Category: PersonalGrowth

“Hate, it has caused a lot of problems in the world, but has not solved one yet.”

This quote is by poet and civil rights activist Maya Angelou.

Hate shows itself in many forms, including abuse, neglect, crimes, racism, sexism, and prejudices of every kind.  As Angelou says, and as all of us know or should know from our own life experience, hate never solves problems.  Rather, it causes and continues very serious problems that result in harm to many people.

Love, on the other hand, prevents problems from starting.  And for problems that already exist, love solves them.  Love in the form of compassion and empathy provides the basis for making people’s lives better and more meaningful.  This happens on a one-to-one basis when we treat each other in caring, respectful, and nonjudgmental ways.  And it happens in ways that affect groups of people, such as when legislators pass legislation that funds programs that assist individuals and families who need affordable and accessible housing, physical and mental health care, and quality educational opportunities for children.

As has been expressed by many of the people whose words of wisdom I have written about in my blog, it’s essential that all of us remember the positive effect that our words and actions can have.  Every person who shows and expresses agape love—the love that is unconditional, that desires the welfare of others, including the many people we do not know, and that has no expectation of return–helps to counteract hatred with the strength of love.

When we do our best to try to follow our spiritual paths, we are also on the side of love.  For by following the direction of our inner voice, we add to all that is positive in our world.

All of us are called to be part of the loving force that works against hatred in all its forms.  I pray that all of us will embrace that calling.

“Did I offer peace today? Did I bring a smile to someone’s face? Did I say words of healing? Did I let go of my anger and resentment? Did I forgive? Did I love? These are the real questions. I must trust that the little bit of love that I sow now will bear many fruits, here in this world and the life to come.”

This quote is by Henri Nouwen, who was a Catholic priest, theologian, writer, and professor.

Henri Nouwen’s words are meaningful to me because they serve as a reminder that what we might consider to be small things we do each day do make a difference.  It can be easy to fall into the trap of thinking that unless we accomplish something that resolves major societal issues or that helps many people that there is nothing we can do to make a positive difference in our world.  Nouwen reminds us that the words we speak, the smile, the offers of help—each of these does make a difference, does bear fruit.  Our words and actions help the people with whom we interact, and those words and actions help us as well.

After reading Nouwen’s quote, I thought about ways that people made my life nicer in the past few days.  My daughter texted me a photo of my little grandson and told me she loves me.  Coworkers greeted me when I arrived at my job.  A friend thanked me for helping her.  Someone with whom I work was understanding when I told him about a mistake I had made.  A person I don’t know held a door open for me.  All were relatively small acts of kindness and none were required to be done.  But because the people involved chose to do them, positive energy was added to our world.  And I was given the message that I have value and that each person cared about me at some level.

Some of the other ways we can express that “little bit of love” Nouwen refers to are listening as someone shares a difficulty they’re dealing with and not jumping in with advice, expressing gratitude, taking a deep breath when something is frustrating us and having the self-discipline to not respond rashly but instead taking a few minutes to consider a healthy way to deal with the source of the frustration, and offering to spend some time with a friend’s children when it’s clear the friend needs some quiet time.  These are just a few of many possibilities.

As Nouman says, trust that our giving of ourselves in these various ways does matter.  And also remember that our ability to do so is a gift from our Creator.  Trust in that gift.

“Books and doors are the same thing.  You open them, and you go through into another world.”

This quote is by Jeanette Winterson, an English author and professor.

Reading is one of my favorite things to do during my free time.  When Ms. Winterson says by opening a book we go into another world, I’m reminded of the “other worlds” I’ve entered by reading.  I’ve entered other eras, other countries, and other places in the country where I live.  I’ve entered into people’s life circumstances that are different from mine, other people’s thoughts, emotions, relationships, challenges, adventures, sorrows, and joys.  Quality fiction and nonfiction expand our experience, add to our knowledge about our world, and enrich our lives.

As is the case for many people, I live a busy life, and I’d like to have more time to read than I do.  One way I’ve added to what I’ve read is by listening to audiobooks when I’m doing tasks at home or while driving.  Many books of various genres are available in audio form, including at libraries for no cost.

I’m impressed that there are so many creative and talented authors, and I’m appreciative of the discipline and hard work that’s involved in writing.  My two-year-old grandson has many picture books.  As I look at them with him, I’m also impressed by the creativity and talent of illustrators.

