Category: PersonalGrowth

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present.”

This quote is by Bil Keane, who had a long career as a cartoonist.  When I first read his words, I smiled at the way he uses the two meanings of the word “present.”  I also like the way he refers to the past as history and to the future as mystery.

Yesterday and all the days preceding it since each of us was born makes up our personal history.  It’s the memories, accomplishments, relationships and interactions with others, our many and varied life experiences, as well as our day-to-day responsibilities.  Our personalities evolve as we learn and grow from our experiences, including when we recognize and learn from mistakes we’ve made.

Tomorrow is a mystery because we cannot know with certainty what life will bring each day.  Often what we will do has a certain predictability, such as spending time with our family, working at our jobs, attending events or meetings, etc.  But it’s important to be open to unexpected occurrences too and to do our best to do whatever is required of us to respond to them when that is needed.  And also to notice and appreciate the unexpected special things that happen.

As Keane says, each day certainly is a gift of God.  In fact, each morning when we awaken is a perfect  time to say a prayer of thanksgiving for that day and to pray for guidance in all that we do throughout the day.  And when today passes into yesterday to know that we tried to live it well.

“My hope still is to leave the world a bit better than when I got here.”

This quote is by Jim Henson, a well-known puppeteer, animator, inventor, and filmmaker, perhaps best known as the creator of The Muppets.

Henson’s quote resonates with me because it conveys both hope and humility.  Hope and humility are two qualities essential to living our lives in a meaningful way.  Henson’s having the goal of in some way doing his part to make the world better expresses a hopefulness, a belief that it is possible to do that.  And he shows humility by using the words “my hope” and “a bit better,” rather than suggesting he has all the answers.  Henson’s words are a quiet affirmation of what might be possible.

If each of us had the goal of leaving the world a bit better, and sincerely tried to make that happen, the lives of many people would be positively affected.  It’s essential that we recognize that it is the Creator working through us that makes it possible for us to do anything of value that we do, including that which we are able to do to improve the world.  It’s also vital to believe that each of us has a calling or callings given to us by the Creator that we need to try to discern.

Through that discernment and our efforts to endeavor to follow each of our individual paths, all of us can make the world better, better for our children and grandchildren now and when they’re adults, better for all of the present generation as well as for future generations.

“We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But if that drop was not in the ocean, I think the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.”

This quote by Mother Teresa helps me to remember that each action I do with heartfelt intentions matters.  I assume when Mother Teresa said or wrote those words she was referring to the work that she and the nuns of her order were doing to assist people who were suffering from serious illnesses, often providing care to people who were critically ill.  It mattered that they were able to help each person that they did.

When I find myself thinking about how my efforts to help others seem so limited, especially because there is so much need in our world, I remind myself of Mother Teresa’s words and how each effort I make adds to the ocean of caring.  And the many other drops that make up that ocean are symbolic of all the individual actions of a great many other people.  Every one of those sincere actions matters.

In addition to helping people we know, such as family members, other relatives, and friends, it’s important to keep in mind ways we can help in broader contexts as well.  One way we can help others, including future generations, is by making efforts to reduce our carbon footprint.  We can do this by recycling, by not running the car engine unnecessarily, and by composting instead of putting compostable items in the garbage.  It surprises me how often I see items that should be put into a clearly marked mixed recyclables container that instead have been put in a trash container that is right beside it.  It is also concerning that many people warm up their cars for several minutes unnecessarily, adding exhaust to the air for no good reason.  I’ve read that as much as 40% of food in America is discarded.  There are many waste haulers who pick up compostable food and other compostable items that are turned into organic matter used as fertilizer and to enrich soil.  If many more of us did these and other actions to decrease global warming, what a difference it would make.

Finally, one of the most vital things we can do both for others and for ourselves is to grow in consciousness.  We do this by noticing when we might be projecting qualities onto others that are actually reflections of aspects of ourselves—both negative and positive; by trying to discern the possible meanings of synchronicities; by paying attention to intuitive promptings; by recording our dreams and pondering the possible messages of the symbolism of our dreams; and by trying to discern the significance of unexpected occurrences.  According to Jungian psychological theory, whenever a person becomes more conscious, it has a positive effect on our world—another important drop added to the ocean of caring.  Similarly, many religious traditions emphasize that each loving action positively affects not only the receiver and giver of that action but that loving kindness radiates to others as well.

