Category: PersonalGrowth

“We are called to achieve personhood–to contribute most to others by becoming who we are, and standing for values that matter in this world, whatever the obstacles history provides us.”

This quote is by Jungian analyst, author, and speaker James Hollis from his book What Matters Most–Living a More Considered Life.

One of the principle concepts of Jungian theory is that each of us has the potential to grow in consciousness.  Becoming more conscious persons leads to our living more purposeful and meaningful lives.  Dr. Hollis’ words “becoming who we are” is another way of expressing this truth.  And his words “to contribute most to others” remind us that becoming more conscious not only benefits each of us as individuals, but also enables us to interact more genuinely with other people, and to better understand, have empathy for, and assist them.

Although Jungian psychological theory is not a religious-based theory per se, its emphasis on individuation clearly correlates with the teachings of many religious traditions, including Christianity.  The ongoing life-long process of individuation is basically synonymous with the life-long process of becoming the unique persons the Creator created us to be and using the abilities we’ve been given to help others.  By endeavoring to do this, we certainly do stand for values that matter, as Hollis says.

In his quote, Hollis also refers to “whatever the obstacles history provides us.”  When I read that, I thought about how all of us have personal histories as well as the history of the larger culture surrounding us, and we are affected by both.  Hollis’ words are hopeful, reminding us that we can live according to values that matter despite obstacles.

Standing for the values that matter takes courage, in particular when doing so is not supported by people we care about.  By becoming more conscious persons, we are given that courage and many other inner supports to continue our journey of “becoming who we are.”

“In prayer, it is better to have a heart without words than words without a heart.”

These words of Mahatma Gandhi remind us that prayer matters but only when we are genuinely invested in the prayers we say.

As a child I was taught certain well-known prayers—The Lord’s Prayer, the Hail Mary, and many others.  In addition to our family saying a prayer together before each meal, my parents reminded us children to always say our prayers before going to sleep each night.  I think teaching children prayers is a natural part of telling them about the Creator and introducing them to religious traditions.

As adults, however, our prayers should reflect a more personal relationship with our Creator.  If that includes continuing to say traditional prayers, then we need to be careful to not just repeat the memorized words, but to focus on what those words express and how they reflect our beliefs and our faith.  This pertains to the prayers we say during church services as well, for it can be easy to fall into a pattern of not thinking about the words that we have said so many times before.

Heartfelt prayer is personal prayer.  It is where we talk to our Creator, sharing our feelings, our concerns, and our struggles, and asking for help.  It is also praying for other people and causes, and it is a time for expressing gratitude for our blessings.  Part of having the gift of faith is accepting that our Creator knows immeasurably more than we do and has a plan for each of us, for we are all unique creations.  And that means that there will be times when what we prayer for will not happen.  This can be hard to accept but acceptance of the Divine will is also part of having faith.  And it is our personal relationship with our Creator that helps us to be accepting.  That personal relationship is also the basis for living a meaningful life.

“God doesn’t require us to succeed; God only requires that you try.”

This is a quote by Mother Teresa.  I often use her words as the basis for posts I write, for she expressed many truths during her earthly journey that I find to be helpful for my journey.  I hope those who read my blog will find her words to be helpful for their journey too.

We all have heard that making mistakes is part of being human and that we can learn from our mistakes.  It’s important to remember too that if we’re afraid that we might make mistakes, we can become stuck and not grow and change in positive ways.

We also frequently hear or read about other people’s accomplishments.  But many times those accounts do not tell about what happened along the way—the stops and starts, the challenges that needed to be dealt with.  Only by being willing to try and to continue to try despite difficulties were they able to accomplish what they did.  They didn’t give up.

That is what we need to do when we are endeavoring to follow our inner direction, the direction given to us by our Creator and by the Self (to use Jungian terminology).  We need to try and to keep on trying despite obstacles that get in our way.  Obstacles come in many forms.  Sometimes people we care about don’t understand our choices and try to talk us out of them or they distance themselves from us, which can be very hurtful.  Another common challenge is our ego’s resistance to making changes, resistance that takes energy to overcome.  And there are many distractions in our modern world that we need to make an effort to avoid.

It is by trying, by making efforts, that we affirm our intention to work toward doing what we believe we are supposed to do.  As Mother Teresa said, it is by trying that we are doing what God requires.

“The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago. The second best time is now.” — Chinese proverb

I came upon this quote in a book I was reading recently.  The book is about ecology and emphasizes the importance of protecting forests because they are integral to the health of our earth and its atmosphere, and to the wellness of human beings and many other creatures.  When I read the quote, I thought about how it pertains to many other aspects of our lives as well.

We often hear or read about the importance of setting goals and then working toward reaching those goals.  Having goals can be a source of hope and working toward them can add to our sense of purpose.  And yet it’s fairly common for us to have ideas of what we would like to accomplish but then to put off taking the steps required to make those ideas a reality.  It takes self-discipline and there are many distractions in our modern world that readily give us excuses to put off taking those steps.  In order to make progress, we need to embrace the idea that the “second best time is now” so that we will begin doing that which ideally we should have started doing already.