With the many options we have to choose from for how we spend leisure time, including electronic games, the internet, and streaming, reading is often not a priority.  Although it’s fine to spend some time doing those activities, it’s important to give ourselves the gift of reading and all that we gain from it.  And for parents, teachers, caregivers, and others to give the gift of reading to the children in their lives, which will in turn help children to become life-long readers.

I wish you joy each time you open another door into another world through reading.

“The ego must be able to listen attentively and to give itself, without any further design or purpose, to that inner urge toward growth.”

This quote is by Marie-Louise von Franz, who was a Jungian analyst and the author of several books about analytical psychology, and who also collaborated with Carl Jung for many years.

The ego is the conscious awareness of one’s personal identity.  It takes in information from the environment and chooses the direction to take based on that information.  Dr. von Franz’s quote further describes the true purpose of the ego: to choose the direction to take based on listening attentively to the guidance of the Self (to use the Jungian term) or of the inner voice (to use the spiritual term).  For the Self and the inner voice have the same source.

This true purpose of the ego is the opposite of egocentricity.  People who are egocentric think only of themselves without regard for the feelings and desires of others.  Approaching life in that way is never directed by inner guidance, but instead shows a total lack of awareness that such guidance exists.  The true purpose of the ego is also the opposite of “societal shoulds,” where we make decisions based on what is considered to be popular, such as what is portrayed by much of the media and many websites.  Similarly, when we make choices based on the expectations of people we know who we fear will no longer accept us if we make changes that they don’t agree with, our egos are not giving of themselves to the inner urge toward guidance.

I believe von Franz’s words “without any further design or purpose” emphasize the importance of not letting our egocentric tendencies be in control.  Her words also remind us that it requires commitment, effort, and self-giving to do the right thing by setting aside our self-interest.

Ways that the ego can listen attentively and give itself, to use von Franz’s words, include trying to discern possible meanings of synchronicities, paying attention to intuitive promptings, writing down the dreams we remember and contemplating their images and actions and what the dreams might be attempting to bring to consciousness, noticing when projection might be happening and what we can learn about ourselves from it, and trying to discern possible meanings of unexpected happenings.  For all of these phenomena are manifestations of the inner urge toward growth.

We all have the gift of an inner urge toward growth.  By making the effort to listen attentively and to recognize when our egocentricity is blocking our ability to hear its guidance, we will receive the direction which enables us to continue on the spiritual path we were created to follow.

“Do the best you can until you know better.  Then when you know better, do better.”

This quote is by poet, singer, and civil rights activist Maya Angelou.  When I first read it, I thought of two things:  the importance of trying to do the best we can in everything we do and the fact that we are continually adding to what we know, both when we purposely add to our knowledge such as by reading and also that we learn as we go about each day taking in information through what we see, hear, come into contact with, and so on.

We all have qualities, abilities, and talents.  What those are and the extent to which they are developed varies from person to person.  But whatever they are, they can help us to try to do our best.  Qualities such as patience, empathy, and generosity, including being generous with our time, help us to assist and to have positive interactions with others.  Making an effort to do well at our jobs and when doing other essential activities, rather than being lazy and doing the minimum necessary, is another way we endeavor to do our best.  Putting time and effort into growing in consciousness is an especially valuable way to try to do our best.

Angelou’s words “until you know better” cause me to think about how it is that we come to “know better.”  Much of what we knew during our childhood years was that which we were taught by our parents and other adults, things like what was right and what was wrong, what we should or should not do, and so on.  At least as influential, and perhaps more so, was what we learned by observing the behavior modeled by our parents and other adults and also by children who were older than we were.

In early adulthood, the basis of much of what we know is what we learned as children.  But ideally when we are adults that which we know broadens through the influence of other people, through reading, from our jobs, and from our many life experiences, including unexpected happenings.  Sometimes we “know better” only after we realize we made a mistake.  We learn from it and move on.  Throughout our lives the way we approached various situations and tasks was based on what made sense to us at that time—the time before we “knew better.”  After having had more experiences, some of those earlier approaches no longer applied.  And this continues throughout the rest of our lives.

