Category: PersonalGrowth

“We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world.” Helen Keller wrote these words, a woman who when she was 19 months old had an illness that resulted in her becoming both blind and deaf. With the assistance and companionship of her teacher, Anne Sullivan, Helen learned to read, write, and speak, and eventually she became a famous speaker, author, and philanthropist who positively affected the lives of many people.

Helen Keller’s words are particularly significant to me because she is someone who, despite not being able to hear or see, strove to develop the many other abilities she had. It’s hard for me to imagine how difficult that would have been and the patience and courage it took for her to persevere. I often struggle to understand why there is so much suffering in our world. I feel for people who have disabilities, who are the victims of abuse, who live in war-torn areas—the list goes on. On a more personal level, I have struggled to accept challenges I’ve needed to face, challenges that, although difficult, have not been as difficult as those of many other people.

So I derive hope from Helen Keller and other people I respect, and I strive to be brave and patient during the trying times in my life.

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hid. Nor do men [and women] light a lamp and put it under a bushel, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. Let your light so shine before men [and women], that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” (I added the bracketed words.)

These verses 14 through 16 from chapter 5 of the Gospel of Matthew are among those writings in the Bible that are most meaningful to me. They are Matthew’s record of some of Jesus’ many teachings. Although my family attended Sunday church services regularly when I was a child and I heard many Bible readings and many sermons based on those readings, it wasn’t until I was in my 30s that they began to have personal meaning for me.

At first glance, it might seem that people being told they are the light of the world could cause them to have too high of an opinion of themselves. But the words are not directed to one person or just certain people. They are directed to all of us. Every one of us has something to offer, talents to share, ways of helping others, gifts to give.

I was shy as a child and I had a tendency to walk behind others, such as when my family was walking somewhere or for school activities. I was shy about being in front, and I wonder if, at an unconscious level, I thought I wasn’t good enough to be in the front. Although I’m no longer as shy and I had enough self-confidence to do well in school and in the jobs I’ve had, some of that “don’t be first” tendency is still a part of me. So when I was prompted by my dreams and by synchronicities to start writing a blog, I found it very difficult to begin. There was that part of me that didn’t believe I had anything to share, that didn’t believe I could write in a way that “let my light shine.”

Because I believe our dreams are from the Creator, and therefore it is essential for all of us to try to follow dream direction, I did begin writing this blog. Writing my blog is vital to my personal growth. It is also a way for me to try to help those who read it to have hope and to grow as individuals. For every one of us has ways to shine by doing good works using the talents and blessings we have been given.

In my work as a crisis line counselor, I receive calls from women and men of all ages and often from adolescents too. Each person is calling for assistance, emotional support, and sometimes resource information to deal with whatever difficulty prompted them to call. Sometimes they are calling about something that happened to them just recently, and sometimes it is about ongoing problems. Capable counselors need to have the qualities of compassion, empathy, being nonjudgmental, and being able to give each person who calls their complete attention.

Actually, all of us should strive to develop these qualities. What a difference that would make in our world! It would become a far better place, one interaction at a time. And not only would we help to make the world better for others but also for ourselves. For as the Dalai Lama says, “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”

“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.” These words by Mother Teresa are a good reminder to try our best to use each day well. Whatever our situation, we have been given the ability to do those things that are in our power to do, and we should value that gift.

“Yesterday is gone.” We are all human and therefore we are all imperfect. We make mistakes and have regrets. It’s important for our motivation and for our emotional well-being to not let those regrets keep us from using the present day well. When fitting and possible, we need to apologize and make amends, do what we can to right a wrong that we caused, and then move forward. If we’re regretting not starting or completing a task, we now have the present day to do that.

“Tomorrow has not yet come.” Looking forward to future occasions and activities can add to the joy of living. Some examples are having plans to visit people we care about who we seldom get to see or attending our child’s sports event or dance performance. Enjoy such anticipations but make effective use of each day as well. “Tomorrow has not yet come” also reminds me how it is sometimes tempting to put things off without having a good reason for doing so. To help avoid this, I remind myself how good it feels to accomplish things, to know they’re taken care of and off my mind, and to feel the satisfaction of a job well done.

