Category: PersonalGrowth

“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.”

This is a quote by Mother Teresa.  Several of my past posts are based on her words of wisdom, faith, and concern for others.  She often spoke about the connection among all human beings, and she spent most of her life helping others through the Missionaries of Charity which she founded.  Much of the work of Missionaries of Charity involves helping people who live in poverty.

There are many ways that we belong to each other, from relationships between two people to the interconnection among every person in the world, for we all share this earth.  There are connections between parents and their children, wives and husbands, teachers and their students, volunteers and the recipients of the volunteers’ assistance.  All of these and other ways of relating, when approached from the heart, add meaning and specialness to people’s lives.  We relate to others through our actions and the choices we make as well as by what we say.  In our families, at our jobs, in doing volunteer work, in attending support groups, and in many additional ways we make our world a better place by doing our best to use and share the abilities we’ve been given by the Creator as we interact with others.

Each of us is unique and has been created for certain purposes.  To know what those purposes are we need to try to discern the messages from our inner voice.  Those messages come to us through the symbolism in dreams, synchronistic experiences, intuitive promptings, and unexpected happenings that seem to have symbolic meaning.  It’s also important to recognize when we’ve made mistakes, to forgive ourselves, and to try again.  By growing in consciousness in these ways, we are better able to discover our purpose, to remember that we all do belong to each other, and to experience the peace that comes from being the person we were created to be and doing those things we were created to do.

“We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors.  We borrow it from our children.”  -Native American proverb

I recently read the book The Story of More by Hope Jahren.  Dr. Jahren is a geochemist and geobiologist who has received many awards for her work and findings in these fields.  In The Story of More she writes about climate change, the various causes of climate change, the serious problems that it has caused and continues to cause, and actions that can be taken to decrease those serious problems.  Jahren did considerable research to support the facts she presents in her book.  She also has an engaging and down-to-earth writing style and presents information in a clear, understandable way.

The consequences of climate change have caused much suffering and, if it isn’t taken more seriously by manufacturers, corporations, and government officials who make policy decisions, as well as by each one of us, climate change will continue to cause suffering.  Suffering resulting from more damaging storms and wildfires, reduced land mass in some areas due to rising oceans as a result of melting ice fields and glaciers, temperature changes in the oceans which affect marine life, drought in many areas, and much more.  All of these changes cause harm to human beings and also to animals and other creatures in our world.

The author points out that those of us who live in the countries where the most natural resources are, and therefore who have the highest standards of living, produce the most carbon dioxide, which is the primary cause of climate change.  She also points out that a smaller percentage of people in those countries are negatively impacted by the effects of climate change as compared to many people in other parts of the world.  It is the people who live in poor countries, often in very crowded conditions, who are most adversely affected.

By choosing to take action to decrease the harmful effects of climate change, we help to decrease the suffering of others.  We also make our world healthier and safer for those who will live here after us.  That is why the quotation I chose for this post is fitting.  We have a responsibility to our children, grandchildren, and generations beyond theirs to make efforts to improve this situation.

And there is reason to believe improvements can be made.  For in addition to the information Jahren presents, she also gives reasons to be hopeful.  Although it is vital that the corporations and manufacturers make changes, Jahren identifies many actions that each of us as individuals can take to help as well:  we can be thoughtful about our food choices, avoid purchasing items that have excessive packaging, use mass transit if available, drive fuel-efficient vehicles, set our thermostats a few degrees cooler in the winter, recycle, use reusable bags when shopping, and research which companies are taking steps to be more ecologically responsible and buy products and services from them.  There are many websites that outline these and additional ideas.  And the more of us who take these and other actions, the greater will be the results.

It takes effort to make changes.  As we endeavor to change habits and to live in a more ecologically responsible way, perhaps it will help to remember the quotation I’ve cited.  Instead of thinking of the resources we presently have access to as “ours,” we can remind ourselves that they are resources that belong to future generations as well.  And that we are borrowing them for now and will be good caretakers of them for others.

“No one has ever become poor by giving.”

This quotation is attributed to Anne Frank, who, along with her family and others, needed to go into hiding during World War II because they were Jewish and Hitler’s Nazis were imprisoning Jewish people.  After being in hiding from 1942-1944, they were discovered and transported to concentration camps.  Anne was only 15 years old when she became ill and died.  Her father was the only one in her family who survived, and when he returned to where they had lived, he discovered her diary.  Through his endeavors, Anne’s diary was published with the title The Diary of a Young Girl.  In reading it, I’ve been impressed by the wisdom Anne possessed at such a young age.