It’s essential to distinguish between direction given to us by our inner voice and goals that are only ego-based.  Inner direction comes to us through dreams, synchronicities, intuition, and unexpected life experiences, all of which are phenomena that we do not cause to happen but that instead happen to us.

The fact that the promptings we receive in these ways are to help us live more genuine lives and to use the abilities and blessings we’ve been given does not mean trying to follow inner direction is easy.  And yet when we endeavor to make changes in order to live in ways that we’ve done our best to discern are from our inner voice, there is a sense of “this is what matters, this is what I’m called to do.”  And we are given help from the universe to have the courage, creativity, energy, and perseverance that we need in order to move forward along our path.

Trying to hear our inner voice, to discern its messages, and to follow the direction we’re given—direction that is unique to each of us—is essential to our emotional and spiritual well-being.

“Gratitude to God is to accept everything, even my problems, with joy.”

This quotation is by Mother Teresa, a person known to have been someone who gave of herself as an individual and through the charitable organizations she founded to assist people who were experiencing some of the most difficult situations.  She and others in those organizations helped people who were living in poverty, provided care to people dying from terminal illnesses, and in many other ways endeavored to treat people in need with dignity.  And that work continues.

Even though I know from personal experience and from the reading I’ve done that all people are faced with difficulties and challenges from time to time, I often struggle to accept that reality.  At times I feel some shame about this, especially when I think of the dire situations that many people endure in comparison to the difficulties I’ve experienced.  In fact, the women and men whom I admire and respect most—both those who lived in the past whom I’ve learned about through historical accounts as well as people in the present—faced adversity with courage and perseverance.

In her quote, Mother Teresa speaks of gratitude. As I’ve written in other posts, I believe being thankful for and not taking for granted the many positive aspects of our lives is something we should be mindful of.  It’s easy to be thankful for that which our ego wants.  The challenge comes when there are occurrences that our ego doesn’t want—that is when our resistance gets in the way of being thankful.  Mother Teresa not only expresses gratitude, but gratitude even for her problems, and not just acceptance, but acceptance with joy.

Meaningful change usually requires taking steps—one step at a time, as we often hear.  The first step is to endeavor to become more accepting.  The next step is to work toward recognizing that we need to be thankful even for problems when they occur because they are part of our life path and help us to grow and change in positive ways.  After being able to do that, we will be more ready to take the third step of accepting our problems with joy.  It very likely will take time to complete each step, and that’s OK.  We need to be patient with ourselves.  And we need to remember that every step we take matters.

“If the only prayer you said was thank you, that would be enough.”

This quote is by Meister Eckhart, a German theologian, philosopher, and mystic who lived from 1260 to 1328.

There are many types of prayer.  Often we pray to ask for something we want or something we hope will happen.  Such prayers matter, especially when they are not for egocentric purposes.  But we also need to remember that we have many reasons to say prayers that, rather than asking for something from our Creator, instead say thank you to our Creator for what we already have.

It can be easy to take for granted various aspects of our lives.  Many of us have good health, a nice place to live, employment, enough food, and people who care about us.  And for many of us, these blessings have been available to us with little or no effort on our parts.  So in a way they’re just expected.  That certainly isn’t the case for many people in the world.  We need to recognize the blessings we’ve been given and be thankful, and to express our gratitude through prayer.

When praying for someone we care about who is going through a difficult time, we should also say a prayer of thanks that that person has been and is in our life and for how knowing him or her has enriched our life.  When praying for help when we are going through a difficult time, we should also say a prayer of thanksgiving for the help we’ve received at other times and also for the more peaceful times we’ve experienced.

Prayers of thanksgiving help us to be humble, serve as reminders of the many gifts we have been given, and help us to grow closer to our Creator.

As a child I was taught from an early age that being angry is wrong.  I’m sure my parents were taught that as children as were their parents.  I’m also sure my parents believed good Christians didn’t get angry.

It wasn’t until I was a young adult that I started to realize that being angry is a natural human emotion.  That became especially clear when I was attending a support group when I was in my 20s.  A woman who was then in her 50s shared with those of us in the group that when she was a young adult several male clergy used her for sexual gratification.  After hearing about her experience, I found myself feeling anger that those men took advantage of her vulnerability, and then I felt some guilt about being angry.  We talked about our reactions in the group, and the psychotherapist who was facilitating said the anger that I and others were expressing was totally appropriate.

Anger is one of the many emotions that we as human beings feel.  Just as we experience sadness, joy, fear, and contentment, there are also times when we are angry.  A person who doesn’t feel emotions is limited in her or his ability to have empathy for and relate to others and is limited in experiencing life more fully in general.

It isn’t being angry that’s the problem.  It is how we act and react when something happens that causes that emotion in us.  It’s important to take a step back and ask ourselves what is the cause of how we’re feeling.  One reason it’s helpful to know about psychological projection is to ask ourselves when we’re feeling a strong emotion about another person or group, including anger toward them, whether we might be projecting something about ourselves onto them and then exploring that.

