Category: PersonalGrowth

Many religious traditions teach the same or similar beliefs.  There’s an overlap in the truths they impart.  Some of these teachings are that there is an all-knowing and all-powerful divine presence and that having compassion, being humble, avoiding being judgmental, and helping others are qualities we should embrace.

Some people find it hard to believe in a divine presence.  In my work as a crisis line counselor, people sometimes call about their struggles with addiction and trying to maintain sobriety.  Although thankfully many people have been helped by attending Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous meetings, some tell me they don’t consider attending those programs because they don’t believe in a higher power.  I understand having doubts.  Although I was raised in a religious tradition and attended worship services and religious instruction classes regularly throughout my childhood and teen years, I went through a period of questioning when I was in my 20s.  Questioning when a person is a young adult is natural to that time of life.  And it can happen at any age.  Most religious traditions have compassion for people as they struggle with their beliefs.

In modern western society, the rational/materialistic approach to life is emphasized.  Using our rational thinking abilities is essential for many tasks.  But the thinking, analytic function definitely does not provide all the answers.  There are many subjective, intangible aspects of life for which there are not clear, concise, objective explanations.  Some people ridicule a person who says there are not obvious explanations and that at times we do well to accept that there are mysteries.

Having faith is a gift from the Creator, the divine presence.  Although we are not directly in control of when we will be given that gift, it is important that we “prepare the soil,” so to speak, to receive it.  Trying to follow the almost universal teachings of having compassion, not judging others, having humility, and not thinking only of our needs and wants but remembering we are part of the human community are ways to do that.

Be open to the divine.  Then prepare the soil to receive the gift of faith, to care for it, and to help it grow.

“But I know, somehow, that only when it is dark enough can you see the stars.”

One of the things I pray for is courage, courage to face the challenges that come my way.  And courage to embrace the truth that challenges and difficulties are an essential aspect of living.  As much as I know intellectually and from experience that there are times when we all must grieve the passing of loves ones, feel the disappointment of unexpected setbacks, experience illness, and deal with other challenges, there is a part of me that questions why this must be so.  The words of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. which I quoted above help me to see that there is a purpose to enduring hardship.

Dr. King and many other people displayed great courage during the civil rights movement.  Their brave words and actions and their perseverance paved the way for many people to have more opportunities and better lives.  Their example gives us guidance and hope.  As does the life of Harriett Tubman.  She endured much suffering when she was a slave, was able to escape, and then, at significant risk to herself, helped many other people escape slavery through the underground railroad.  Other people also risked their lives to help people gain freedom in this way.

The Jungian concept of individuation where we become more whole and self-actualized persons through the integration of unconscious content into consciousness certainly involves challenges.  We become aware of unconscious content from dreams, synchronicities, intuition, and meaningful life experiences, and this awareness often requires that we take actions that are difficult to do.  The difficulty is caused by our egos not wanting to follow the direction of the Self or inner voice.  It’s hard for our egos to give up control, even though in reality that sense of control is illusory.  In order to continue to grow in consciousness and therefore to have more meaningful lives, however, it is essential that we do our best to follow the inner direction we discern, despite our fears.  Just as Harriett Tubman, Martin Luther King, Jr., and many others have done.

By doing so, we go through the darkness that leads to the starlight.

“The voice of my grandfather said to me, the air is precious. It shares its spirit with all the life it supports. The wind that gave me my first breath also received my last sigh. You must keep the land and air apart and sacred, as a place where one can go to taste the wind that is sweetened by the meadow flowers.”

These beautiful words were spoken by Chief Seattle, part of a speech he made during negotiations with the U.S. government on behalf of white settlers, “negotiations” where the Native people had basically no say. He was chief of the Suquamish and Duwamish Indians in the Pacific Northwest in the mid-1800s. Even as he and his people were having their land taken from them, he asked that those who would live there after them cherish and take care of that land and water and air.

I am sometimes reminded of Chief Seattle’s words when I’m spending time outdoors. It’s early spring as I write this. Some of the migrating birds have returned and I have the pleasure of seeing them and hearing their songs. In spring there is also the gradually increasing daylight, with the sun rising earlier and setting later. And there is the aroma of budding greenery and flowers. Although I live in an urban area, there is a small lake nearby that has a walking path around it, and I enjoyed taking that walk today. It was a sunny day and it was invigorating to take a brisk walk in the fresh air.

The cloudless blue sky today reminded me of these words from Chief Seattle’s speech: “How can you buy the sky? How can you own the rain and the wind?” For the sky and the rain and the wind and so many other aspects of nature belong to all of us.

Recognizing and valuing our connection to nature add to our wellbeing. Even if we live in urban areas and aren’t able to leave the city very often, we can see the sky and the sun and the clouds—they are a connection to nature too. I’m thankful that many urban planners and decision-makers recognize the importance of having green spaces within cities so those of us living there can walk along tree-lined streets and spend time in parks. We should value our connection to nature of which Chief Seattle spoke so profoundly and do our part to care for these gifts, not only for ourselves but for those who come after us. For he also said, “Preserve the land and the air and the rivers for your children’s children and love it as we have loved it.”