Finally, as Angelou says, we are able to “do better” than we did before because of the knowledge we have gained during our life journey.  We grow toward our potential and live more purposeful lives by expanding upon what we know, being open to new ideas and approaches, and making changes in positive ways.  And as we become more conscious, we are more able to discern the guidance of our inner voice and to act on that guidance—thus, to “do better.”  Through growing in consciousness we become more genuine and individuated persons who help to make our world a better place.

“Environment is no one’s property to destroy; it’s everyone’s responsibility to protect.”

This quote is by Mohith Agadi who is an author and entrepreneur who lives in India.

It can be disheartening when we find ourselves questioning whether the efforts of one person can make a difference when dealing with the large, global problem of climate change.  And yet those efforts do matter.  What would help the most is if many more people would make the effort for, as Agadi says, protecting the environment is everyone’s responsibility.

One of my motivations for recycling, reusing, donating items to programs that make them available to others, driving only when necessary, and in other ways decreasing my carbon footprint is that I care deeply about the quality of life of the children of our world, both in the present and when they are adults, and for all who will be born after them.  I also care about the people who live in poor countries who are experiencing climate disasters caused by global warming even though the people in those countries contribute far less to what causes global warming than we in the United States and other wealthy countries do.  In fact, I recently read that the average carbon footprint of people who live in the United States is four times that of people in the majority of other countries.  We share this earth with almost eight billion people.  The earth is also no one’s property to destroy.

I’m thankful that there are many programs whose purpose is to decrease the factors that contribute to climate change.  We are able to recycle glass and plastic containers, paper, and metal so that new products can be made from those materials.  Composted food and yard waste is turned into organic material that enriches the soil.  There are drop-off facilities that take batteries, electronics, paint, and many other products that are then disposed of responsibly and kept out of landfills.  There are numerous websites with information about the many ways each of us can do our part to help to protect the environment.

The majority of religious and spiritual traditions emphasize helping other people rather than thinking only of our own needs and wants.  Doing our part takes some time and effort.  But that is true of everything that matters.  I think of caring about the environment and doing my part as not only caring about improving air and water quality for myself and my loved ones, but also as yet another way to help other people, both those of us presently sharing this earth and also those of future generations.

“Where do we begin?  Begin with the heart.”

This quote is by Julian of Norwich, who was an English anchoress who lived in the 1300s.  An anchoress is a woman who led a prayerful, ascetic life and who withdrew from secular society to do so.  The word anchorite refers to a man who chose that way of life.  Julian is best known for her writings Revelations of Divine Love.

When I contemplate Julian’s words “begin with the heart,” I think of feelings that emanate instinctively from within.  I think of agape love, which is a love that desires the welfare of others and has no expectation of return.  And I think of the more personal love we have for people we know and are emotionally close to.  Her words also bring to mind spontaneous reactions as compared to planned responses. When we begin with the heart, we come from a place of genuine caring as a basis for decisions we make and for the way we respond to various life situations.

Most of our day-to-day activities involve using our thinking functions—figuring things out, planning, analyzing, using logic.  These abilities are essential for doing many things, from something as simple as preparing a grocery list to working on complex undertakings such as those that are required by certain professions.  Because thinking functions are necessary for many daily tasks and for many occupations, and because they are emphasized by western cultures, there is often a tendency to minimize the importance of our feelings and intuition.  And yet our feelings and intuitive promptings are also ways to experience aspects of life and are essential in helping us discern choices we make and responses to life happenings.

When we listen to our heart, we are more in touch with the guidance of our inner voice, and therefore more on our spiritual path.  That is what matters most.

“The capacity for empathy leads to a genuine encounter—we have to progress toward this culture of encounter—in which heart speaks to heart.”

This quote is by Pope Francis, the present Pope of the Roman Catholic Church.

Empathy is one of the most valuable qualities each of us can possess.  A basic definition of empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.  Pope Francis adds depth to this definition, particularly with his words “genuine encounter” and “heart speaks to heart.”

Being empathic is a gift we give to others.  When people share with us something they are struggling with, our ability to communicate our empathy is the most helpful thing we can do.  We do this by listening to them without distraction and by sensing from what they have told us what it must be like to experience what they are sharing.  This is the genuine encounter of which Pope Francis speaks.