There are times, however, when our feelings of anger are not projection.  They are a healthy response to something that should not have happened or be happening, a response to something that is intrinsically wrong.  At those times, anger can be a kind of energy that can be used in a positive way.  The anger that those of us in the support group felt and expressed showed the woman who had shared how she had been treated that we cared about her.  Similarly, anger about any forms of injustice and cruelty can be the impetus for doing our part and living in a way that counteracts injustice and cruelty.

When that happens, our “appropriate anger” is a response of hope.

“Generosity is the most natural outward expression of an inner attitude of compassion and loving-kindness.”

This quote is by the Dalai Lama.  Compassion and loving-kindness are two of the themes about which he often speaks and writes, emphasizing that those qualities are essential for us to have in order to make our world a better place.

There are tangible and intangible forms of generosity, both of which matter very much.  For any decisions we make, we should always try to discern the guidance of our inner voice, including as to the forms of generosity we are called to do.

Some tangible forms of generosity are donating money to help support charitable organizations, the performing arts, and causes we believe in.  We can also donate clothing and household items to organizations that make them available to people in need.  Volunteering our time, energy, and skills is another tangible form of generosity.

Some examples of intangible forms of generosity are being nonjudgmental, having empathy, expressing concern, and treating others with respect.  We are also generous when we listen to others, giving them our full attention.

We can become more generous people in the sense the Dalai Lama refers to by trying to be aware of prejudices we might have and by taking note of the degree of our self-centeredness.  Gaining this awareness is the first step toward making changes.

The more of us who make those changes, the better our world will be.  And this will result in more people being the recipients of compassion and loving-kindness, which is as it should be.

“For each one of us, there is only one thing necessary: to fulfill our own destiny, according to God’s will, to be what God wants us to be.”

This quote is by Thomas Merton, who was a monk, writer, poet, mystic, and social activist.  These words are from his book of essays entitled No Man Is an Island.  They remind us of what matters most:  Each of us trying to discern the Creator’s will for ourselves and then endeavoring to live as our Creator wants us to live.

The idea of living a purposeful and meaningful life is emphasized in religious terms, as Merton has done, in Jungian psychological theory, as I’ve written about in other posts, and in many works of literature.  Some Jungian psychotherapists write about how religious and Jungian psychological ideas overlap.  It seems to me, as well as to many authors whose books I have read, that believing each of us has an inner voice that wants to guide us in our daily living corresponds to embracing the Jungian concept of the Self that helps to guide us toward individuation.  Choosing to approach life through a Jungian psychological lens or through a religious/spiritual lens, or through both, will lead us in the right direction.

Endeavoring to listen for and follow inner wisdom refers to every aspect of our lives.  It affects how we experience our relationships with others, our ability to love genuinely, the way we approach the work we do, how we spend our time when we’re not working, and every choice we make.  What matters is that we try.  All of us will make mistakes along the way, for we are human.  No person is perfect.  Some of what we learn as we travel our earthly journey is learned from making mistakes and then trying again.

We learn in many other ways, as well:  By paying attention to our dreams, noticing when projection might have occurred, trying to find the possible meanings of synchronicities, and acknowledging and being thankful when unexpected help from the universe is given to us.  In these and other ways, we take the steps needed toward fulfilling our destiny.  Our destiny according to God’s will.

“Every human being, of whatever origin, of whatever station, deserves respect. We must each respect others even as we respect ourselves.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I recently attended a meeting of employees of the agency where I work as a crisis line counselor.  The crisis line service is one of several programs of the agency.  The meeting had been scheduled because a few employees felt that some administrative staff hadn’t addressed certain matters as those employees thought they should have.  The goals of the meeting were to make it possible for all staff to hear each other’s points of view, to clarify misunderstandings, and to talk about possible procedural changes if it was determined such changes were needed.

Although the majority of employees who spoke at the meeting did so in a respectful way and showed empathy for those who were being criticized, I was surprised and disheartened by the way some employees expressed themselves.  It was as if their goal was to verbally attack the administrative staff rather than to gain a better understanding of the perspectives of each person involved.  Their overly critical and demeaning approach made me think about how assertiveness and aggressiveness are not the same.  Assertiveness involves presenting one’s point of view in a respectful way.  Aggressiveness involves trying to control others, putting one’s needs first, and not caring about the feelings and needs of others.

As I listened to the verbal attacks, I thought about how that way of acting is encouraged and applauded by certain websites, news outlets, politicians, and celebrities.  Not all, thankfully, but some.  And some is too many.

The behavior I observed at the meeting reflected what sometimes happens in other interactions, be they between two people in a relationship or between leaders of nations.  But just as the majority of those employees who spoke at the meeting did so with integrity and empathy and with the intention of improving the agency, such a respectful approach is often true in many other situations where people discuss problems or concerns.  That is hopeful.  Because verbal attacks only cause harm.  Nothing positive results from them.

Treating others with respect includes recognizing the basic dignity of every person, as is reflected in the quotation above by philosopher, abolitionist, and poet Ralph Waldo Emerson.