Anne’s statement “No one has ever become poor by giving” brings to mind the many ways that we can give.

We can be generous with our time by, when we’re with our children or grandchildren, giving them our undivided attention; by being there for our spouse or partner when she or he needs us; by visiting and calling elderly people who can no longer drive and who spend a lot of time alone; and by volunteering to help with causes that we believe matter.

We can be generous with the abilities we’ve been given by volunteering in programs to tutor children, by teaching English to people who have come to our country from other countries, or by teaching other types of skills at which we’ve become proficient.

We can be generous with the money we’ve been given by donating to nonprofit and charitable organizations to help them continue operating and working toward their goals of improving people’s lives.  We can also be generous with the money we’ve been given by donating to arts organizations to enable dance, music, theater, the visual arts, and other art forms to thrive and to be available to others to enjoy.

When I write the words “abilities we’ve been given” and “money we’ve been given,” I do so as a reminder that everything we have has been given to us by the Creator.  It’s important that all of us who have been blessed with talents, intelligence, good health, and/or loving relationships keep in mind the source of those blessings.  By giving in any of the ways I’ve listed or in other ways, we help to improve the quality of life for others.  By being generous, not only do we not “become poor by giving,” but the opposite happens:  by giving, our lives are enriched.

“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.”

This is a quote by the Dalai Lama.  He often speaks and writes about compassion, emphasizing the importance of having this quality when we interact with others and also in how we think about other people, including people of other ethnicities, races, religious traditions, and cultures than those with which we are familiar.

Thinking about compassion reminds me of the expression “walking in another person’s shoes.”  We become more compassionate when we try to gain a sense of what it might be like to be that other person, to consider that that person has experienced difficulties and has been confronted by challenges we do not know about.  And to remember that some people do not have others in their lives who care about them, that blessing that is so helpful to those of us who do.

In my work as a crisis line counselor, I try to be compassionate.  I remind myself that, no matter how much the person who calls shares with me, there is still so much about her or him I do not know.  This helps me not only to have compassion but also to refrain from making assumptions about the person.  Too often people make judgments about others based on their perceptions of them, and those perceptions are based on limited knowledge about the life experiences of the people they are judging.  Related to this, we need to keep in mind the concept of projection and to try to notice whether what we perceive about a person might be us projecting negative aspects of ourselves onto them.  Although projection is an unconscious phenomenon and therefore not something we consciously do, we can be watchful of when it might be happening, especially at those times when we have strong negative feelings about the other person.

In his quote, the Dalai Lama makes an especially strong statement when he says without love and compassion humanity cannot survive.  I think of his words in two ways.  Humanity as a whole would end if love and compassion no longer existed, for those qualities are needed for nurturing, teaching, providing for, creating, healing—all aspects of life that are essential.  His words also cause me to think about how each of us has our individual humanity.  His words are a reminder for us to look into ourselves and contemplate the degree to which we have compassion and love for others.

Humanity is made up of every one of us doing what we can to make our world a better place, each of us trying to grow in the qualities that make life meaningful for ourselves and for others.

“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.”  This quote is by Robert Louis Stevenson, a Scottish novelist and poet who lived in the nineteenth century.  Two of his best known novels are Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and Treasure Island.

Very often the quotes I choose to write about serve as helpful reminders to me.  This quote is a reminder that the seemingly small things we do each day do matter; they have an effect on people.  And remembering that helps me to remain hopeful.  Sometimes thinking about the things that are wrong in our world can cause us to feel discouraged, making it difficult for us to believe things can improve.  We want so much to see clearly visible positive change.  And when we don’t, it’s easy to fall into the trap of losing hope.  But when we remember that small, incremental change has led to and continues to lead to positive results, we are able to stay hopeful.  The small, incremental changes are seeds that were planted by people through their actions and words.

Through our words and actions, through the choices we make and the way that we live, we “plant seeds” every day.  We plant the seeds of positive change by treating others with respect and compassion, by being fully present with and listening to others, and by expressing appreciation and gratitude.  By reading to children, we plant the seeds of a love of reading that has the potential of benefiting them throughout their lives.  And by doing whatever work we were created to do to the best of our ability, each of us is an example that will help others on their life paths.