It is my hope that Mother Teresa’s words will encourage each of us to make changes and do actions that benefit others and to remember that each of those changes and actions does make a difference.

“The purpose of human life is to serve, and to show compassion and the will to help others.”

This quote is by Albert Schweitzer, who was a theologian, organist, writer, physician, humanitarian, and philosopher.  His words resonate with me because of their emphasis on caring about and wanting to help other people.  These qualities are also emphasized in the teachings of Christianity and in Jungian psychological theory, which is one of the reasons I embrace both.  Even though Jungian psychology isn’t considered a religious psychology, there is much correlation between its concepts and Christianity.

People who think only about their own needs and wants live a limited life.  Each of us is unique and we have individual callings, and by trying to discern and act upon those callings we help others and also feel more fulfilled.

There are many ways we can help others.  A very important one is by being good parents to our children, spending quality time with them, being patient, answering their questions, and showing them through our actions as well as by our words that we love them.  For many of us, assisting and spending time with our elderly parents or elderly friends or relatives are ways we help others.  And there are volunteer opportunities available with organizations whose missions are to assist people in various ways, just a few of which are working at a food shelf, spending time with someone in an assisted living residence or nursing home, helping children with their homework, and teaching English to immigrants.

And there are many ways to serve people other than being part of a program.  A friend of mine told me that each time it snows a neighbor not only clears the sidewalk in front of her home with her snow blower, but removes snow the length of the entire block.  Another friend enjoys baking and often shares what he bakes with neighbors and friends.  There are many ways to show others that they are cared about, some as ongoing commitments and some as unexpected and much appreciated acts of kindness.

Without a sense of purpose, life is dull—it feels as if something is missing.  We were created to use the gifts we’ve been given for the purposes they’ve been given to us.  Showing compassion and being willing to help others are two of those gifts.

“Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.”

This quote by the Dalai Lama reminds us of the importance of safeguarding our sense of peace by being aware that what other people do and say affects us.  This applies to the behavior of people we know, such as a family member unjustifiably criticizing us or a coworker telling another coworker something that isn’t true about us, as well as to the actions of people we don’t know, such as when we read about others being treated unjustly.

In my experience and in those of others who have shared their experiences with me, it can be difficult to not let the behavior of others destroy–or at least temporarily disrupt–our inner peace.  And yet it’s essential to our wellbeing that we follow the Dalai Lama’s wise counsel.

Some approaches that I have found to be helpful are self-reminders and “distraction” coping techniques.  If I’ve been unfairly criticized or hurt in other ways, I remind myself that what has been said or done is unwarranted, that the person who behaved in that way has problems, and that I must do my best to not let their problems take away positive energy from me.  When I read or hear about wrongdoings done to other people, I naturally feel sadness that such things happen and then I try to focus on the many good things that people do in our world every day.  Some distraction coping techniques are doing physical exercises, taking a walk, reading, doing housework–any activity that helps us to focus on something other than the disturbing behavior.  An additional benefit of distraction techniques is that not only are we not giving energy to the negativity of what has been said or done, we are also doing things that are good for us and that give us a sense of accomplishment.

It’s natural to feel righteous anger when we read or hear about hurtful acts, righteous anger meaning the anger we feel because we care about others and because we want people to act morally.  And, even though it’s emotionally healthy to safeguard our inner peace, that doesn’t mean we don’t have empathy for others who have been mistreated.  When possible, we should do what we can to help those who have been wronged.

Having inner peace is a gift from our Creator.  As with all blessings we’ve been given, it’s not something we’ve earned or deserve.  It’s a gift that helps us to follow the life path we have been created to follow.

“Learning to live with ambiguity is learning to live with how life really is, full of complexities and strange surprises.”

This quote is by James Hollis from his book What Matters Most:  Living a More Considered Life.  Dr. Hollis is a Jungian analyst, author, and speaker.  He has written several books, all of which I highly recommend.