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” When I read these truths expressed by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., I thought about symbolism of light.

I picture a sunrise, the start of a new day. And how each new day is a new beginning and an opportunity to make good choices and do right actions. I think of the light of understanding, compassion, empathy, justice, and love. Just as the sunrise appears as the night ends and replaces the darkness with light, these qualities diminish and help to drive away close-mindedness, bigotry, complacency, selfishness, and hate.

History records many major movements where light drove out darkness: the end of slavery, peace accords, and civil rights and equal rights laws, to name a few. These achievements started with individual persons making choices and then working with others who had similar visions. It took courage, persistence, and empathy for the suffering of others. And those same qualities are needed today as we endeavor to make this a better world.

Each day each one of us can do our part to decrease where darkness is present. We do that by treating others with respect and by acting with integrity. We do that by trying to hear and follow our inner voice. And we do that through prayer and by growing in consciousness. Embrace each opportunity to add to the light and the love in our world.

As I have written in other posts, my elderly mother has lived in an assisted living apartment for about six years. Both she and I are thankful she was able to live independently in her home until she was 94 years old. She is now 100, which is quite amazing. However, as a result of both cognitive and physical changes this past year, my mother requires considerably more assistance from staff than she did the first few years living there.

I would like to say thank you to staff who work at assisted living facilities and nursing homes. There are aspects of their jobs that are very difficult and other aspects that are mundane and repetitive. Staff need to have patience, such as when they feed and bathe people who can no longer do those things for themselves. At other times staff need to act quickly, such as when helping someone who has fallen and been injured. Employees at these facilities do not earn very much money and yet the services they provide are essential. For we count on them to take care of the people we love who can no longer take care of themselves.

As in all occupations, some employees are more invested in what they do and more able to carry out their job duties well. So I am realistic and I do not suggest that all assisted living and nursing home staff are equally dedicated, qualified, and skilled. But many do have those qualities. I’m always impressed at how some of the staff are as positive as they are. They are “naturals” at doing the work they do. Their cheerfulness makes it nicer for the people they care for and helps them to feel better. For this I am very thankful.

In my work as a crisis line counselor, people sometimes call because they are feeling anxious and are looking for help to deal with those feelings. Some people experience anxiety daily or almost daily, including having panic attacks. Many people who have this level of anxiety see a therapist and/or a psychiatrist and they often take prescribed medication.

For others, the anxiety is more situational. Many life events can cause stress. Perhaps they’re worried they won’t meet an upcoming deadline, perhaps someone they care about is going through a difficult time and they feel limited in their ability to help that person, perhaps there is a disagreement where resolution doesn’t seem possible—these are just a few of the life happenings that can lead to feelings of anxiety.

I am fortunate that I don’t have chronic anxiety, but there have been times when I’ve felt anxious. One of those times was when my father was seriously ill and receiving hospice care. He was often on my mind, and sometimes I would wake up at night feeling on edge and would have trouble falling asleep again. I also found myself worrying about my mother, being concerned about how she was coping during that sad and difficult period.

Crisis line counselors are trained to try to help callers to do what they are able to in the moment. In assessing callers’ needs based on what they have shared with us, we may ask if they have considered seeing a therapist, for therapists are the professionals who can assist when longer term help is indicated. In the moment, trying coping techniques is what is possible. Some coping skills that often help people to be calmer are doing breathing techniques, listening to music, writing in a journal, drawing or coloring, and exercising. Some people are able to “distract” from thoughts that are adding to the anxiety by watching a lighthearted video or doing a household chore.

What matters is being willing to try some of these self-care approaches. Many people have told me they didn’t think doing any of the coping techniques would help and were surprised that they did help. Even if the anxiety doesn’t totally diminish, by taking some steps people were able to decrease the intensity of their anxious feelings. And to feel good about their ability to do so.

“By setting aside time every day, we can leave the pixelated wilds and rest at least for a little while in a place of unplugged, authentic human connection.” This quote from author Meghan Cox Gurdon’s book The Enchanted Hour: The Miraculous Power of Reading Aloud in the Age of Distraction, is referring to setting aside time to read to children. As I wrote in a recent post, Ms. Cox Gurdon’s book presents many compelling reasons to make this commitment.

This quote also reminds me of how “unplugged, authentic human connection” is important in all relationships. Too often we see, such as in a restaurant, a family or a couple sitting together but each person, adults as well as children, is looking at his or her phone. There is no interaction among them. There are also many times when children try to get a parent’s attention, but the parent continues looking at the phone and ignoring the children or telling them to wait. These are just two of the many examples of people choosing technology over human connection.