I often think of the idea of “planting seeds” in my work as a crisis line counselor.  Unlike a counseling setting where the counselor and the client meet on a regular basis and therefore have the potential of building on what has occurred in each of their previous sessions, listening to and talking with someone who calls a crisis line is a one-time occurrence.  When the person who calls shares with me her or his reason for calling, I try to do what is possible in the moment to assist.  In giving the person my full attention, communicating empathy, and talking with him or her about self-care possibilities to try, I hope that our work together is planting seeds of ideas that will be useful after the call and be another step toward emotional healing.

As I said, Stevenson’s words serve as a helpful reminder to me.  I hope you will find his words to be a helpful reminder to you too.

Christian singer-songwriter Amy Grant has written or co-written many songs over the years.  One song that I especially like is “Thy Word” which she co-wrote with singer-songwriter Michael W. Smith.  The song opens with the words “Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.”  Those lyrics are also the chorus of the song.

I think of the words “Thy word” as referring to the scriptures and perhaps to other religious writings as well.  Reading and contemplating sacred writings can be personally meaningful and help us as we live each day.  For me, “Thy word” also refers to the messages we discern as we try to listen to our inner voice.  Those messages come to us from the Creator through significant life experiences, intuition, dreams, and synchronicities.

The emphasis on light in the lyrics is also meaningful.  In the song, light is referred to both as “a lamp unto my feet” and “a light unto my path.”  Light helps us to see more clearly, something that is always welcome.  Those times when we are faced with difficulties often feel like times of darkness.  When they have passed, it’s as if we are once again in the light.  The expression “being in the dark” describes times when we don’t understand something or are having trouble figuring out an answer to a problem.  Once we do understand it or figure it out, we’re no longer in the dark.

In dreams, spacious rooms with large windows letting in sunlight can symbolize a healthy ego attitude, which is when our ego decisions and actions align with how our inner voice wants us to live.  When that alignment happens, we grow in consciousness and thus live in a more genuine and centered way.

Other lyrics in the song refer to those times when we feel as though we’ve lost our way or when our hearts wander, but then remembering that our Lord is there beside us and is always ready to be our guide.  It’s important that we remind ourselves of our Creator’s presence, especially during times of darkness.  And then to be thankful for being guided back into the light so that we again are able to see and follow the path we were created to follow.

“Make me an instrument of Your peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy.”  These words are the first part of the Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi, an Italian friar and mystic who lived in the thirteenth century, who loved nature and its creatures, and who is considered the patron saint of animals and ecology.

Each phrase of the prayer asks our Creator to help the person who is saying the prayer to assist in whatever way she or he can with the process of transforming something difficult and negative into something healing and positive.  I use the words “process of transforming” because usually it takes time for such changes to happen, which requires patience along with the belief that such transformations can and do happen.

The words of this prayer remind me that, for our own spiritual growth and growth in consciousness, there will be times of questioning and doubt, times of sadness and despair.  But because at other times we have experienced joy, hope, and being loved, and have witnessed or read about those experiences happening for other people, we are able to persevere through the darker times.

The words “make me an instrument of Your peace” are meaningful to me in that they remind me of the many times the Creator has worked through other people to help me on my path:  a therapist I met with when I was going through a difficult period and from whom I learned about dream work and Jungian concepts that have helped me so much; creative and courageous authors of books I have read through which I’ve learned about many aspects of our world, that have added to my consciousness, and that have positively affected my relationships with others; people who have played a role in bringing about unexpected occurrences that have happened just when I needed them most.

The Creator worked through these people. They were the Creator’s instruments.  Each of us can also be the Creator’s instrument in whatever ways we are called on to assist others and to live more productive and meaningful lives.

In my work as a crisis line counselor, I’ve spoken with many people who called looking for help.  Some were grieving a loss, some were struggling with feelings of anxiety, some were worried about loved ones who had addiction problems, some were depressed.  In each case, they felt a need to talk to someone.  And the best help I could give them was to listen.  To listen without judgment and to give them my full attention.

It’s important for people in counseling-related fields to be good listeners.  It has been shown to be one of the most therapeutic things a counselor can do.  That has been borne out in my experience because often people who called told me it meant a lot to them that I gave them the opportunity to express how they were feeling.  Sometimes they chose to call a crisis line because they didn’t feel comfortable talking with someone they knew, either not wanting that person to worry about them and in some cases being concerned the person might not maintain confidentiality.  And sometimes the person who called had a counselor, but it helped them to talk to someone for a few minutes between their counseling sessions.