A friend once told me about an experience she had that illustrates empathy.  She was feeling sadness and disappointment because she hadn’t been hired for a job for which she was highly qualified and for which she had been one of the candidates called back for a second interview.  When she shared with friends that she hadn’t been offered the job, some had responded by saying perhaps it was for the best or that she would most likely eventually get a job she liked just as well.  She told me she knew her friends meant well and that these statements might be true, but at the time they weren’t helpful.  Then she told me about another friend whose reaction was to spontaneously say “damn it” with great emphasis.  My friend told me that this friend’s heart-felt reaction caused her to feel understood, supported, and cared for.  It was an example of heart speaking to heart.

Having the ability to be empathic is not only essential to being present with people we know and care about, it also can extend more broadly to others.  The more that people have empathy about the life situations of other people in our world, the greater is the possibility that positive change can occur.  There would be less racism, sexism, ageism, and intolerance of every kind if more of us made the effort to put ourselves in other people’s places.  When I read Pope Francis’ words that we have to progress toward a culture of encounter, I thought about this more expansive effect of empathy.

Each of us should try our best to have empathy for others.  By doing so, we help people we know and care about and we also add to that which is positive in our world.

“Have patience with all things.  But, first of all with yourself.”

This quote is by Saint Francis de Sales who lived in the 15th and 16th Centuries and was a Catholic prelate and the Bishop of Geneva.  He was also known for his writing about religious and spiritual topics.

Patience is one of those qualities that can be hard to come by and, therefore, that we should work at developing.  We tend to want to have quick solutions to problems and to complete tasks or projects so they’re off our minds.  But the reality is that quick solutions and fast completion of projects are often not possible, and we need to be more accepting of that reality.

There are frequently times when we need to be patient with other people.  When we find ourselves having difficulty being patient, it can be helpful to put ourselves in the other person’s place and treat her or him as we would want to be treated.  I think about an older person driving more slowly than we think they should but who needs to do that in order to drive safely.  Or a store clerk who isn’t checking out our order as fast as we want them to but who might be new at the job.  We can never know the full picture of other people’s situations, and they deserve to be given the benefit of the doubt.

Being patient is especially important when dealing with children.  We need to keep in mind children’s developmental levels and to not have expectations for them to respond or act in ways that they are not able to until they’ve reached certain developmental levels.

And, as Saint Francis points out, we need to be patient with ourselves.  Part of being human is that there will be times when we will make mistakes and have regrets.  Thankfully, we can learn from our mistakes and, where possible, address regrets, such as by apologizing to someone we realize we inadvertently hurt or by explaining a misunderstanding.  We also need to be patient with ourselves as we try to make positive changes, to grow in consciousness, and to listen to our inner voice.  Remember to take things a step at a time and recognize that there will be times when we will need to repeat a step.

People’s impatience not only causes them stress, which is unhealthy for them, but it also is hurtful to others.  If we truly believe in the importance of fairness and caring about the wellbeing of others, we need to notice when we are being impatient, to not give ourselves excuses for that, to take a deep breath or two, and to remind ourselves to be calm.  And then to be patient with and forgive ourselves.  Everyone with whom we interact and each of us will benefit from our efforts.

“I’m a little pencil in the hand of a writing God, who is sending a love letter to the world.”

This quote is by Mother Teresa, a person who gave of herself as an individual and through the charitable organizations she founded that have assisted and continue to assist people experiencing some of life’s most difficult situations, including poverty and end-of-life illness.

There is a simplicity in the image Mother Teresa’s words portray, and yet her words express essential truths.  By being “a little pencil” in God’s hand, she—and, by extension, each of us—has a story to live given to us by our Creator.  That story consists of our Creator’s plan for us, and each day we should endeavor to discern and then to act on what that plan for us is.

Some of the ways to try to discern our Creator’s will are by paying attention to the symbols and stories of our dreams, being watchful of when psychological projection might be happening, noting possible meanings of unexpected occurrences, paying attention to intuitive promptings, and praying for God’s help as we make decisions and in all that we do.

Mother Teresa saying God “is sending a love letter to the world” is a reminder of our Creator’s love for us.  And that God works through us to share that love with others.  Love is expressed in many ways.  Some of those ways are by having empathy for others, being patient, acting with integrity, and being generous with our time and our abilities.  Sometimes our love for someone is shown by being assertive when that is what is needed.  There is agape love for people we don’t know as well as the more personal love we have for spouses and partners, our children and grandchildren.

By being open to our Creator working through us, we are instruments of Divine love.  We are part of the “love letter” from our Creator to the world.