I want to be clear that I’m truly amazed at and appreciative of advances in technology. I value the many useful features of smart phones, computers, and the internet and the way they have improved our lives. And I understand there are times when people need to check if they’ve received an email or voicemail message that needs a response. But I am concerned about the negative consequences when people spend so much time using technology that they don’t realize it is at the cost of not having genuine connections with people. I’m not alone in having this concern; many articles have been written about this topic.

When I think of authenticity, I also think of the Jungian concept of individuation. Individuation is the life-long process of becoming the unique persons we were each created to be by growing in consciousness. As people become more conscious and centered, they become more genuine and trustworthy and therefore more authentic. These are qualities that matter in interactions with the people we know and love and also with everyone with whom we interact.

One of many writers whose writing has enriched my life and helped to shape my worldview is C.S. Lewis. I’m impressed by the creative ways he approaches writing about truths, both through his fiction and nonfiction works. Among his books for which he is best known are The Chronicles of Narnia, a series of seven books generally considered to be children’s literature. They, however, speak to adults as well—as is the case for much children’s literature. Lewis is also known as a Christian apologist, someone who supports the teachings of Christianity with clear, understandable explanations and reasoning. Some of his best known works of this type are Mere Christianity, The Problem of Pain, and Miracles.

One of Lewis’ fiction works, The Screwtape Letters, is an excellent example of his ability to present truths in a creative manner. The two main characters are Screwtape, who is a senior devil who has a lot of experience doing evil, and Wormwood, who is a junior devil whom Screwtape mentors and who is also Screwtape’s nephew. Christian teachings are looked at from the devils’ points of view, and Screwtape refers to God as “the enemy” throughout the book.

One of the many thought-provoking passages in the book is when Screwtape says to his trainee Wormwood: “Be not deceived, Wormwood, our cause is never more in jeopardy than when a human, no longer desiring but still intending to do our enemy’s will, looks round upon a universe in which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.”

When I read that quote I thought of how Screwtape’s words are a perfect definition of faith: for a person to continue to strive to obey, to continue to try to follow what that person believes to be right and just, even during those times of feeling alone spiritually. To hold on to one’s beliefs and faith when they are most challenged. There are many things that happen each day and there have been throughout the history of humankind that can lead to questioning and doubts. What matters most is to hold on to that gift of faith.

In the section entitled “Passages” of his book Meeting Force with Silence, Jungian psychotherapist Dr. Terry Chitwood writes: “Late adulthood brings a mellow acceptance. You have seen more suffering than you had ever cared to see. You have experienced more joy than you had ever thought possible. You have seen friends die, babies born. Your body is different, but your spirit is the same.”

Writers whose writing adds to the quality of my life is something for which I am very thankful. Writing that causes me to reflect, that adds to my knowledge about our world, that inspires me, that brings to mind memories. Dr. Chitwood’s words about late adulthood cause me to contemplate both my elderly mother and where she is on her life journey and also myself as I enter late adulthood.

My mother, who turned 100 years old a few months ago, grew up during the Great Depression, and her parents were quite poor. So she certainly had some challenges from the beginning. One of the ways she has been fortunate over the years, however, is that she has had few health problems. Her blessing of good health changed a few years ago though, when symptoms of dementia began to appear and also when she became weaker, affecting her ability to walk. I have been proud of her as she has made the effort to continue walking (using a walker), even though she moves very slowly.

I recognize in my mother the “mellow acceptance” of which Dr. Chitwood writes. When I enter her apartment at the assisted living facility where she has lived the past few years, she usually is sitting on the couch listening to classical music and looking at a book or magazine. Other times when I arrive she is in a common area with other people who live there. In either case, I see that quality of acceptance. This is her life now. Not the busy life of earlier years—being my father’s helpmate, caring for my siblings and me, working at various jobs, and assisting her parents when they became elderly. She has completed those commitments and did them well.

I pray that my mother may have peace and comfort during these final years of her earthly journey.

“We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.” This quote by Cynthia Shoshana Ozick, an American short story writer, novelist, and essayist, rings true for me. How easy it can be to take for granted the air we breathe, the life-sustaining rain, and the abilities that most of us have to see, hear, taste, and sense in other ways.

A friend of mine complains whenever it rains. I suppose she doesn’t think about what would happen if it never rained again. And this very likely is her way of saying she prefers sunny days, which I understand. I love to see the blue sky too. But in a way, my friend takes for granted the benefits that rain brings.

Many people don’t think about the material things that are readily available to them—variety and easy access to foods, a comfortable home in a safe neighborhood, a vehicle that gets them where they want to go with a minimum of effort. In many parts of the world—and for some people in the United States too—millions of people do not have these gifts.

I have found that, as people grow in consciousness, they tend to grow in ability to feel gratitude as well. Becoming more aware of inner direction through dreams, synchronicities, intuitive promptings, and unexpected happenings helps us in many ways, including enabling us to recognize how very much we have been given. Doing inner work leads to the realization that our egos are just one aspect of our psyches, of the person we are. This can lead to noticing and appreciating the many blessings we have been given.

I have also found that having the ability to be genuinely thankful adds meaning and a sense of peace to our lives.