As is the case for many people, I struggle with ambiguity, even though I have lived long enough to know that, as Dr. Hollis says, ambiguity is “how life really is.”  Part of the difficulty is that western culture emphasizes that answers to problems we encounter are clear and straightforward and that we can be in control of what happens in our lives.  There is a sense of security and comfort in those ideas, but there are many times when that is not the case because life is not that simple.  It’s only when we acknowledge the complexities of life that we will be better able to respond in an effective way to things that occur.

One of the unexpected happenings I’ve experienced is a family member choosing to estrange herself from me.  I know from my work talking with people who call the crisis line and through reading I’ve done that estrangements are more common than I would have thought.  But even so I would never have expected it to happen in my family.  What added to the emotional hurt was not knowing the reason for the person’s decision to end any communication with me, and she would not talk with me about it.  I acknowledge that I make mistakes, but I couldn’t think of anything I had said or done that could have resulted in her decision to end our relationship.  After experiencing much sadness, self-questioning, wondering, and wishing it wasn’t happening, I needed to accept it as something not in my control to change and also that I would not be able to know the reasons for her decision.  I had grieved the loss and needed to move on, and to be thankful for the people in my life with whom I have close relationships.

Thankfully, not all of the unexpected happenings in our lives are as emotionally hurtful as that was for me.  Another experience about which I had various feelings and concerns was when I followed what I discerned to be a message from a dream I had that involved moving to the city where I live and work now.  Having grown up in a small town, attended college in a small city, and then worked in a mid-size city for a few years, I felt some discomfort at the idea of living in a large city.  I had that dream and moved to where I presently live 26 years ago, and much that is positive in my life has resulted from my living here.  I’m thankful I followed the dream direction.

As Dr. Hollis says, we need to learn to live with ambiguity in the various situations where it arises.  Rather than deceive ourselves that ambiguity is not part of life, we can remind ourselves that life’s unexpected occurrences are a natural part of our journey and they can result in changes that make our lives more meaningful.  They provide opportunities to develop qualities such as courage, patience, perseverance, creative problem solving, and empathy.  And at times they bring us unexpected joy.

We will all gain by being more open to life’s complexities and surprises and to the emotions they cause us to feel.  In this way we will live more genuine and grounded lives.

“Do unto Others as You Would Have Them Do unto You.”

These well-known words were spoken by Jesus and appear in the Christian Bible at Luke 6:31.  They are one of the many teachings that Jesus gave during his time on earth.  His message is clear and it seems as if it shouldn’t be hard to follow, but for many of us it is.  Or at least easier to follow in our interactions with some people and more difficult in our interactions with others.  When this quote came to mind recently, I thought of the ways I want to be treated by others.

I want to be treated with respect.  We should treat all people with respect.  To do that, we need to be watchful of our tendency to consider ourselves better than others.  If someone says or does something that decreases our respect for them, we need to be open to the possibility that that person may change.  There are situations when it is the right decision for us to no longer spend time with persons whose words and/or actions conflict with our values.  But being respectful is always the correct starting point with each person we meet.

I want to be given the benefit of the doubt.  We should approach others as being honest and trustworthy until they do or say something that shows they are not.  If that happens, we need to remember that people make mistakes, including ourselves.  When people learn from their mistakes, they grow in self-knowledge which helps them to approach future situations.

I want people to not judge me.  We are less apt to be judgmental if we remember we never know everything about other people’s lives: what behaviors were modeled for them when they were children and adolescents, whether they grew up with parents/guardians who were capable of loving them, whether they experienced or observed something that traumatized them sometime during their lives, and the other ways they have been affected by people and occurrences and even by their genetic makeup.  It’s also important when we have judgmental thoughts about others to consider to what extent psychological projection might be happening—whether that which we attribute to another person might be a reflection of something about ourselves of which we are not conscious.  And then to grow in consciousness by integrating what we’ve learned about ourselves.

There are many other qualities that I value, including wanting people to treat me with patience, kindness, and generosity.

What matters is that we try to approach each other in accepting ways, looking for the good in each person.  What matters is that in our day-to-day encounters, our trying to follow the Golden Rule would certainly add much to what is positive in our world.

