Category: PersonalGrowth

“If the only prayer you said was thank you, that would be enough.”

This quote is by Meister Eckhart, a German theologian, philosopher, and mystic who lived from 1260 to 1328.

There are many types of prayer.  Often we pray to ask for something we want or something we hope will happen.  Such prayers matter, especially when they are not for egocentric purposes.  But we also need to remember that we have many reasons to say prayers that, rather than asking for something from our Creator, instead say thank you to our Creator for what we already have.

It can be easy to take for granted various aspects of our lives.  Many of us have good health, a nice place to live, employment, enough food, and people who care about us.  And for many of us, these blessings have been available to us with little or no effort on our parts.  So in a way they’re just expected.  That certainly isn’t the case for many people in the world.  We need to recognize the blessings we’ve been given and be thankful, and to express our gratitude through prayer.

When praying for someone we care about who is going through a difficult time, we should also say a prayer of thanks that that person has been and is in our life and for how knowing him or her has enriched our life.  When praying for help when we are going through a difficult time, we should also say a prayer of thanksgiving for the help we’ve received at other times and also for the more peaceful times we’ve experienced.

Prayers of thanksgiving help us to be humble, serve as reminders of the many gifts we have been given, and help us to grow closer to our Creator.

As a child I was taught from an early age that being angry is wrong.  I’m sure my parents were taught that as children as were their parents.  I’m also sure my parents believed good Christians didn’t get angry.

It wasn’t until I was a young adult that I started to realize that being angry is a natural human emotion.  That became especially clear when I was attending a support group when I was in my 20s.  A woman who was then in her 50s shared with those of us in the group that when she was a young adult several male clergy used her for sexual gratification.  After hearing about her experience, I found myself feeling anger that those men took advantage of her vulnerability, and then I felt some guilt about being angry.  We talked about our reactions in the group, and the psychotherapist who was facilitating said the anger that I and others were expressing was totally appropriate.

Anger is one of the many emotions that we as human beings feel.  Just as we experience sadness, joy, fear, and contentment, there are also times when we are angry.  A person who doesn’t feel emotions is limited in her or his ability to have empathy for and relate to others and is limited in experiencing life more fully in general.

It isn’t being angry that’s the problem.  It is how we act and react when something happens that causes that emotion in us.  It’s important to take a step back and ask ourselves what is the cause of how we’re feeling.  One reason it’s helpful to know about psychological projection is to ask ourselves when we’re feeling a strong emotion about another person or group, including anger toward them, whether we might be projecting something about ourselves onto them and then exploring that.

There are times, however, when our feelings of anger are not projection.  They are a healthy response to something that should not have happened or be happening, a response to something that is intrinsically wrong.  At those times, anger can be a kind of energy that can be used in a positive way.  The anger that those of us in the support group felt and expressed showed the woman who had shared how she had been treated that we cared about her.  Similarly, anger about any forms of injustice and cruelty can be the impetus for doing our part and living in a way that counteracts injustice and cruelty.

When that happens, our “appropriate anger” is a response of hope.

“Generosity is the most natural outward expression of an inner attitude of compassion and loving-kindness.”

This quote is by the Dalai Lama.  Compassion and loving-kindness are two of the themes about which he often speaks and writes, emphasizing that those qualities are essential for us to have in order to make our world a better place.

There are tangible and intangible forms of generosity, both of which matter very much.  For any decisions we make, we should always try to discern the guidance of our inner voice, including as to the forms of generosity we are called to do.

Some tangible forms of generosity are donating money to help support charitable organizations, the performing arts, and causes we believe in.  We can also donate clothing and household items to organizations that make them available to people in need.  Volunteering our time, energy, and skills is another tangible form of generosity.

Some examples of intangible forms of generosity are being nonjudgmental, having empathy, expressing concern, and treating others with respect.  We are also generous when we listen to others, giving them our full attention.

We can become more generous people in the sense the Dalai Lama refers to by trying to be aware of prejudices we might have and by taking note of the degree of our self-centeredness.  Gaining this awareness is the first step toward making changes.

The more of us who make those changes, the better our world will be.  And this will result in more people being the recipients of compassion and loving-kindness, which is as it should be.

“For each one of us, there is only one thing necessary: to fulfill our own destiny, according to God’s will, to be what God wants us to be.”

This quote is by Thomas Merton, who was a monk, writer, poet, mystic, and social activist.  These words are from his book of essays entitled No Man Is an Island.  They remind us of what matters most:  Each of us trying to discern the Creator’s will for ourselves and then endeavoring to live as our Creator wants us to live.

The idea of living a purposeful and meaningful life is emphasized in religious terms, as Merton has done, in Jungian psychological theory, as I’ve written about in other posts, and in many works of literature.  Some Jungian psychotherapists write about how religious and Jungian psychological ideas overlap.  It seems to me, as well as to many authors whose books I have read, that believing each of us has an inner voice that wants to guide us in our daily living corresponds to embracing the Jungian concept of the Self that helps to guide us toward individuation.  Choosing to approach life through a Jungian psychological lens or through a religious/spiritual lens, or through both, will lead us in the right direction.