“Let us begin.” Often taking that first step releases the energy to continue an endeavor. This is especially true when we are trying to follow direction from within. Mother Teresa’s words “Let us begin” also remind me that our Creator forgives us when we make mistakes and always makes it possible for us to begin again. And those of us who pay attention to our dreams know that when we do not discern the message of a dream that is directing us to do certain actions, we will be given additional dreams that try again to get our attention. The Self wants what is best for us and gives us chances to begin again. Thank goodness. For many of us, myself included, need additional prompting. Trying to do what we hear our inner voice guiding us to do through intuition, sychronicities, and our dreams leads to a sense of peace and well-being.

In my work as a crisis line counselor, I have spoken with many women and men who have told me they have mental illness. The diagnoses I’ve heard most often are depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, PTSD, and schizophrenia. Many of the callers have told me they have a therapist and a psychiatrist, and some attend group therapy as well as individual therapy. Some have told me they have needed to be hospitalized at times.

I recently came across an Amish proverb that caused me to think about people who deal with the challenges of mental illness: “Instead of putting others in their place, put yourself in their place.” There is much need for more empathy in our world, including for people who have mental health problems. I am often impressed by the efforts people make to deal with their symptoms by doing coping skills, attending individual therapy and support groups, and practicing self-care, including healthy nutrition and exercise. For the more severe diagnoses, taking medication as prescribed also helps to manage their symptoms. Similar to having a physical illness such as diabetes where people need to monitor their blood sugar and do what is necessary to maintain a healthy level, people with mental illness need to notice when their symptoms increase and do self-care or coping techniques to help to manage them. This requires being aware and being motivated. Some people who call the crisis line talk about how overwhelming dealing with their mental illness is and the discouragement they sometimes feel.

It concerns me that many people who have the good fortune of not having mental illness have no idea what it is like for people who do, and therefore have no appreciation of the effort many people put into trying their best to take care of themselves. Too often people make generalizations and display little, if any, empathy. And too often this ignorance adds to the stigmatization of mental illness, another challenge callers have told me adds to their burden.

Through this post I want to acknowledge the women and men who struggle with mental illness and to applaud all that they do to cope and care for themselves. For I, and I’m sure many other people, are truly impressed by them.

“Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.” I remind myself of this quotation by Mother Teresa from time to time. When I hear or read about some of the heartbreaking things that happen in our world, I sometimes feel discouraged. I question whether I and others can help to make our world a better place. And then I remember that whatever each of us does, when it is done with love, truly does matter.

On Thanksgiving Day some friends of mine volunteered to deliver meals prepared by a program for low-income and homebound people. Where I work some of my coworkers are collecting donations they will use to purchase gifts for children from low-income families who otherwise would not receive presents for the holidays. At the assisted living facility where my mother lives, I see adults spending time with their parents who live there and bringing items that their parents need. There are many additional examples of small things done with great love. And each of those things can mean so much to the person receiving them.

I visit my elderly mother several times a week. Each time she sees me her face brightens and she gives me a big smile. My visits to her are a small thing that I do out of love for her, and I in turn am the recipient of her love for me.

In my work as a crisis line counselor, I have often heard from people who are lonely and who long to have a loving and committed relationship. Some have been in relationships that they needed to end, some have experienced the other person leaving them and are grieving not being with that person anymore, and some have always found it difficult to meet others and have never been in an exclusive relationship. Loneliness is painful.

It concerns me when people tell me the only thing that matters is to have someone in their lives so they aren’t lonely any more. It’s essential for everyone to find a sense of meaning as individuals. I would never say this totally takes away feelings of loneliness, definitely not, for I have empathy for lonely people. But it’s important not to depend on a relationship with someone to be the only thing that makes life meaningful. For this reason, it is often recommended that people who feel lonely explore interests and activities that they might enjoy, such as learning to play a musical instrument or starting an exercise program. Another possibility is to volunteer for a cause they care about. When people are feeling down, it can be difficult to find the motivation to do this, but many people have benefited by making such choices. And sometimes doing something a person cares about leads to meeting someone who has similar interests and values.