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”

This quote is by Joseph Campbell, an American writer and professor of literature whose best-known book is The Hero with a Thousand Faces.

When I first read this quote, I thought of how it could refer to a person’s choice of career.  We might decide to attend college, a technical school, or some other post-high school program, or to instead apply for a job right out of high school.  It’s also fairly common to change jobs or to return to school to prepare for a different profession.  Whatever work we do makes up a large part of how we spend our time and becomes part of our identity.  And yet our occupation is only one of the many aspects of our lives for which we plan.

Campbell’s words are an observation that planning and making decisions from just an ego perspective are limiting, for there are many other influences that affect who we are and what we do.  We are affected by unforeseen occurrences, by the many people with whom we come into contact, by the way other people treat us, by the books and articles we read, by our unconscious phenomena such as projection and complexes, and in many other ways.

I believe that Campbell’s words about the life “that is waiting for us” refer to following our individual path, or trying our best to do so, by endeavoring to discern that which our inner wisdom conveys to us though our dreams, synchronicities, intuition, and unexpected happenings.  Following our path in major decisions, such as those having to do with our relationships and our career, as well as in smaller day-to-day decisions.  It also means drawing upon the courage and perseverance given to us to deal with challenges that arise, as well as experiencing the joyful times we are given.  These are all aspects of the life waiting for us when we take steps toward becoming the unique individuals we were created to be.

“Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.”

This quote by Mother Teresa helps me to remember that every effort we make toward the good matters.  Those efforts include helping others; endeavoring to be genuine, honest, and ethical; caring about the health of our earth; and trying to discern and follow our inner wisdom.

An example of where it has helped me to remember that seemingly small things matter is in my work as a crisis line counselor.  At times I feel somewhat disheartened because I want to assist the person who has called but I feel limited in what I’m able to do.  They might be struggling with depression and/or anxiety, relationship problems, perhaps loneliness.  Even though I know it would be arrogant of me to think I could make a big difference in their lives, I find myself wanting to lift the burden that is weighing them down.  Instead, I do the things that I can do:  I listen attentively, I try to have empathy and to be nonjudgmental, and I respond in a way that shows I care.  When it fits the situation and the caller seems open to it, I tell her or him about coping techniques that have helped others, self-care approaches that often help in the moment.  I know from personal experience and from what many callers have told me that these approaches are helpful, that they are “small things” that make a difference.

We need to keep in mind that what seem like small things can add much that is of value in all of our interactions with other people—people we know well, such as family members, friends, and coworkers, as well as people we don’t know.  Mother Teresa often expressed in her speaking and writing that whatever a person does with positive intentions adds to that which is positive in our world.  Through our words and our actions, we can all be a part of making our world a better place.

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.”

This quote is by physicist Albert Einstein, who is well known for his many discoveries in physics and related fields.

Learn from yesterday:  Learning takes place throughout our lives and in many ways.  From an early age, we learn by hearing what other people say; observing people’s facial expressions, gestures, and actions; interacting with others; and taking in our surroundings.  And there is the more formal learning of attending school.  We also learn by reading, not just academic reading but all genres.  All that we learn becomes a part of who we are, influencing the decisions we make on a daily basis.  The words “learn from yesterday” also remind me that we learn from mistakes we make and of how important it is to not be afraid to make mistakes, for that learning helps us too.

Live for today:  Often we have a tendency to dwell on the past or to think about the future, looking forward to things we have planned or outcomes we hope will happen.  It’s natural to sometimes think about the past and the future, but it matters very much to live in the present moment and to make the most of doing that.  Being present with those we love, focusing on the task at hand, and appreciating the positive aspects of each day.

Hope for tomorrow:  Being hopeful helps us to live a more meaningful life.  Staying hopeful is challenging at times, especially when we or someone we love is experiencing difficulty, when we are grieving, or when we think about some of the problems in our world.  And yet we need to remember that many positive, uplifting, and healing things occur every day in our world as well.  And we can do our best to do our part to add to that which is positive and hopeful.

Our Creator gives us the ability to learn from yesterday, to live for today, and to hope for tomorrow.  By trying to discern what our inner wisdom guides us to do and then trying to live according to that wisdom, we are able to do each in a more meaningful way.