Endeavoring to listen for and follow inner wisdom refers to every aspect of our lives.  It affects how we experience our relationships with others, our ability to love genuinely, the way we approach the work we do, how we spend our time when we’re not working, and every choice we make.  What matters is that we try.  All of us will make mistakes along the way, for we are human.  No person is perfect.  Some of what we learn as we travel our earthly journey is learned from making mistakes and then trying again.

We learn in many other ways, as well:  By paying attention to our dreams, noticing when projection might have occurred, trying to find the possible meanings of synchronicities, and acknowledging and being thankful when unexpected help from the universe is given to us.  In these and other ways, we take the steps needed toward fulfilling our destiny.  Our destiny according to God’s will.

“Every human being, of whatever origin, of whatever station, deserves respect. We must each respect others even as we respect ourselves.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I recently attended a meeting of employees of the agency where I work as a crisis line counselor.  The crisis line service is one of several programs of the agency.  The meeting had been scheduled because a few employees felt that some administrative staff hadn’t addressed certain matters as those employees thought they should have.  The goals of the meeting were to make it possible for all staff to hear each other’s points of view, to clarify misunderstandings, and to talk about possible procedural changes if it was determined such changes were needed.

Although the majority of employees who spoke at the meeting did so in a respectful way and showed empathy for those who were being criticized, I was surprised and disheartened by the way some employees expressed themselves.  It was as if their goal was to verbally attack the administrative staff rather than to gain a better understanding of the perspectives of each person involved.  Their overly critical and demeaning approach made me think about how assertiveness and aggressiveness are not the same.  Assertiveness involves presenting one’s point of view in a respectful way.  Aggressiveness involves trying to control others, putting one’s needs first, and not caring about the feelings and needs of others.

As I listened to the verbal attacks, I thought about how that way of acting is encouraged and applauded by certain websites, news outlets, politicians, and celebrities.  Not all, thankfully, but some.  And some is too many.

The behavior I observed at the meeting reflected what sometimes happens in other interactions, be they between two people in a relationship or between leaders of nations.  But just as the majority of those employees who spoke at the meeting did so with integrity and empathy and with the intention of improving the agency, such a respectful approach is often true in many other situations where people discuss problems or concerns.  That is hopeful.  Because verbal attacks only cause harm.  Nothing positive results from them.

Treating others with respect includes recognizing the basic dignity of every person, as is reflected in the quotation above by philosopher, abolitionist, and poet Ralph Waldo Emerson.

“I used to pray that God would feed the hungry, or do this or that, but now I pray that God will guide me to do whatever I’m supposed to do, what I can do. I used to pray for answers, but now I’m praying for strength. I used to believe that prayer changes things, but now I know that prayer changes us and we change things.”

These words of Mother Teresa reflect how her approach to prayer evolved as she grew older and had more life experiences.  When she says she prays that God will guide her to do whatever she is supposed to do and what she is able to do, she is affirming her faith.  Asking for and receiving direction from our Creator are essential to living a purposeful life.  And acknowledging that we are only able to do whatever direction we are given because our Creator makes it possible for us to do that is a truth we need to embrace.

When I was a young adult I would sometimes question whether I should pray, mostly because I wondered whether praying would have any effect.  As a child I was taught and I still do believe that our Creator determines what does or doesn’t happen, and therefore it seemed to me that praying wouldn’t make a difference.  I’ve continued to pray, however, both because Jesus prayed and taught people to pray and because praying is one of the ways that I feel a connection to the Divine.  I also believe that heartfelt praying adds positive and healing energy to our world.  I pray each day–praying for family members and friends, praying for all the people and creatures in our world who are suffering, saying prayers of thanksgiving, praying for causes that I believe matter, and praying for guidance.

Mother Teresa’s words that “prayer changes us” and that by being changed we are able to “change things” are insightful.  The positive and healing energy of prayer and our sense of connection to the Divine when we pray, combined with our hope and desire to do our part to make this a better world, all help to bring about changes within ourselves.  It’s important to acknowledge such changes with humility, for they are gifts.  And it is through being changed that we are more able to hear inner guidance, to access our creativity, including to do creative problem solving, to take action, and to persevere as we do our best to act on the guidance we’ve been given.  And thus to do our part to “change things,” to use Mother Teresa’s words, for the better.

“My obligation is to do the right thing.  The rest is in God’s hands.”

This quotation by Martin Luther King, Jr. speaks of purpose and of faith.  Having both are essential to living in a meaningful way.

In order to find our purpose we need to try to discern the messages of our inner voice.  We do this by paying attention to intuitive promptings, writing down our dreams and being open to what the images and actions of our dreams might symbolize, recognizing as gifts from the universe unexpected happenings that lead us to make positive changes, and noticing synchronistic occurrences and their possible meanings.  It’s also important to remember that what our ego wants to have or to do can be deceptive, sometimes seeming to be inner direction when it isn’t.  Therefore, we need to become more adept at distinguishing ego desires from inner guidance.  And we need to pray to our Creator to help us to discern those things we were created to do and to help us to do them.