Growing in consciousness can also help people feel less lonely. Several of the authors whose books I have read about doing inner work have found this to be the case for their clients. It’s as if the various aspects of our psyches, such as our inner feminine and masculine, are in a sense companions to us. If it were an ideal world, I would wish for everyone to have someone who loves them dearly. Because it is not an ideal world, I wish for everyone to find meaning in their lives that, if it does not totally end their feelings of loneliness, at least diminishes those feelings. And adds significance and purpose to each day.

My mother is 99 years old and thankfully was able to live in her home until she was 94, living there by herself eight years after my father passed away. Since then she has lived in an assisted living apartment. The transition from living independently to living in an assisted living facility or nursing home is usually difficult for people, understandably so. They miss the familiarity of their home, friends, and routine, and find themselves in entirely different surroundings, with people they don’t know. The transition was difficult for my mother but, I’m happy to say, she is generally content now.

Whenever I see that someone new has moved onto Mom’s floor, I say a prayer for that person. The reason each person needs to be there is unique to him or her—sometimes there are cognitive changes, sometimes physical limitations, and sometimes both. But no matter what the reason for needing to move there, I doubt that it’s an easy life change.

I recently heard someone who is in her 70s and whose mother is in her 90s complaining about the time it takes to visit her mother and do tasks for her, such as taking care of her finances and purchasing items her mother needs. One of the reasons the person gave was that she herself is getting older and it might not be long before she will need someone to take care of her. She resented that helping her mother resulted in less time being available to do things she would rather do.

If I have a long life and need to live in assisted living someday, I hope there will be people who want to visit me and to assist me with those things I can no longer do on my own. I spend time with my mother because I love her, but also to follow the teaching of “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” (Luke 6:31). This maxim applies to many situations. If our inner direction is to do certain things we would rather not do, try not to focus on the inconvenience. A life of only ease and comfort is not a meaningful life.

A prayer I learned about many years ago is called “the Jesus Prayer.” It’s just a few words: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” I’ve read that it is likely the Jesus Prayer originated from the fifth century monastic traditions of the Desert Fathers and Desert Mothers in Egypt. There are variations, including “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me” and “Lord Jesus, have mercy.” Or simply “Jesus Mercy.” From time to time throughout the day, I’ll silently pray the Jesus Prayer.

It’s important that we remember our need for mercy. It matters very much that we try every day to follow what we discern to be direction from our inner voice. But no matter how well we do in those efforts, we always need the Creator’s help and mercy. None of us is perfect and, despite our efforts, we will make mistakes sometimes. And when we do succeed in living honestly and ethically, it is because the Creator makes that possible.

Another time I pray the Jesus prayer is when I do a relaxation breathing technique. When I’m feeling stress, I slowly inhale, expanding my abdomen, and then slowly exhale, contracting my abdomen, saying “Jesus” as I breathe in and “Mercy” as I breathe out, doing this three or four times. The breathing has a calming effect, and saying the Jesus Prayer adds to the calm I experience.

I recently read this quote by Martin Luther King, Jr.: “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” What a perfect definition.

Having faith helps us to live according to what seems morally right to us. Living in this way can be challenging, especially when other people are unaccepting and even critical of choices we make. That can be especially hurtful when those people are people we care about, such as family members and friends. It takes courage to live according to our values and to resist societal pressure to conform rather than to be the unique person we were created to be. Dr. King was certainly an example of someone who lived courageously and who embraced his calling.

Faith is a gift from the Creator and therefore it is not something we can cause to happen. However, I believe we can and we need to “prepare the soil” to be more ready to receive the gift of faith. Some of the ways we can do this are by trying our best to do what seems morally right, to be nonjudgmental and treat others with respect, to be thankful for our blessings, and to devote time to prayer. In these and other ways, we can be more ready to take the next steps along our individual paths.