nothing we can do to make a positive difference in our world.  Nouwen reminds us that the words we speak, the smile, the offers of help—each of these does make a difference, does bear fruit.  Our words and actions help the people with whom we interact, and those words and actions help us as well.

After reading Nouwen’s quote, I thought about ways that people made my life nicer in the past few days.  My daughter texted me a photo of my little grandson and told me she loves me.  Coworkers greeted me when I arrived at my job.  A friend thanked me for helping her.  Someone with whom I work was understanding when I told him about a mistake I had made.  A person I don’t know held a door open for me.  All were relatively small acts of kindness and none were required to be done.  But because the people involved chose to do them, positive energy was added to our world.  And I was given the message that I have value and that each person cared about me at some level.

Some of the other ways we can express that “little bit of love” Nouwen refers to are listening as someone shares a difficulty they’re dealing with and not jumping in with advice, expressing gratitude, taking a deep breath when something is frustrating us and having the self-discipline to not respond rashly but instead taking a few minutes to consider a healthy way to deal with the source of the frustration, and offering to spend some time with a friend’s children when it’s clear the friend needs some quiet time.  These are just a few of many possibilities.

As Nouman says, trust that our giving of ourselves in these various ways does matter.  And also remember that our ability to do so is a gift from our Creator.  Trust in that gift.

“Books and doors are the same thing.  You open them, and you go through into another world.”

This quote is by Jeanette Winterson, an English author and professor.

Reading is one of my favorite things to do during my free time.  When Ms. Winterson says by opening a book we go into another world, I’m reminded of the “other worlds” I’ve entered by reading.  I’ve entered other eras, other countries, and other places in the country where I live.  I’ve entered into people’s life circumstances that are different from mine, other people’s thoughts, emotions, relationships, challenges, adventures, sorrows, and joys.  Quality fiction and nonfiction expand our experience, add to our knowledge about our world, and enrich our lives.

As is the case for many people, I live a busy life, and I’d like to have more time to read than I do.  One way I’ve added to what I’ve read is by listening to audiobooks when I’m doing tasks at home or while driving.  Many books of various genres are available in audio form, including at libraries for no cost.

I’m impressed that there are so many creative and talented authors, and I’m appreciative of the discipline and hard work that’s involved in writing.  My two-year-old grandson has many picture books.  As I look at them with him, I’m also impressed by the creativity and talent of illustrators.

With the many options we have to choose from for how we spend leisure time, including electronic games, the internet, and streaming, reading is often not a priority.  Although it’s fine to spend some time doing those activities, it’s important to give ourselves the gift of reading and all that we gain from it.  And for parents, teachers, caregivers, and others to give the gift of reading to the children in their lives, which will in turn help children to become life-long readers.

I wish you joy each time you open another door into another world through reading.

“The ego must be able to listen attentively and to give itself, without any further design or purpose, to that inner urge toward growth.”

This quote is by Marie-Louise von Franz, who was a Jungian analyst and the author of several books about analytical psychology, and who also collaborated with Carl Jung for many years.

The ego is the conscious awareness of one’s personal identity.  It takes in information from the environment and chooses the direction to take based on that information.  Dr. von Franz’s quote further describes the true purpose of the ego: to choose the direction to take based on listening attentively to the guidance of the Self (to use the Jungian term) or of the inner voice (to use the spiritual term).  For the Self and the inner voice have the same source.

This true purpose of the ego is the opposite of egocentricity.  People who are egocentric think only of themselves without regard for the feelings and desires of others.  Approaching life in that way is never directed by inner guidance, but instead shows a total lack of awareness that such guidance exists.  The true purpose of the ego is also the opposite of “societal shoulds,” where we make decisions based on what is considered to be popular, such as what is portrayed by much of the media and many websites.  Similarly, when we make choices based on the expectations of people we know who we fear will no longer accept us if we make changes that they don’t agree with, our egos are not giving of themselves to the inner urge toward guidance.

I believe von Franz’s words “without any further design or purpose” emphasize the importance of not letting our egocentric tendencies be in control.  Her words also remind us that it requires commitment, effort, and self-giving to do the right thing by setting aside our self-interest.

Ways that the ego can listen attentively and give itself, to use von Franz’s words, include trying to discern possible meanings of synchronicities, paying attention to intuitive promptings, writing down the dreams we remember and contemplating their images and actions and what the dreams might be attempting to bring to consciousness, noticing when projection might be happening and what we can learn about ourselves from it, and trying to discern possible meanings of unexpected happenings.  For all of these phenomena are manifestations of the inner urge toward growth.

We all have the gift of an inner urge toward growth.  By making the effort to listen attentively and to recognize when our egocentricity is blocking our ability to hear its guidance, we will receive the direction which enables us to continue on the spiritual path we were created to follow.

“Do the best you can until you know better.  Then when you know better, do better.”

This quote is by poet, singer, and civil rights activist Maya Angelou.  When I first read it, I thought of two things:  the importance of trying to do the best we can in everything we do and the fact that we are continually adding to what we know, both when we purposely add to our knowledge such as by reading and also that we learn as we go about each day taking in information through what we see, hear, come into contact with, and so on.

We all have qualities, abilities, and talents.  What those are and the extent to which they are developed varies from person to person.  But whatever they are, they can help us to try to do our best.  Qualities such as patience, empathy, and generosity, including being generous with our time, help us to assist and to have positive interactions with others.  Making an effort to do well at our jobs and when doing other essential activities, rather than being lazy and doing the minimum necessary, is another way we endeavor to do our best.  Putting time and effort into growing in consciousness is an especially valuable way to try to do our best.

Angelou’s words “until you know better” cause me to think about how it is that we come to “know better.”  Much of what we knew during our childhood years was that which we were taught by our parents and other adults, things like what was right and what was wrong, what we should or should not do, and so on.  At least as influential, and perhaps more so, was what we learned by observing the behavior modeled by our parents and other adults and also by children who were older than we were.

In early adulthood, the basis of much of what we know is what we learned as children.  But ideally when we are adults that which we know broadens through the influence of other people, through reading, from our jobs, and from our many life experiences, including unexpected happenings.  Sometimes we “know better” only after we realize we made a mistake.  We learn from it and move on.  Throughout our lives the way we approached various situations and tasks was based on what made sense to us at that time—the time before we “knew better.”  After having had more experiences, some of those earlier approaches no longer applied.  And this continues throughout the rest of our lives.

Finally, as Angelou says, we are able to “do better” than we did before because of the knowledge we have gained during our life journey.  We grow toward our potential and live more purposeful lives by expanding upon what we know, being open to new ideas and approaches, and making changes in positive ways.  And as we become more conscious, we are more able to discern the guidance of our inner voice and to act on that guidance—thus, to “do better.”  Through growing in consciousness we become more genuine and individuated persons who help to make our world a better place.