Being good listeners doesn’t apply only to people in the helping professions.  It’s something all of us should endeavor to be.  It’s one of the best things we can do in any of our relationships—with our spouse or partner, our children, and other people we care about.  Too often when someone is talking to us, instead of giving our full attention to that person, we’re thinking about what our response will be or what we plan to do when the conversation is over.  It takes practice and a willingness to share some time with another person in order to be a good listener.

Although in this post I’ve focused on listening to others when they’re struggling with problems, giving people our full attention is a wonderful gift in other situations too.  Listening as children tell us about something they did or observed adds to their feeling good about themselves because we show them we value what they want to share with us; listening to elderly persons talk about how their day went acknowledges that their lives matter even as they’ve needed to adjust to the changes that growing older brings; listening to coworkers helps them feel better about the work they’re doing; listening to our spouse or partner conveys our love for them.  These are a few of the many ways that being listened to makes a difference in people’s lives.

Attentive and caring listening is a valuable quality for anyone to have.  There’s no question this world would be a better place if more of us would prioritize and embrace that quality.

“Most of us have two lives.  The life we live and the unlived life within us.  Between the two stands Resistance.”  This quote is by author Steven Pressfield and appears in his book The War of Art:  Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles.

In his book, Pressfield writes about the nature of resistance, including the many forms it takes.  He capitalizes the word “Resistance” throughout the book, signifying the considerable influence it has on each of us.  Although, as the subtitle indicates, Pressfield emphasizes how resistance makes it difficult for us to access and express our creativity, he also points out how it makes it more difficult for us to work toward any types of goals.  It gets in the way of our resolution to spend more time with our children, to eat more nutritiously, to start or continue an exercise program, and so on.  Its goal is to keep us from succeeding in endeavors that make our lives more purposeful.  It is often successful in doing this because, as Pressfield says, in order to overcome resistance, we must be willing to do the work.  And too often we don’t want to do that.

One of the ways resistance affects me is in writing posts for this blog.  It’s that voice in my head that says I cannot come up with an idea to write about and/or many people have already written about so and so and/or I’ll probably have an idea tomorrow so I won’t write today and/or who am I to think I have anything to contribute by writing a blog?  That’s how resistance works; it gives us all kinds of reasons not to do what it would be best for us to do.  When I say “best for us to do” I’m referring to doing those things that we were created to do, those things that we have discerned by trying to listen to our inner voice.  That’s the voice in our heart rather than the voice in our head.

No one said following our inner guidance is easy, although there are times when it’s as if the universe does give us unexpected help to do that.  Following our inner direction requires that we do the work, make the effort.  It means we set aside our ego desires to do the things that have value.  That we recognize the many forms resistance takes, acknowledge its presence, make the choice to ignore it, and then do what we know is best for us to do.

I encourage you to read The War of Art.  As a friend of mine said, it’s a jewel of a book.  I agree.

“Naturally, when we are up against a difficult situation we hope it will end. We hope we or our friends or family will recover from the illness, that the world situation will improve, that business will get better.  But we must be prepared to fall back on a greater hope:  that no matter how things work out there is a Reality behind it all in which hope can truly be grounded.”  This quote about hope is from Jungian analyst and author John A. Sanford’s book The Strange Trial of Mr. Hyde.

I chose the theme of hope for my blog because having hope is essential, especially during those times when answers aren’t clear.  There are times when things go along smoothly, we carry out our day-to-day routines, and we have enjoyable times with people we care about.  But at other times we are faced with challenges which require us to try to discern how best to approach them.  Life’s challenges vary in level of seriousness, in what and whom they affect, and in the degree to which we have control over resolving them.

Especially during those times when we have little or no control over the outcome of a situation, such as when something emotionally painful happens and we’re in the midst of experiencing that pain, we need to put our hope in the Creator.  As Sanford puts it, we need “to fall back on a greater hope.”  As mere human beings, we cannot know the Creator’s plan for how and why certain things happen, but having trust in that Reality will help us through those difficult times.

I’m thankful for the gift of faith, but I know it can be tested.  As much as part of me doesn’t want to have to experience distressing and sorrowful things, trusting that the Creator knows far better than I helps me undergo life’s difficulties.  I know from experience that the often quoted saying “This too shall pass” is true.  And that our Creator is with us as we go through the dark times as well as when we once again step into the light.