I recently watched a film, part of which depicted some of the peaceful protesting that people did during the 1960s civil rights movement.  It included Dr. King preparing the people who would participate in the protests by teaching them about nonviolent resistance and guiding them to be as ready as possible for what they would experience.  The film also included footage from the actual occurrences that took place during that time.  As I watched the peaceful protesters being attacked by angry white people and by the police but not fighting back, I thought about the courage that took.  The courage to put oneself in a dangerous situation because it was essential to such an important cause.  They had courage to do the right thing.

It also takes courage to leave the rest in God’s hands, to have that belief and faith.  It’s natural to wonder about and question why some things happen in our world.  And yet the only person’s actions over which we have control are our own.  Which is why it is essential to discern from within what we need to do and try our best to do what we discern.  That is how we do our part in making this a better world.  And the more people who do that, the greater difference it will make.

“Happiness derived from mere physical comfort tends to be shallow and fleeting.  It fails to pacify anxiety and fear.  Whereas if we have a calm mind it is effective in overcoming even physical pain; therefore we should not neglect the inner values that are a source of a calm mind.”

This is a quote by the Dalai Lama.  As with other people who have acquired wisdom, he is able to express much in a few words.

The Dalai Lama telling us not to neglect inner values reminds me of the importance of trying to listen to and discern messages from our inner voice.  It is by endeavoring to follow our inner direction that those values are formed.  Sometimes when I’m walking or driving and see other people, I think about how the Creator wants to speak to each of us to help guide us each day.

It’s important too that we keep in mind that, as the Dalai Lama points out, happiness which results from physical comfort is temporary happiness.  The majority of people who live in the United States and in the other wealthy countries have many forms of physical comfort, including nice places to live and an abundance and variety of food from which to choose, along with many other blessings, for which we should be thankful.  But we need to remember that acquiring possessions isn’t what matters most.  Acquiring inner values is what matters most.

When the Dalai Lama refers to the inner values, some of the values that come to mind for me are generosity, honesty, integrity, creativity, and courage.  These qualities matter far more than any material belongings.  These qualities lead to a sense of peace, to having a calm mind.

As I was driving home today, I saw groups of children playing outside in the nice weather.  They were having fun, running, playing games, smiling and laughing.  Being carefree.  Enjoying the energy and spontaneity of youth.  It brought back memories of when I was a child playing with the neighbor children and also memories of when my daughter was a child playing with her friends.

It’s important to children’s healthy development that they have opportunities to interact with other children, to be active and carefree.  Although effective parenting includes a certain amount of direction-giving and limit-setting, some parents, guardians, and other caregivers overdo these.  This can result in decreasing and possibly stifling the development of certain qualities in children, such as curiosity, a sense of exploration, and creativity—qualities that not only enhance their childhood experiences but also that affect how they approach life as adults.  As adults, these qualities make possible a more interesting and enjoyable life.  They also are the impetus for ideas that result in advances and discoveries in fields of study and research which improve the lives of a great many people in the world.

Being creative and having a sense of exploration are also vital to artists of all kinds—dancers and choreographers, playwrights and the actors who perform their plays, writers of fiction and nonfiction, musicians and composers, and creators of the many types of visual arts.  All of these artistic creations enrich our lives, are often thought-provoking, and can help us to be more in touch with our own creativity.

Many years have passed since I was a child.  How quickly the time has gone by.  I have had much to be thankful for during those years.  It is only natural and to be expected that there have been some difficult, sad, and challenging times.  But I have also been blessed with times of joy, with having a special daughter, with friendships, and with good health.  And my life has been enriched by experiencing the creations and talents of artists and performers.

One of the most helpful things we can do for our wellbeing is to remember those things for which we are thankful.

“It is our collective and individual responsibility to preserve and tend to the world in which we all live.”

This quote is by the Dalai Lama, who often writes and speaks about treating others with compassion, respect, and dignity.  When we do that, we help to preserve a way of being that has much value.  It’s one of the ways we can tend to the world which we all share.

When I think of tending to something, the image of tending to a garden comes to mind.  In order for the vegetables to grow, a gardener needs to choose a place to have the garden where there will be sunlight, and then to cultivate the soil, plant the seeds, put time and effort into weeding, and provide the plants with sufficient water.  Carefully tending to the garden will result in the gardener enjoying the tasty and nutritious vegetables when they are ready to be harvested.  And also enjoying sharing them with others.

Similarly, when we tend to the world, we both give of ourselves and are the beneficiaries of the care we give to others.  In addition to treating people with compassion, respect, and dignity, we tend to the world by listening to others, helping them, showing affection, and being genuine.  Sometimes tending to the world also requires being assertive, saying something to someone that may be uncomfortable but that needs to be said.

We also tend to the world in which we all live by doing our part to protect the health of the earth, by making choices to live in a more ecologically responsible way.  These choices usually involve some sacrifice as we change ingrained habits.  But once again we are the beneficiaries of our efforts because we help our earth to be a healthier and more beautiful place for ourselves and for future generations.

By embracing the responsibility to which the Dalai Lama refers, we can and do make a meaningful difference.